Slap Fight!

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"Slap Fight!"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 366
Original Upload date August 6, 2010
Running time 0:04:30
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by AnnoyingGuy23
Great People
Guests: Mitchell Davis
Kyle Sibert
Handstand Info
No. of Attempts 1
Did His Wallet Fall Out? No
No. Without the Wall: 0
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Too Much Good News"
Next →
"Discontinuity Song"



[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardovers.
[Extreme closeup of his mouth:] Shut up!
[Extreme closeup of his mouth:] Shut up.
I'm just giving a greeting to the beardlover....
[Extreme closeup of his mouth:] Shut up.
Hey, stop that!
[Extreme closeup of his mouth:] Shut up.
Wait a second. No more cuts. Hey beardlovers. [Leans close to camera:] Shut up. [Leans back in his chair and gasps] The villain was me all along.
Surprise ending. Start the intro.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Guess what? Got a new iPhone. [holds it up] iPhones are pretty awesome. You probably don't know what they are, though, because you don't live like a king like I do.
I'm so important and powerful.
Arrogance is awesome. Like me. [Boing sound as a zit is highlighted.] Don't pay attention to that.
You can do awesome things with an iPhone like watch YouTube videos. Oh hey! There's one of me. Let's watch.
[On Craig's phone, a video plays:] Bruce, show 'em the exterior. Yep. That's where I live. Arborville. It's a neighborhood in Chicago.
[Craig laughs] Oh Wheezy, you're so funny! Let's see what else we got.
Oh hey! There's another Wheezy Waiter video. [touches phone to play it]
[Sound from phone:] [slides in/singing rug] Hey beardlovers.
[Title on screen: 1 hour later]
How does Wheezy stay funny all the time?
[Sound from phone:] Check it out. EXPLOSION!
[Title on screen: 3 hours later]
[Craig is looking at himself on the iPhone's camera. He kisses himself on the phone. And again.] Oh, you.
So yeah, it's pretty useful.
Rather than transfer all my old numbers over to my new phone, could all of you who have my number just dial [Old time piano music plays as a black box that says "Censored" pops up over Craig's mouth]. That'll make things a lot easier for me.
It's been a while but I beieve it's time for a new [Voicover over footage of Craig and a clone arguing:] Argument of the Day! with guest stars Mitchell Davis and Kyle Sibert. [They wave.] Potato chips versus tortilla chips. I choose tortilla. Go!
[Kyle:] French... French onion dip.
[Mitchell:] Makes potato chips amazing!
[Craig:] That's just the dip! What does that have to do with the chip? You can dip tortillas into french onion.
[Mitchell:] One flavor.
[Kyle:] You can't dip a tortilla chip inside of the... the French onion dip.
[Craig:] You can!
[Mitchell:] One flavor.
[Kyle:] You can't dip...
[Craig:] You can!
[Mitchell:] One flavor.
[Kyle:] You can't dip..
[Craig:] You can!
[Mitchell:] One flavor.
[Kyle:] You can't dip...
[Craig:] Anyone ever tell you you're amazingly consistent with your responses?
[Mitchell:] One flavor.
[Kyle:] You can't dip...
[Craig:] Why can't you put french onion on a chip? What's it like?
[Kyle:] Who... who pooped on my tortilla chip?
[Mitchell laughs]
[Kyle:] Wait, no, that's a tortilla chip.
[Craig:] Some people might like the consistency of feces on their tortillas. I mean, I for one... don't. I don't like that. Anyway, you can't dip potato chips in salsa, and when you don't have salsa, you might as well end your life right there. Right? What do you got?
[Mitchell:] Barbecue.
