[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. So I read on the internet about how the internet gives you popcorn brain. [Shows article.] Which is a brain that's so overstimulated it's unfit for the slow pace of reality or something. I don't know, I didn't read the whole thing. Plus there was a list on the side of raunchy European cities [shows headline] and I love lists. I'd read a list of your favorite number twos. I eat that up. Oooh... choice of words fail. [looks down] Ooh! Alligator toy! [Holds up toy] Rawr rawr rawr! I could play with you for hours. Rawr rawr. [Throws toy over his shoulder] Hehe. [Picks up toy piano and plays a few notes]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro is cut short]
Okay, I think the intro is long enough, thank you very much. Cut to closeup. [Closeup] Cut to closer. [Closer] Back to standard. [Back to standard shot]
So today's topic of conversation...
[A clone enters in background from the bathroom:] Craig!
[Clone:] I got a question.
[Craig:] Ooh. Ask! Ask!
[Clone:] Should I ... um... for the bathroom... um... should I...
[Clone:] Should I use antibacterial or... um... should I...
[Craig:] Too slow. Pause for buffering.
[The clone stops talking.]
[Craig:] Ooh, look at other clone.
[Shot of clone in the kitchen.]
[Craig:] Look at the way his butt wiggles while he sweeps.
[The sweeping clone turns around and looks at Craig.]
[Craig:] Hehehe. Shoot.
[Bathroom clone goes back into the bathroom]
I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done! [Craig puts in an earphone and walks to kitchen listening to a song and singing along:] Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down. [Craig punches sweeping clone as he walks into kitchen.] Never gonna run around and desert you. [Still looking at his phone, Craig grabs the coffee pot and pours coffee onto the counter instead of the mug sitting nearby.] Never gonna make you cry. Never gonna make you say goodbye. [Grabs mug and takes a sip of the non-existent coffee in the mug.] Weak. [Looks out window] Oh hey. The outside show. Oh wow! I want in! Aaaaaaaaaaa! [Leans out window. Falls onto sidewalk.] Ugh. Oh. Fail.
[Stands up. Music plays over shots of plants.] The outside. It's so beautiful. [Tree branches] Makes me realize... how bored I am. [Music stops.] I'm doing an iPhone video.
[Walks down sidewalk, filming himself on his iPhone:] Hey beard lovelies, guess what? I just fell from a two-story building right there, and I landed right there on the sidewalk. And then I got up and I looked at nature and I was like, duh, boring nature. So then I was like, I'm gonna make an iPhone video so that's what I did. I also read a comment [text on screen: article] about how the internet's changing our brains. Ain't no one gonna change my brain. Uh uh. Now to instantly upload to YouTube. Beardlovers are gonna love this one. They love when I talk about hurting myself. [Looks at a tree] Oh, that's a very nice tree. For me to read comments at. [Leans against the tree and looks down at his phone. Dramatic music as the phone's screen is black.] No power! Oh god! Nature! [Shots of leaves and trees around him.] Oh! Oh, beautiful boring nature. Oh! What do I do? [Sees a plant nearby. Puts up the forefinger and thumb of each hand to frame the plant with his hands.] Wow. That plant's framed very well. It's like a pretty high resolution live stream. Almost HD. And you can take it anywhere. [Walks down sidewalk, holding the frame.] Oh wow! Look at that door. What do you guys think of that door? The tree! The tree! The stop sign! [Runs around the corner.]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[He comes back into his apartment with his hands still outstretched, framing everything.] Shutting my door. Hey! Hey, check out my frigerator. Ooh. Beard pillow's streaming to you live on the Craig show. What do you think about that? Hey! Guitar. Alright, real camera! Real cam... real camera? Hmm. [Drops his hands.] I might be on the internet too much. Hey, how about I take a break and leave with my band on tour July 20th? Going out West coast style. Dates in the doobly-doo. And maybe it's time to get back to reality a bit. I got an idea. How about you go to wheezywaiter dot com and watch the making of this video including how I make my splitscreens? That's right. Secrets revealed. Notice how I say splitscreens and not clones. Clones are real. I just like to shoot them separately in a split screen because I hate sharing the screen with them.
singing rug, beardlovers, headlines, clone, "I love it when the coffee's done!", wink, Driftless Pony Club (DPC), doobly-doo
Making of Popcorn Brain
Popcorn Brain on YouTube