[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Look me in the eyes. Really look. Further. Further. Whoa! Not that far! [backs up a little] Got a little too real.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[singing:] Don't you know that we are living in a cereal world [raises a bowl of cereal and eats a spoonful of cereal] And I am [mumbles the rest of the line]
I used to do parody songs involving breakfast. I'm such a clever mother*ding*er. Those were the old days. Now are the new days. [Money falls from above] Oh! Looks like I garnered some interest from my Sky Bank! I'm gonna go swim with my whale. Cannonball! [Cannonballs into the whale tank. Whale sounds. He climbs out.] Whew. [holds up a dollar bill] [sighs] I have become a parody of myself.
[Adjusting brightness] Sorry. Still trying to figure out this camera. But as you can see, the background is less out of focus than yesterday. And it's as good as my old camera was. Or close enough! Psh! Whatever!
But nothing can compare to the deep focus of my mind. Ooh. [picks up a party blower and blows it] Party whistle!
[extreme closeup of his beard] Mmm. Eat HD beard.
[Image looks like his old camera again]
And the battery on my HD camera has died. See? Here's the difference.
Some of you are probably like, [talking in a funny voice] Good! HD sucks!
I just wanted this channel to be the most technologically advanced, [turns to alternate camera angle] sexy [starts to to turn back to main camera angle but turns again to alternate angle] really sexy, [back to main camera angle] most hilarious and engaging channel in the history of YouTube before now and after now. And now... too.
Pretty soon Google TV's coming out, making it easier for everyone to use the internet on their TV. And HD's gonna become more and more prominent. And I figure the best way to learn something is to do it. And I wanna stay on top of these things because if you don't, the next thing you know you're an old balding guy who drives a 91 Corolla and wears flannel. Wait.
So this is a learning process, but I'm gonna continue using HD until I perfect it. And then I'm gonna stop using it cause no one likes a perfect... perfectionist. See, I even left in that little stutter, because I'm imperfect and awesome.
And now [holds up gun and fires it into the air] it's time for a wink. I probably shouldn't use guns. Kids are watching. Ah, psh, that doesn't affect 'em.
[Winker shoots gun twice. Winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[Craig turns to alternate camera angle:] Sex... [looks forward again. Turns to alternate camera angle] Sexy. [looks forward again. Turns to alternate camera angle.] Sexy. [Looks forward again]
[Craig talks in a funny voice:] Good! That was... Good! The HD camera sucked!
singing rug, beardlovers, song, breakfast puns, *ding*, Sky Bank, whale tank, "eat beard!", alternate camera angle, wink, outtakes
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