Poker for Charity
|"Poker for Charity"|
|Original Upload date||September 8, 2009|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Title on screen: Ford Fiesta Mission #4] [Shot of Fiesta]
[Craig, lying in the backseat, sits up.]
Oh hey. I was just taking a nap in my Ford Fiesta. Why am I sleeping in here? Well, kind of have a gambling problem. Don't ask. You can ask. I won't here you though. It's a video.
Speaking of gambling, I organized a poker game the other day with a bunch of quirky characters. [Banjo music plays]
Like Fistacuff McGee. [Jake turns to camera, resting his chin on the giant fist he's wearing on his right arm. He throws a punch to camera.] [Text on screen: Fistacuff McGee]
The Shady Russian. [A guy pushes sunglasses up his nose] Get it? Because he has sunglasses. [Text on screen: The Shady Russian]
The Drunk. [A guy pours a glass of Jim Beam. Then drinks from the bottle and toasts the camera with the glass.] [Text on screen: The Drunk]
The WInner. [A guy does jumping jacks] [Text on screen: The Winner]
The Girl. [Eliza smiles and waves to camera.] With a Gun. [She holds up a gun.] [Text on screen: The Girl! ... with a gun.]
And some guy that showed up and just kept eating tamales. Nom nom nom nom. [Text on screen: Tomale Guy?]
It was for charity so half the pot goes to the Prevent Cancer Foundation [text on screen: www.preventcancer.org]
Playing for charity's nice because when you lose you feel terrible, but you also feel really good inside. Time for the highlight reel.
[Craig to table full of players:] Hey, you know what, guys? I'm all in.
[Players:] Against cancer!!
[Jazz music plays over sped-up footage of everyone playing poker. Fistacuff McGee balances cards on his giant fist. They fall off. He pounds the table with his giant fist. Tamale Guy puts the cards in his mouth, looks confused, then takes a bite of the tamale instead. The Drunk drinks more Jim Beam from the bottle, falls asleep for a second, drinks some more. The Girl with a Gun smiles and waves to camera, then lifts the gun and looks badass.]
[The Shady Russian:] I can't see anything right now. [Shot of his cards, a 2 of clubs and 3 of hearts.] Two aces? Very nice.
[The Winner:] No more chips. I win!!
[The Shady Russian:] You lose, Matthew. You lose. So lose.
[The Winner:] I've lost the most money so I win. [at door:] It was nice to meet all of you. I win. [opens the door and leaves.]
[Craig:] What the *ding* are you doing in my bathroom?
[Fistacuff McGee:] He's peeing.
[Tamale guy comes out of the bathroom:] I just *shirt*.
[The Girl with a Gun:] I'm probably gonna win this hand cause... uh... I'm a girl.
[The Drunk:] [sarcastic] Yeah. What?
[The Girl with a Gun:] With a gun! [points gun at The Drunk]
[The Drunk:] Fold.
[Fistacuff McGee:] I fold. [spills something on floor]
[Craig:] It spilled.
[Fistacuff McGee:] It spilled big time. [tries to wipe up spill with paper towel using his giant fist.]
As the night went on, people dropped out due to losing or sleepiness. It came down to just me and The Shady Russian. [shots of table and poker chips] The tension grew as the closeups became more extreme. [Extreme closeups of Craig's mouth and The Shady Russian's sunglasses.]
But it got really late so we quit and went with what we had. I ended with less than what I started but not zero. Success. The real loser was cancer due to the money we raised. [holds up some cash] And Ford donated a giant check for 500 dollars. [holds up a big cardboard check] Thanks Ford.
Just gonna go back to sleep. Could I have some winks please?
[Winker holding a dog:] This little guy's name is Wink. I wish I could make him wink on command but I'm sorry. [winks (ding)]
[Another winker winks three times (ding) (ding) (ding)]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
[Voiceover over footage of Fiesta:] Probably shouldn't have bet the apartment on a pair of sevens. Hmm, this giant check works as a cozy blanket. Snuggle snuggle.
Poker for Charity on YouTube