|Original Upload date||September 23, 2009|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Craig's head is close to camera. Only his eyes, nose, and top of head are visible. His mouth is out of frame. He stays like this for a few seconds and then whips his head back:] AAAAAAAAA! Didn't have a mouth there for a while. That was weird.
You know who else doesn't have a mouth sometimes? The US government.
Hey US government, what's up?
[talking in a deep voice:] I can't tell you that.
Why not? We're bros. You know, that whole 'for the people, by the people' thing?
[talking in a deep voice:] National security.
We never talk anymore, government.
[talking in a deep voice:] I'm just trying to keep you safe.
What's that smell? Government? Did you pass gas?
[talking in a deep voice:] I don't know what you're talking about.
You did. Ughhh. Smells like cat food.
[talking in a deep voice:] The only thing I pass is legislation.
Haven't you dropped enough bombs? [laughs, looks at camera] Fart joke! [gives thumbs-up]
Anyway, I read in the news this morning that the government is making it more difficult to keep secrets based on national security. [shows article] And I thought it would be a good opportunity for a government fart joke.
Also, in the spirit of secret-telling, I think it's time we get some stuff off our chest. I kinda like the movie You've Got Mail. [sighs deeply] You have no idea how good that feels to get that off my chest. I eat puppies. That one didn't feel very good. Probably because it's not true. It's true, I really do like that movie. And I can't deny it. It's terrible. To all of you out there who say you don't like that movie, you're doing something much worse. You're lying to yourself. And you hate love.
Alright, now tell me your secrets in comment or video response. It'll make you feel better, I guarantee it. I can't guarantee it. I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm a psychologist. I'm not a psychologist.
[Two wink videos side by side. The winkers wink (ding) (ding)]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
I just poured my heart out to you. Remember that. When are Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan gonna get married? The world would be so perfect.
Secrets 101 on YouTube