It's June 29th, beardlovers, and it's my 20th movie. It's a celebration!
[squeezes squeaky toy] Hooraaay! [throws confetti]
[sings:] Should old acquaintance be forgot and [mumble some words] ... Doop doop ... Should old acquaintance be forgot and auld lang syne. Doop doop.
That song was for you guys. Thank you for all your support. [squeezes squeaky toy]
The cold lifeless claw of the ghost of the rent reaper is knocking at my door.
But I'm not worried. I recently had a phone conversation with my landlord.
[Craig imitating landlord's voice:] Hey Craig, it's Chet Whitley, your landlord. I was wondering if you could send me a rent check.
[Craig:] Oh I don't have enough money to pay rent this month. Sorry.
[Landlord:] Ummm... I kind of need the rent check from you.
[Craig:] I'll pay you... I'll pay you next month. For next month.
[Landlord:] Yeah, that's not going to do. It's kind of.... You're kind of obligated to pay me by law.
[Craig:] Oh yeah, sorry. I just can't do it. I just can't do it.
[Landlord:] What's that noise I hear?
[Craig:] Oh that? Oh, I'm on a rollercoaster. Uh oh. Whoaaaaa! Oh that was awesome! Kinda jerked my head around a little bit.
Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest. I feel good. Hey, you know what crushes a good mood like an eggshell inside a warm fist of malice and hatred?
[Two customers sit at a table chatting.]
[Customer 1:] So I went over to Chet Whitley's office.
[Customer 2:] Uh huh? Oh yeah. Chet? Cool.
[Customer 1:] I told him we could close this deal because...
[Customer 2:] Uh huh
[Wheezy the waiter:] Hey guys, welcome to [music]. Can I get you something to drink?
[Both customers turn and look at Wheezy and then return to their conversation.]
[Customer 1:] Because we got to get work on this...
[Customer 2:] Uh huh. Yeah. Right.
[Wheezy the waiter:] I just wondered can I get you guys something to drink?
[They look at him again and keep talking even when Wheezy speaks.]
[Wheezy the waiter:] I'm sorry. I thought you'd want food or drink. In a restaurant. Tell you what... Why don't you stay in my section all day so I don't make any money off this table and probably get evicted and starve to death? Lick my balls.
[Customer 2:] I'm really good with stuff so I think my dick is bigger than yours. I think so. I haven't measured for sure but I think it probably is bigger than your dick.
Well that was a Crazy Crazy Crazy ... There Are A Bunch of Different Types of Customers.
Hey, I'm using a different camera right now because mine stopped working.
I had a song planned for you guys tonight but I ran out of time because I had to bike for miles and miles to Ryan's house to get his camera.
And now I kinda have some bad news. I won't be making movies next week. Not because I want a break but because I have a lot of other things I have to do. Edit the Ozark Cousins movie, buy a better microphone so I sound sexy, work to pay my rent, reestablish my friendships, fix my stupid camera, and listen to all the songs that you write about chips and salsa, which so far is zero. Get to work! I will continue to blog and maybe squeeze out a tiny video here or there.
A couple more things. Thank you to Ashleigh for helping me film the Indiana Jones hallway chase and for the title Indiana Jones and the Temple of Room. And thank you Matthew for the title Beard Science. And finally, congratulations to Zaid and Amelia. They're getting married tomorrow. Hooray! [throws confetti] [squeezes the squeaky toy twice] I'm going to miss you guys but just think how full my beard will be in a week.
beardlovers, song, clone, music replaces the restaurant's name, It's a Crazy Crazy Crazy ... There Are A Bunch of Different Types of Customers, Ozark Cousins, wink
Roller Coaster of Rent on YouTube