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WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 599
Original Upload date December 29, 2011
Running time 0:04:47
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro shadow outro
Wink submitted by eilema4
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
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"Earth Sized Planets Found"
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[slides in/singing rug. He's sitting in a new higher-backed rolly chair.]
[He's sobbing. Stops.] is what I'd be like if I didn't like the holidays. AHAHAHAHA AHAHAHA is what I'd be like if the holidays were funny. [sighs] is what I am like, 'cause I kinda like 'em. [Blows raspberry] is what I'd be like if I were being sarcastic. But I'm not. [Blows raspberry] Still not.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
One of the reasons I like the holidays is because of all the awesome new stuff I get. Check it out. I got a brand new [points behind him, swings in his chair so he's pointing at couch not the chair] couch! Heh. So. That's new. Agh, the couch is clouding my judgment. I also got a new couch. And a new chair. [points to chair. The audience starts applauding.] [gasps] New chair! [gasps] Get excited! [The audience keeps applauding as Craig gets up] Yeah! Yeah, new chair! [He dives onto his new couch and beats a cushion] New chair! New chair! New couch! Ah, new chair! Woo! [gets off couch and sits back down in his chair] Woooo. Yeah! [The audience is still clapping as he laughs. He sighs. Music starts playing.] Emotions changing from excitement to nostalgia? I miss my old chair. [sighs] We had a lot of good times. [In a box on the screen, clips of Craig rolling and spinning in his chair in old videos play. The first is a clip from Spring Cleaning.] Remember when we did that? [A clip plays from I'm Swayze for You] And that? [A clip from another video plays. A clip from Spin Zone plays.] I don't remember that. [Another clip plays.] But we also did that. [And another.] And that. [A clip of Craig shoving pretzels in his face (from I'm Alive) plays.] And that memory has nothing to do with the chair, but it's still a good one. [A movie poster for The Incredibles appears in the box on screen.] And that's just a movie I like.
Nostalgia fading back into excitement! But the new couch is awesome! And by couch, I mean chair! [The music fades and the audience can be heard applauding again.] That's why I decided to make this video the day after Christmas! And it has a taller back which is soft and fluffy like the bed of a pretty pretty princess on which I may rest my weary head when I have some... [leans his head back against the chair. Falls asleep. Talks in his sleep.] Sleepin', sleepin'.
[Text onscreen: 4 Days Later] [Craig's still sleeping in his chair. Wakes suddenly.] ...Just like that. [Looks towards the text onscreen] Four days later? Oh. I guess I haven't put up a video in a bunch of days. Apologies. It's because of my pretty pretty princess chair.
I was gonna tell you about other things I did over the holidays. Like, remember I'm supposed to build an igloo in my parents' backyard because we raised ten thousand dollars on dowhateverittakes dot org? [Craig in his parents' backyard, standing over a very small patch of snow/ice. It's sunny out.] Well, i went to do that, but... it didn't... it didn't really work out so well. [Craig looks up at the sky.]
[Footage of passing landscape and houses from a moving car.] And then I rode with my parents to my extended family's house.
Hehe. Extended family. I just thought of like a family with extending arms and legs, like Dhalsim from Street Fighter 2. [picture of him onscreen] Hehe. [sighs] And we have fun here.
[Back to footage of passing landscape] You know on these trips, I always enjoy looking at the rolling countryside since I live in the city. [Shots of Craig looking excited watching landscape is intercut with shots of the passing landscape.] So nice. Serene. Tranquil. Sedate. Phlegmatic. Quescent. Que... qui... [cuts back to Craig in his apartment] quiescent? I was looking at thesaurus dot com. [cuts back to Craig smiling as he watches passing landscape] But anyway, I was really enjoying... [Craig falls asleep] Oh! I guess I just fell asleep for the rest of the day.
Do I have a sleeping problem? Maybe I'm not getting enough iron. Or maybe I need to take iron supplements. Or maybe I have an iron deficiency. I should be a doctor.
So that was my holidays. Oh yeah, I did a gift exchange with my clones.
[Speech impediment guy:] You diswike yoe cwones Wheezy Waitoe.
Yes, I know, but I love gifts, so we did like a Secret Santa sort of thing.
[Cuts to Craig at the kitchen table.]
