[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. So the other day I went to the store and I bought this great EXPLOSION! Got it at Steve's Explosion Emporium downtown. It's on Michigan Avenue. You should check it out. But don't. Explosions are my thing. Assuming I make Explosion Wednesday a thing. I'm not too sure about that yet.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
It's WEDNESDAY [An explosion propels him backwards through his room] WEDNESDAY [And backwards through the kitchen] EXPLOSION [And down the street outside] EXPLOSION [And further down the street outside] WEDNESDAY [singing rug as he slides in front of the camera].
We here at Explosion Central, also known as Wheezy Waiter Studios, also known as my apartment, are professionals so please do not try explosions by yourself.
Try them with a friend. Hahahaha! Just kidding. Don't try them.
And especially don't try to incite others to cause explosions [shows article] like the moron in Seattle who flew into restricted airspace where Obama was campaigning.
Now I agree, explosions can be awesome. But [shows article] the sonic BOOM created by the two F-15s that were dispatched were not perceived as awesome by the residents. Not so much explosion wow but explosion we're going to die.
Please, practice safe ex. Plosions. [Text on screen: Practice Safe Ex] [Additional text on screen: -Plosions]
By safe explosions, I mean none at all. Explosions are my thing. Possibly maybe we'll see.
Another news story that just gives explosions a bad name comes from Argentina. [shows article] A pilot in an airshow just, whoop, lost a wing. He miraculously walked away from the cockpit unaided and unharmed. He described his shock of the moment the wing fell off like, well, an EXPLOSION.
All this negative explosion news is gonna shift public opinion. Nothing I can do about it. I'm an unbiased media source. Like Fox News. [shows article] Which is taking heat because its parent company News Corporation donated one million dollars to the Republican Governors Association. The DNC's national press secretary commented, "Any pretense that may have existed about the ties between Fox News and the Republican Party have [text in article: has] been ripped violently away."
By an EXPLOSION.
That last explosion was implied.
That's super shameful, Fox News! I would never do anything like that ever!
[Craig's on the phone] Hello, I'd like to wire 30 million dollars to curbing all bad opinion on mass explosion reactions or CABOOMER. [Text on screen: C.A.B.O.O.M.E.R.] [sees camera] Why am I leaving the camera on for this? And why did I not edit this out?
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding) and explosions]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
The amount of explosions in this video wasn't sufficient. We need one more EXPLOSION! [Picture of t-shirt] Oh hey! Is that a new Explosion Wednesday t-shirt? Wow. Not that I'm trying to sway public opinion or anything, but that shirt can be bought in my store now. [whispers] Link in the doobly-doo.
Also, another attempt at a handstand. [points to a clickable annotation]
But the sonic booms caused by the two F-150s [two pictures of trucks] that were dispatched were not... The two F... 15s... I sayed F-150 before, didn't I? I'm an idiot.
singing rug, beardlovers, Explosion Wednesday, headlines, wink, merchandise, doobly-doo, outtakes
Safety Lessons on YouTube