[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. It appears there has been another oil drilling problem. [shows article] Oil platform fire reported in Gulf of Mexico. And it's not even Wednesday! Not that that's a thing. Please, leave the explosions to me, an untrained, self-declared professional. Why are we drilling all this oil anyway? It's not like we need it for the manufacturing and delivery of most of our goods and services. What do we use oil for? [leans towards computer] Hmmm.... [reads. As he reads, his eyes widen and his mouth drops open.] Ohhhhhhh! I need to stockpile my supply of energy and canned goods. [Grabs cans and a bottle of motor oil, runs into the kitchen]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hello again. [smiles and waves] Everything's fine with the world. [smiles] Hehehehe. [closeup of him laughing] Hehehehehe. [In medium closeup, we see him holding a knife, still smiling and laughing] Hehehe. I'm holding a knife now. That's weird. Better set that down. [puts it down] Oh! Still holding it. [raises it again, still in his hand]
We're fine. The fall of modern civilization due to depleting resources is a bridge we'll cross when we get there. Or... wade across the river among the scattered bits of concrete clutching our babies with bags of canned fruit tied to our feet.
Bah, I'm not gonna let a possible grim future get me down. I have the support of all of you wonderful people living in the now. Let's check the comments.
Lanthanue writes [shows comment] Damn, I was just watching a couple of the older OLDER Wheezy Waiter movies. Bring back some old Wheezy.
And then he did this face [mimics the emoticon :D ]
Well, Lanthanue, life is progress. We have to move on. We can't just dwell on the past.
7thsanctum writes [shows comment] What happened to breathing? I always thought breathing was your thing.
Again, the past.
[shows comment by DrQuijano:] Whatever happened to Free Bagel Friday?
Well, it's just that...
[shows comment by ihatebeverlyhills] No coffee today?
[shows comment by capcom11427:] What about banjo face?
[shows comment by sorent1995:] WE WANT CLONES!!!
[Pants a little] That's not breathing. That's panting. I'm not doing a thing today. [Pants]
Alright, let's calm down.
The past is getting to me. The future is getting to me. Only one thing to do. Make a sandwich.
[Music starts playing. Craig's in the kitchen now.]
First you take the bread, [holds up bread]
Then you slap it on your head, [slaps a piece of bread against his forehead]
Then you take the cheese, [holds up cheese]
Then you rub it on your knees, [rubs a piece of cheese on his knee]
Then you take tomato [Grabs tomato and puts it on plate]
Then you cut it on the plate-o, not Plato or Play-Doh, [cuts tomato]
Then you take the beefs, [Craig walks over to dresser and takes out a pair of underwear]
No, those are boxer briefs. [Lifts out the meat from the dresser]
Then you take the spinach [holds up spinach]
And you lower down the drawbridge [opens the sandwich]
And you place it on the bread [drops spinach onto sandwich]
And then take nap in your bed. [Sleeps in bed]
It's pretty tiring.
It's really tiring.
[Craig snores in bed. Wakes up.] That's right. I made a sandwich. [Gets out of bed]
[Viewer-submitted outro theme and winks (ding}]
Now I can just enjoy this sandwich. Not think about the future or the past. [looks around at the bags around him for bread, spinach, tomato] You need oil to make plastic, don't you? [Drops sandwich, frustrated] Well, at least the commenters won't say anything about this sandwich. [Picks up sandwich again.]
[shows comment from ThePitchersArsenal: Wheezy you said sandwich! I thought you pronounced it sammich???]
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Past vs Sandwich vs Future on YouTube