[Craig:] So. Who was my Secret Santa?
[Sexy Clone raises his hand. Revenge Clone raises his hand. Quiet Clone raises his hand.]
[Craig:] All of you are my Secret Santa? That's weird. We had a drawing and everything. Ha.
[Sexy Clone:] You'll really like this one. [Hands Craig a wrapped present.]
[Craig:] Oh! Thank you! Hehe. I love Christmas. [unwraps present as Sexy Clone makes some sexy faces, arches his eyebrow, makes a kissy face.] Yeah! [Craig keeps unwrapping his gift, excited. Paper flies up. Revenge Clone watches. Quiet Clone claps, excited, silently. Craig finishes unwrapping. It's a frame. He looks at it. It's a framed picture of Sexy Clone looking sexy, his shirt unbuttoned, touching his chest. Craig looks at it, perplexed. Then notices there's something on his fingers.]
[Sexy Clone:] I rubbed the frame with oil. [Craig smells his fingers.] Extra sexiness.
[Craig:] Why would you... ? Revenge Clone, what do you got?
[Revenge Clone:] Yes! Haha! Open it! [hands Craig a present] Hahahaha.
[Craig:] Ooh. Heavy.
[Revenge Clone:] Yeah. Open it!
[Craig:] Okay.
[Revenge Clone:] Ha! Yeah!
[Craig:] I'm really excited about this. [starts opening it]
[Revenge Clone:] Open it all the way! Ha!
[Craig, getting annoyed:] Yeah, I'm opening it!
[Revenge Clone:] Okay, yeah. Open... just open it.
[Craig, unwrapping it, looks surprised. He raises his hands, which are empty.]
[Revenge Clone laughs:] Hahaha! Revenge is mine! [He's holding the wrapped gift.] Haha! Okay, no, for real, open it. [hands Craig the gift. Craig takes it, starts unwrapping it. Revenge Clone laughs:] Ahaha! [Revenge Clone nods.]
[Craig, unwrapping the present, smiles and laughs, then lifts his hands, which are empty again.]
[Revenge Clone laughs:] Hahahaha! Again! [He holds up the wrapped present.] Double revenge! Hehe! Double venge. Denge?
[Craig:] How did you... ?
[Revenge Clone:] Denge? Does that work?
[Craig:] Alright. Anyone else have a present for me?
[Quiet Clone points to a gift bag and mumbles unintelligibly.]
[Craig:] No one?
[Quiet Clone keeps pointing at the gift bag and keeps talking, imperceptibly.]
[Craig:] Anyone at all?
[Quiet Clone talks quietly.]
[Craig:] No more presents? Speak up....
[We can hear Quiet Clone continuing to murmur quietly.]
[Craig:] ... if you have a present for me.
[Quiet Clone points at the gift bag and murmurs quietly:] Right here.
[Craig:] Anyone? Fine. Alright. Quiet Clone... [hands Quiet Clone a bag.]
[Quiet Clone murmurs:] Oh.
[Craig:] I was your Secret Santa.
[Quiet Clone, smiling, pulls his present out of the bag.]
[Craig:] It's a megaphone. Go on. Use it.
[Quiet Clone turns on the megaphone. Holds it up to his mouth. No sound comes out.]
[Craig speaks, but the volume is much quieter now.]
[Craig:] Is everything actually getting quieter?
[Revenge Clone:] What... what's happening? My voice is quieter.
[Quiet Clone keeps speaking into the megaphone but it's silent. We can't even hear his murmuring now.]
[Craig:] It's amplifying his quietness.
[Sexy Clone pulls his shirt open more, revealing more of his chest.] Doesn't matter. Chest hair speaks louder than words.
[Quiet Clone murmurs into the megaphone.]
[Craig falls asleep in his char. Snores.]
[Revenge Clone:] Now's your chance! Sexy Clone, push him into the alligator pit!
[Craig snores out loud.]
[Sexy Clone gets up and slowly moves towards Craig as Craig continues snoring. Sexy Clone glances down at the table and sees the framed photo of himself. Intrigued, he picks up the frame, leaving a little pool of oil behind. He sits and makes clawing gestures at the photo, growls at the frame sexily. Makes meowing sound.] Hehehe. [As Sexy Clone makes more growling sounds, the volume goes back to normal. (Quiet Clone must have turned off megaphone.) Craig wakes up.]
[Craig:] So is that all the gifts?
[Quiet Clone points at the gift bag in front of him and murmurs quietly.]
[Craig:] Really? I could have swore there was another one.
[Quiet Clone points at the bag and murmurs.]
[Wheezy Waiter shadow outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Sexy Clone opens his shirt more. Pulls his shirt open, exposing more of his chest. Rubs a few chest hairs.] Doesn't matter. Chests speak... Doesn't matter. Chest hair speaks louder than words.

Recurring elements

singing rug, new couch, speech impediment guy, Sexy clone, Revenge clone, Quiet clone, alligator pit, wink, outtakes

Related videos

Some of the clips of Craig rolling and spinning in his old rolly chair come from Spring Cleaning, I'm Swayze for You, and Spin Zone. (It makes sense that Craig doesn't remember the spnning in Spin Zone if you've watched that video.) Craig shoving pretzels in his face comes from I'm Alive.

External links

Sleepmas on YouTube