[Craig:] Psh. More like shmarbecue.
[Kyle:] Sour cream.
[Craig:] Psh. More like shmour cream.
[Mitchell:] French onion.
[Craig:] Psh. More like Fre... You said that already. [sniffs the air] I think the coffee's done. I'm gonna go get some coffee. I'll be right back. Because I love it when the coffee's done! [runs towards kitchen]
[Mitchell:] Not to mention the whole idea of chips...
[Craig walks into the kitchen]
[Mitchell:] ...when they come into bags, and it's just so fan... [They turn and look at Craig and Mitchell's voice trails off.]
[Craig:] You're... you're here?
[Mitchell and Kyle smile.]
[Craig:] What? [He looks down at the kitchen table where someone has been eating chips and salsa.] And you're eating tortillas?
[Kyle:] Do we have any more of that?
[Mitchell:] Yeah. Do you have any extra?
[Craig:] You lied to me?
[Kyle:] I'm not a liar. [He and Mitchell both eat tortilla chips.]
[Mitchell:] I can't even lie. It's impossible. I tried it once and I sneezed and farted at the same time.
[Craig:] You lied to me?
[Mitchell:] I'm still really concerned. Do we have more of the salsa?
[Craig:] Oh, it's a slap fight!
[Craig walks up to Mitchell and Kyle, swinging his arms for slapping. He slaps Kyle. Then Mitchell. They slap Craig. Then they're all just slapping at each other's hands in the air. Craig lands another slap on Mitchell's cheek, which we see in slow motion. And one more on Kyle's cheek, also in slow motion. They both slap Craig at the same time. Mitchell gets slapped again. He slaps Kyle.]
[Kyle, to Mitchell:] Why would you hit ME?
[Mitchell:] My bad. My bad. It's the heat of the moment.
[Kyle:] We're supposed to be friends.
[Mitchell:] Best friends.
[Kyle:] We're not friends anymore. [Craig slaps him.]
[Kyle punches Craig. They all slap each other's hands and arms some more. Craig slaps Kyle again. Someone slaps Craig. Kyle gets slapped, Mitchell's face gets pushed. One of them grabs Craig's beard hairs.]
[Craig:] What are you doing?
[Mitchell and Kyle slap Craig. One of them takes a chip from behind Craig's ear.]
[Craig:] Hey! That's my tortilla. I was saving that. [Mitchell smiles and eats it.]
[More slapping sounds. Craig pushes Kyle's face. Mitchell takes out a gun and fires it in the air.]
[Mitchell:] ENOUGH! [The slapping stops.]
[Craig:] You win. [He walks away.]
[Mitchell:] The gun's what got him.
[Kyle:] Potato chips! [He and Mitchell high-five.]
[Viewer attempts to wink a few times unsuccessfully. Wheezy Waiter outro theme plays. He winks (ding)]
[Mitchell and Kyle sit on the bed watching as Craig does a handstand. Handstand over.]
[Kyle:] I'm impressed.
[Craig:] Who's next?
[Mitchell, to Kyle:] You go, I go.
[Kyle:] Alright.
[Craig sits on the bed next to Mitchell.]
[Kyle:] Dude, I haven't even tried a handstand...
[Mitchell:] He's got this!
[Kyle:] ... in years.
[Mitchell starts chanting and clapping:] Kyle! Kyle!
[Kyle attempts a handstand. And another one. And another one. And another one.]
[Craig:] Oh!
[Mitchell:] I feel like you just did a gainer?
[Kyle does a handstand.]
[Craig:] Oh! Oh! You're up!! Mitchell?
[Mitchell gets up and runs out of the room.]
[Kyle:] Dude...
[Craig:] Looks like you got ditched.
[Kyle:] He was my ride.
[Craig:] Uh, what are you gonna do?
[Kyle:] Can I chill here for a little bit?
[Craig:] Like how long?
[Kyle:] A couple days. I'll go. I'll go.
[Craig:] Good.
[Kyle:] See you. [walks out of the room and into kitchen]
[Craig:] You made the right choice.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, boinging blemish, Argument of the Day, "I love it when the coffee's done!", wink, handstand

External links

Slap Fight! on YouTube