[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Have you heard the news? [shows article] Twitter has surpassed 145 million users. WOW! I'm tweeting my reaction to that. [Leans over to his computer] [shows tweet] Wow! Yeah, that's right. A couple of you know exactly what I'm talking about. [shows two replies: "NO WAY!" (from ZaRiF215) and "wow! that is amazing!" (from _emilyn_)]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
I'm kinda in a hurry cause I got things to do later so I'm talking really fast so it seems like I'm in a hurry. I'm still even in my manjamas. [Lifts up leg to show up he's wearing pajama pants.] Didn't have time to change out of them. And I'm wearing my vlogbrother Hank Green shirt [shows off Corndog shirt]. Hank, sometimes I sleep in you. What?
But now I want to talk about some news stories. [Holds up finger and sniffs air] Hang on a second. [sniffs air again as he waves the air closer to his nose with his hands] I know this smell. [sniffs again] [gasps] I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done so much I'm gonna sing my way to the coffee... [starts singing like an opera singer] ...eeeeee! Yaaa yaaa yaaaa yaaaa [spins around in the kitchen] [still singing:] Pouring the coffee now. Aaaaaaa. [sits down, still singing. pours coffee into his mouth, spiling some.] Stop singing before you drink. Take it from Hank. [closeup of t-shirt as coffee spills down Hank's face on it.] This could be your shirt. Sponsored by M.A.D.S. Mothers Against Drink Singing.
So in the news [shows article] there's a new app that connects your phone or your iPad to the electric grid of your home. This allows you to turn things on and off wherever you are with super efficiency. Psh. It'll never work. This whole desire to make the operation of home appliances easier has been tried before.
The clapper. [claps and light goes off. Claps again and light comes back on.]
The insulter. *Ding* you! [The light goes off.] Hey, the 80s called. It wants its hair back. [Light comes on.] Hehe.
The spaghetti facer. [Holds up a plate of spaghetti. Puts his face down into it. The light goes off. Does it again. Light comes back on.]
Or the Shakespeare. Thou are a villain. [Nothing happens.] [sighs] Thou art a villain? [lights go off] To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them. To die, to... [Title on screen: a few minutes later] The fair Ophelia, nymph in thy orisons. Be all my sins remembered. [Light comes on] Ahhh... Why did I choose that one?
I think you get the idea.
People are getting all titillated about the sexual metaphors Sarah Palin is using to describe the media. [shows article] "Impotent, limp and gutless reporters take anonymous sources and cite them as being factual references."
Oh, hahaha. Sarah. I too think the media is sometimes not *up* to the task. Sometimes they're *soft* on the facts. Sometimes they're unable to *harden* their *sexual* organs. I mean, their sexy research. I... I mean, their research penis. I... I.... I'll leave the metaphors to you.
You know how Paris Hilton got caught with cocaine in her purse that she said wasn't her purse? Well, she posted pictures on the internet a few months ago saying that she bought a new purse... [shows article] ... which looks just like the same purse. That's incriminating.
Beardlovers, be careful what you post on the internet. It may come back to haunt you. Oh that reminds me, I was gonna post you guys a picture. I just got this awesome new heroin syringe. Now where did I put it? Oh! It's still in my arm. Cool! [Takes a picture with his iPhone] It's right next to the tattoo of my name and address. Bonus! [takes another picture]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[Putting spaghetti on his fork] Not a very efficient appliance controller but good stuff. [Takes a bite] Mmm. Mmm. [Hits himself in the face with spaghetti. The light goes off.] Oop, spaghetti on the face. I gotta learn to hit my mouth.
singing rug, beardlovers, headlines, Twitter, "I love it when the coffee's done!", *ding*, wink
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