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WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 167
Original Upload date June 13, 2009
Running time 0:02:14
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro website/youtube outro
Wink submitted by 0brian00
Great People
Guests: Sam Grant
Matt Weber
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Goodbye Analog TV"
Next →
"Driftless Pony Club"



[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey beardlovers. It's Saturday. I think I want to get out and enjoy my city. Speaking of... [picture of segway] Segue!
My second mission for the Ford Fiesta Movement is to take a segway tour of Chicago. I know... it doesn't have a lot to do with the Fiesta, but I'm not complaining. And I get to take a guest. I think I'll give Sam a call.
[Split screen of Craig on phone and Sam on phone.]
[Sam, walking down street:] Hello?
[Craig:] Hey Sam, what you up to?
[Sam:] Ah, you know it's been raining outside so I thought I'd find a puddle to bathe in ... finally.
[Craig:] You know what? I gotta go. [hangs up]
[Sam:] Hello? Hello? [sees a large puddle] Ooh, that's a good one. [starts undoing his belt]
[Wipe to split screen of Craig on the phone and Matt looking at his phone]
[Matt sighs:] Ugh... this guy. [answers phone] Hey Craig.
[Craig:] Hey Matt.
[Matt:] What's going on?
[Craig:] Hey, what are you doing?
[Matt:] Just watching Seinfeld on the TV.
[Craig:] Don't you have an analog TV?
[Matt:] Yeah. [Closeup of TV with static and a note taped to it that says "Seinfeld *Kramer enters*] Ha! That Kramer. Good physical comedian.
[Craig:] Hey, you wanna take a segway tour of Chicago with me? The weather's perfect!
[Matt:] Is it? Really? [gets up]
[Shots of rainy Chicago. Matt walks outside and jogs down steps.] *ding*ing *ding*hole.
[Craig is driving the Fiesta.]
[Matt:] Hey Craig, what are we doing?
[Craig:] We're going on a segway tour.
[Matt:] Certainly is a beautiful day for it. [shoots the rainy city outside the car window]
[Craig standing next to Fiesta, points to it:] Is that a segway?
[Matt:] No, that's a car... that we drove here in.
[Craig:] Oh. [walking down sidewalk] Is that a segway?
[Matt:] What? The sidewalk or your feet?
[Craig:] Yeah.
[Matt:] No.
[Craig and Matt are on the train.]
[Craig:] Are we on the segway?
[Matt:] No. It's the train.
[Craig:] Oh.
[Craig and Matt are on an escalator.]
[Craig:] Oooh, segway.
[Matt, shaking his head:] Not a segway. It's an escalator.
[Craig:] Oh.
[Craig walking on sidewalk, on the phone:] Okay bye. [Hangs up] Segway tour is cancelled. Well, we're downtown. What do you want to do?
[Matt:] Uh, let's go to the Empire State Building.
[Craig:] Okay. We'll have to fly to New York for that but...
[Matt:] Alright, let's go.
[Winker winks (ding):] Hopefully I'm the first fat British guy to give you a wink. [gives a thumbs-up and smiles]
[ outro]
[Craig and Matt are in the car.]
[Craig:] So what are you eating? Are you eating a segway?
[Matt:] No, a sandwich.
[Craig:] Mmm.
[Matt:] I can see how you'd mistake the two, though. [Matt takes a bite]
[Craig:] Yeah.

Recurring elements

beardlovers, segue, Ford Fiesta Movement, *ding*, wink

External links

Segway? on YouTube