Right Said Bread

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"Right Said Bread"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 148
Original Upload date April 10, 2009
Running time 0:02:37
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro website/youtube outro
Wink submitted by yellowheart89
Great People
Guests: Mike Benedetto's voice
Episode chronology
← Previous
"The Final Result of All Human Achievement"
Next →



[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[slides in/singing rug has some crackles in it]
Greetings beardlovers. This singing rug's getting dirty. Ugh. Someone oughta do something about that.
So the market has been... [money falls from above. Craig throws it back up.] So the market has been way up. [coins fall as Craig begins to sing:] Savings in the sky... [playing guitar] That is what you are. [coins fall] [clears throat]
So some of you loved my weird little coffee freakout in my last video. [shows comment:] "Yes, yes, and YES." And a few of you, like Anonymous on wheezywaiter dot com, not so much. [shows comment: "2 videos a week now and this is what you give us!!!??? Just plain awful"] You're entitled to your opinion. [laughs] Urine titled. [clears throat] Serious time. Sometimes I'm just gonna put myself out there and do crazy things like re-enact my mom as a vulgar, coffee-drinking woman who stands by the window.
[Craig at window as his hypothetical mother:] That's because you're a *ding*ing idiot.
Moooom! [sighs]
Just saying. Sometimes I get crazy town.
[Outside:] Like doing this part of the episode outside. That's crazy. Why would I do that? That doesn't make any sense. As the old adage goes, you can't please everyone. You gotta please yourself. Or. Birds of a feather flock together. So... Two in the hand is worth being yourself. [looks confused] When in Rome, do crazy things?
I think the first adage was right.
So I won a contest on Dailybooth for starting this thread. [shows Dailybooth thread of him pouring water on the comments] [Title on screen: Link in the describey] I dumped water all over the comments. It was aquatically delicious. Thank you Dailybooth and Throwboy Pillows for this lovely RSS feed pillow. If you click on this feed right now, it will take you to a blog that updates every time I take a nap. [long pause waiting for people to click]
I think it's time for some Right Said Bread.
[singing:] I'm too sexy for this toaster [camera zooms in on the toaster]
Too sexy for this toaster
No way I'm toasting this bread [Craig holds a piece of bread near toaster and shakes his head]
I'm too sexy for this ham [picture of a ham]
Too sexy for this cheese [picture of a block of swiss cheese]
No sandwiches please [A drawing of a sandwich with a big red X through it]
I'm too sexy for this garbage [Craig dancing outside near the garbage cans, with a piece of bread in his hand]
Too sexy for this can [closeup of a garbage can outside]
No trash for this man [Craig opens the trash can and starts to put the bread in. Big red X on frame. Craig shakes his head]
I'm too sexy for this stove [camera zooms in on stove]
Too sexy for this pan [pan on stove]
No way I'm frenching this bread. [Craig holds up piece of bread in front of stove and shakes his head]
[Cut to Craig kissing the piece of bread. He sees the camera.]
Oh! Maybe I am frenching the bread in a different way.
Oh *shirt* it's Free Bagel Friday.
[Craig walks up to the bagels. Picks up a bagel and a note. Music begins to play as he reads the note.]
[Voice of Craig's boss reading letter:] Dear Wheezy Waiter, Went home sick. I left the bagel you were going to steal. See my portrait below for punching.
[Wheezy looks at a stick figure drawing off his boss on the bottom of the letter]
[Voice of Craig's boss:] Oh no! Not a punching!
[Craig punches the piece of paper, which floats to the ground. Craig knocks over the recycling bin that his boss often overturns when flying back from punches. Craig walks away.]
Yellowheart, can I have an androgynous wink, please?
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
[Voice of Craig's boss over footage of empty bagel area/overturned recycle bin:] Oh no! My faaaaaaaace!

Continue here

To see what happens when viewers click on the RSS field pillow, click here: Oops

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, Sky Bank, comments, hypothetical mother, *ding*, describey, interactive video, breakfast puns, song, *shirt*, Free Bagel Friday, wink


This is the first interactive video.

Related videos

The "weird little coffee freakout in my last video" refers to The Final Result of All Human Achievement.

External links

Right Said Bread on YouTube