Greetings wheezies. It's May 29th and I'm going to make this quick because tonight I'm going to watch the season finale of Lost.
[wheezywaiter dot com chips and salsa intro]
That's right. I watch Lost. I even know the secret handshake. You make your hands into a plane like flight eight-one-fifteen and then you fly like this and then you break in half and then you come down and you shake hands and then you high-five with the other hand.
I just made that up.
So anyway, before I go, I feel like I need to do a public service.
I've heard many horror stories of people who put the wrong setting on their razor and they take a big chunk out of their beard. And then they're forced to shave off the entire thing. They usually do this when they're drunk or high or stoned or wet or rollin' or pregnant or in transit or under the weather, driving or happy, afraid of flying or on their deathbed, jumping or kicking or laughing or stabbing, eating a danish, watching a ballet or crying or crying.
Anyway, I think this is a travesty and I thought I'd let you know how I trim my beard.
First of all, remember to take your shirt off. You too ladies. [takes his shirt off, flexes his muscles]
Secondly, grab your razor. Now here's the trick. I use the nude razor, meaning I don't any clips on it.
Then comes the important part. You gotta scruff it. [scruffing his beard] You gotta scruff it. Scruff it. Oh you gotta scruff it. You gotta scruff it. You gotta scruff it. Scruff it. [sighs deeply] So then it all sticks out like this. Just run it lightly along the surface. This way you have more control than when you're using one of those unpredictable clips. So remember, throw away those nasty clips. Use the nude razor.
There you go. I hope you learned something. Tell me what you think of my method in the comments. Also, since this will be posted after Lost, what'd you think of it?
[wheezywaiter dot com outro]
[outtakes: Wheezy with his scruffed beard makes a funny face.]
wheezies, wink, outtakes
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