[slides in/singing rug]
[Craig's head is tilted and he has a really happy smile on his face. Maybe too happy. He holds this happy face pose for about five seconds.]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey beardlovers. [noisily blows his nose into a tissue] [sneezes] Wow. I actually caught a sneeze on camera.
I just watched back the footage. I think that's the first time I've ever heard myself sneeze outside my own head. This is an exciting day for me. And awful.
[plays back sneeze off-camera] [laughs and then sighs] [plays back sneeze again] [laughs and then sighs] [sound of a sneeze can be heard] [Craig looks around, confused]
Wikipedia page. [reading his computer offscreen:] Common cold. The common cold or acute viral nasopharyngitis, acute viral rhinopharyn... [title on screen: some time later...] or coronavir... [title: some more time later...] but it is very rarely fatal. [turns to camera] Fatal? Did you hear that? It's like super fatal. [offscreen, plays back what he read a moment before:] But it is very rarely fatal. [to camera:] Oh, I must have read it wrong. [plays back what he said a moment before:] But it is very [Craig speaks loudly over the recording:] SUPER [audio from before:] fatal. That's better.
[on phone] Yes, 911 operator? Could you send the cold doctor? I have a cold. What's so funny? Is someone telling jokes in the office? Can I... can I hear? Hello? Hello?
Well, I guess I'm gonna fatalize from the cold. Let's see if there are any cures.
[reading something offscreen] While a number of Chinese herbs and plants have been purported to ease cold symptoms, scientific studies have either not been done or have been found inconclusive. [turns to camera] I'll be the judge of that.
[Drawing of Craig on an airplane (Air China) with airplane zooming noise.] [Sound of Craig sneezing] Sorry, ma'am. That's a lot of mucus, huh? All over ya. Did you know I'm dying?
[The camera shoots Craig from below. He's in a different place with ambient noise around him] Excuse me. Could someone tell me where the cure for the common cold is? This place makes me feel really tall. [starts coughing] So much smog! So much smog. [coughing]
[Drawing of Craig on an airplane (Air China) traveling in different direction than before with airplane zooming noise] I hope I don't offend China with this video. Eh, they don't have the internet anyway. My sinuses feel like they're gonna explode. [sound of people gasping] What? No, I said my sinuses. Where are you taking me?
So. I'm not allowed to get on a plane for a while. That's fine. I can teleport. Check it out. [teleports to kitchen door. then back to his chair.] Pretty cool. So why do I fly on a plane? Frequent flier mileage.
Well, I guess I'm just gonna curl up under a blanket, watch my stories and hope I don't die. Hey! Third episode of Ty the Regular Guy is on.
[Ty is sitting on a couch between two lamps. Music plays and titles appear as he speaks:] Hi. I'm Ty. I'm just a regular guy.
[Title on screen: Making Faces]
[Ty, in front of the mirror, raises his eyebrows a few times, makes some other funny faces, puts on a black wig and flips his wig hair, takes off his glasses, strikes a few poses, pulls off the wig, laughing, puts his glasses back on and walks away from the mirror.]
[Ty is back on the couch. Music plays and titles appear as he speaks:] I'm just a regular guy.
What do you guys do when you have a cold? And by guys, I mean girls. And guys. When you have a cold.
[Craig is lying under blanket, but still in his chair.] I'm so sick!
[Winker jumps up and appears to travel towards camera without landing, always in jumping position. Lands in front of the camera.]
[Craig:] Hey, that's an infinifty way to travel too! Infinifty. Infinite and nifty. I combine words sometimes. I'm really clever. I'm like a word combine. Anyway, do your thing.
[Winker winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[Craig, still under the blanket, appears to wake up. Plays back his sneeze on his computer. Laughs. Sighs. Puts his head back down to sleep.]