[Wheezy Waiter beard intro with 'Wheezy Waiter clip' song]
Hmm... speaking of beards, looks like I need to trim mine. [cut to Craig with a trimmed beard and no shirt] Oooh, forgot my shirt. There we go.
Just wanted to say thanks for all your breakfast comments.
In case you missed it, I'm going to be changing up my life a little bit, starting Monday.
[voiceover over Craig, paused:] Hi. This is the voice of future Craig. I forgot to say this earlier, but the way in which I'm changing up my life is I'm getting up at 7 every morning and eating breakfast. Okay, carry on.
I may start simple with just peanut butter and toast, as suggested by Ranch foreman George McJunkin. [shows comment]
I'm not used to getting up that early. Alright, now I'm late. I have to go eat. I will return instantly in a different location but more full.
[Craig in a different location. Title on screen: Three and a half hours later. Craig is half-lying down.]
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I'm so full. I just ate, like, three pounds of macaroni and cheese at a Chicago restaurant called Kuma's. Now I'm doing laundry at my girlfriend's house. In order to get the laundry done, I had to go down, like, three flights of stairs. And I had to wash the pants that I was wearing. So that means I'm wearing pajama pants and shoes.
[dances, showing off his pajama pants and shoes]
Ugggghh. So, thanks for all the comments. Now let's close it out with a wink. Doggie style. [Picture of dog winking (ding)]
[Title: your eyelids (or your pet's) can ding too!]
[Title: send me some winks.]
[Title: contact info and other wonderful things at:]