Red Scare

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"Red Scare"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 233
2010
Original Upload date January 15, 2010
Running time 0:04:13
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro Sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by rhysandmiles
Great People
Guests: Mike Benedetto
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese"
Next →
"Best Job in the World"

Video

Transcript

[Craig is staring at camera. Turns to alternate camera angle and stares at camera. Looks up to yet another camera angle, staring. Bangs on the toy keyboard near him. Turns to another camera angle filming him from the kitchen. He gets out of his chair, does a somersault (kind of), gets up, goes back to his chair, turns back to the regular angle]
Morning, beardlovers. We're halfway through the month. [smiles]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Morally correct thing to do number one. There's a charity I donate to called Action Against Hunger. They're currently aiding Haiti in disaster relief. Link in the doobly-doo. [points in the wrong direction]
Morally correct thing to do number two. [holds up one finger] [annotation on screen: Two?] There's this guy by the name of Shawn who goes by UnculturedProject on YouTube. He's trying to win a contest to go to Davos to talk to world leaders about global pover... gobal po... global poverty. That's hard to say. And also hard to live through. You can follow the link in the doobly-doo [points]. I pointed in the wrong direction for Action Against Hunger. That's also over there. [points] Find Shawn's video and click the thumbs-up. Today, January 15th, is the last day to vote.
Conscience cleared. Back to being a selfish *pants*hole.
What's with my lips? They're so red. Stalin would be proud. [Extreme closeup of Craig's lips with a hammer and sickle superimposed over them as Craig hums the the Soviet national anthem]
I looked up the Soviet national anthem from 1918 to 1943. [long pause] What am I doing with my life?
So at the beginning of the month, I made a few resolutions. One being I was going to make a video every single weekday in January and in those videos have at least one different camera angle. And I did that in every video.
Yesterday I asked you to tell me what I was doing wrong in my video. I'd say about 130 percent of you, which is an exaggeration, because that's impossible, but a lot of you said that I didn't have a different camera angle. Just to show you which video I'm talking about, here's a clip.
[Black and white clip from previous day's video of Craig turning to the alternate camera angle:] There are idiots in New York. [turns back:] But it may hin....
I searched long and hard through that video and you're right. I couldn't find a different camera angle. Wait, which video am I talking about again? Let's... let's see another clip.
[Black and white clip from previous day's video of Craig turning to the alternate camera angle:] There are idiots in New York. [turns back:] But it may hin....
Yep, no. Nope. No different camera angle. [turns to alternate camera angle, leans in and whispers:] I've had a different camera angle in every single video in January, and in every single video someone comments that I don't have a different camera angle.
[turns back] But I'm not bitter. Hmm. Wonder when the different camera angle in this video is gonna happen?
I also gave you an ultimatum that if I got 100,000 subscribers by the end of the month, I would make a video every weekday for the rest of the year. 100,000 subscribers is ridiculous, I know, but so is making a video every weekday for the rest of the year.
I've gained a lot of ground and almost doubled subscribers thanks to people like olgakay, Dan Brown, tristopiaTV, vlogbrothers, and all of you. Thank you. Or as they say in Russian, Спасибо. Thank you very much. This has already been an amazing month. But at this rate, I'm probably not gonna make 100,000 subscribers. But to spare you my whining, I'm gonna go quietly emote far away from the camera.
[Sitting at kitchen table, crying] I'm not gonna make my goal. [cries some more]
[Lying in bed, crying.] Why? [crying]
[Sitting in chair by window, crying, rocking back and forth:] I'm cold. I'm so cold. [crying]
Glad I kept that private. That would've been embarrassing. [looks down] Wait! Was I holding this wireless microphone the WHOLE TIME?! [Craig's face turns red. Really really red.] I'm embarrassed.
[Miles, the winker:] Hey Rhys!
[Rhys:] Yes Miles?
[Miles:] Wanna record a wink for Wheezy Waiter?
[Rhys:] Yay!
[Miles prepares to wink.]
[Rhys:] Boring! [gets up and leaves, singing:] R-H-Y-S is pronounced as Rhys. R-H-Y-S is pronounced as Rhys.
[Miles sighs and winks (ding). Smiles]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
Oh crap. [turns to alternate camera angle:] I forgot to do a different camera angle in this video. [looks up at another camera angle:] You should probably ridicule me about that in the comments. [bangs on toy keyboard]
[turns back] Also, oh *shirt* it's Free Bagel Friday.
[Craig's boss walks up to the bag of bagels. Craig walks up.]
[Craig:] Hey! Gimme that bagel!
[Craig's boss, cutting a bagel, glances at Craig:] Whoa. Who invited Stalin's army?
[Craig:] What?
[Craig's boss:] Talk about a red scare. [points to Craig]
[Craig:] Oh. My lips.
[Craig's boss begins humming the Soviet national anthem. Craig punches him and he flies backwards, knocking over recycling bin. Craig grabs bagel and leaves.]
[Craig's boss, lying on floor:] The Communist model only works in theory, not in practice. Ow.

Recurring elements

alternate camera angle, beardlovers, doobly-doo, *pants*, comments, ultimatum, turning red from embarrassment, wink, *shirt*, Free Bagel Friday

Related videos

The previous day's video that Craig refers to and shows a clip from is Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese.

External links

Red Scare on YouTube