Quiet Clone's Secret
|"Quiet Clone's Secret"|
|Original Upload date||August 19, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||terabrite|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Since I ate so much yesterday, I decided to get all dressed up to go for a jog, but then I remembered the whole reason I became a video blogger was so that I would never have to interact with the outside world, so I'm just gonna go through the motions. [slides back in his chair to the middle of his room/singing rug. Runs in place. From his chair. Panting.] Pause for traffic. [Starts running in his chair again.] Hi! How you doing? [looks over his shoulder] Nice butt. [Breathes heavily.] Out of the way, kids! Out of the way! [Runs in his chair]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Now walking in his chair, exhaling deeply.] You always gotta end with a cool-down. Oh hey again! [looks over his shoulder, wags his glasses up and down] Daddy likes. [notices the imaginary person noticing him] Oh! I dropped my... my thing. [bends down to get it, still looking over his shoulder.]
I probably should eat as much as I ate yesterday. I'm anorexic. Like three times a day. Between breakfast and lunch, lunch and dinner, dinner and sleep. I don't even eat in my sleep anymore. As far as I know. I must drink, though, because I always wake up with wet bedsheets.
There's something very important that's happened to me recently, and I wanna share it with you. I got a NEW COUCH! [pans camera to new couch] It's very awesome. And very new.
[shows comment from MuntedTV] Sorry, Craig, but the couch isn't really new anymore. [Craig mimics the ellipsis and emoticon at the end of the comment which looks like this: ..../ ]
Yes it is! Listen to this. [Removes couch cushion and music plays.] Hear that? That's the sound it makes in Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time when you get a new item.
[Says very emphatically] Never go back on a statement. Conviction leads to success. [As he says this, the words appear beside him: Never go back on a statement. Conviction leads to success. -Craig Benzine] Right? Eh... ih... ah... ih... am I right? [The quote onscreen changes to: Never go back on a statement. Conviction leads to success. Right? eh ih ah ih Am I right? -Craig Benzine]
You're just jealous 'cause my couch is beautiful.
[shows comment from PokeKai493] I don't even like your new couch. [Craig mimics emoticon at the end of the comment, which is this one .>.> ]
WHAT?! Even Craig with a Wig likes the new couch.
[Craig with a Wig:] Is that what was in the box those dudes carried through here over a month ago? I said I could relate to it. 'Cause I thought it was empty. Like me.
[theme song:] He's Craigity Craig, Craig with a Wig. [Craig with a Wig turns his head and smiles.] [toy piano key]
I consider that a glowing review.
Okay, all silliness aside, today I wanted to talk to you about... oh! Sweet Samwise Gamgee! What is that horrid pungent essence?! [sniffs] Oh, I jogged, and I haven't showered yet. Gross! I hate having to do those mundane but necessary things you have to do every day. How do I spice it up? Besides the already spicy smell? How about with song? [holds up his hand and the guitar travels across the room to his hand. He plays it and sings:]
Stinky body, stinky body,
Sweat and grease and dirt and grime, [gets up and walks towards bathroom]
If you want to date some hotties, [As he walks through living room, he takes off his shirt]
Best get naked, shower time. [Drops his shorts, a black box appears over his lower region]
Body odor, overloader, smell exploder [Explosion]
Time to motor
Into the loo [runs into bathroom, black box over his butt]
Go right next to [shot of toilet]
Where I take poo,
Also pee too,
Feel uncertain, pull the curtain...
Naked person! [There's a clone in the shower.]
[Craig:] Quiet Clone?
[Quiet Clone mumbles quietly:] What are you doing here?
[Craig:] You even shower quiet. How is that possible?
[Quiet Clone mumbles quietly.]
[Craig:] Why does everything you do have to be so subtle? [looks down] [Quiet Clone looks down] Oh my g... That's not subtle. [Leaves the bathroom] Now I feel unadequate.
[Quiet Clone looks at the camera and mumbles, pulls the shower curtain closed.]
[TeraBrite sings the outro theme:] Wheezy Waiter [and wink (ding) (ding)]
[Craig opens door to bathroom:] Quiet Clone? You done? [Not hearing a response, he nods and enters. Pulls back shower curtain. Quiet Clone is still showering. He mumbles quietly.]
[Craig:] Gah! You need to learn to speak up! [Runs out of bathroom. Pokes his head back in.] By the way, I think you can be a porn star. [pulls bathroom door closed behind him]
[outtakes of Craig reacting in surprise to Quiet Clone in his shower:] Gaaaaah! [looks towards window where there's a lot of noise] There's a... a air show going on? Or what?
The previous day's video in which Craig eats a lot is Bitter.
Quiet Clone's Secret on YouTube