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WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 503
Original Upload date May 6, 2011
Running time 0:02:15
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by WheezyWaiter
Episode chronology
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"No Internet Song"
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[slides in/singing rug]
[Nods, smiling] [Text appears on screen beside him: *nods* - Craig Benzine]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Guess what? I like you. Like a lot. Way more than anyone else. Like bigger than the frame. [stretches out his arms and adjusts himself so that his outstretched arms stretch across the entire frame] There. Like, more than I like other people, not more than other people like you. Though that might be true too. Not that other people don't like you. I just find it hard to believe that they could like you more than I like you.
[turns to another angle labeled "untruth cam"] Ooh, I hate you so much! [turns back to main camera angle]
Knock knock. [suppresses laughter] [covers mouth] Who's there? [uncovers mouth] No one. That's just the sound of my heart beating for you. It actually makes that knocking sound. I may have a... a cholesterol problem.
I'm just gonna look at you for a second. [leans towards camera and looks into it for a few moments] Color me smitten. Smitten's not a color. But if it were, it'd be the color of your eyes. Blue. Green. Hazel gray brown. Red.
Now this isn't the type of video where I want you to send this to someone that you like. This is just for you. You can send it to them. But they suck compared to you. Unless you were sent this video by someone other than me. Then uh... I'm sure you've got good qualities.
The world is the letter Q. Cause it's useless without U.
You, person watching right now, you cease to amaze me. You make amazing look standard.
If you are a heterosexual man, as I am, you might feel a little bit uncomfortable right now. Dude, don't worry. I like you too. You thought I was just talking about the ladies. No! This is all about friendship. About people who are smart. And great. And wonderful. Which is all of you. I... it's true... I actually made a Venn diagram. [holds up Venn diagram] See? There's you right in the middle. Right there with me.
Is all this positivity too much for you? You know what? Because I like you so much you can go here to watch a negative video. [points to a clickable annotation leading to another video] Click here. It'll cleanse your palate. Have an iPhone? I like you too. There's a link in the doobly-doo.
Now, if you don't mind, I'm just gonna stare into your smart great wonderful eyes. [sighs and stares into the camera. Winks (ding)] Oh, unless you're a dude. Am I making you uncomfortable? I'm just watching the game. Just watching the game behind you. Good game, bro. Is that... is that... is that salsa... on the table... over there? Is that also a bag of chips you got? I love chips and salsa!

Continue here

The negative video is here: Negative

Recurring elements

singing rug, Craig quotes, untruth cam, doobly-doo, wink, chips and salsa


This is the first video with the untruth cam.

External links

Positive on YouTube