Original Craig

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"Original Craig"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 308
2010
Original Upload date May 11, 2010
Running time 0:02:49
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by Mattkips
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Killing Clones is not Murder"
Next →
"There's a Death at the End of This Video"

Video

Transcript

[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Feelin' down? Have no friends? First of all, stop being such a jerk. Secondly, get one of these things. [holds up one of those headscratchers. Uses it to scratch his head] Ahhh, who needs friends? Ahhh. Ahh... Nope. Too used to that pattern. Turn it please. [He turns it] Ahh, that's better. The box said something about using both ends. I don't get it.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Today is Yousday Tuesday ... or something, the day that I respond to your comments ... or something.
colonel018 writes [shows comment from colonel081:] Does Craig with a Wig have any clones?
Yes he does and I'm sorry to show you this but they're even more depressing.
[Craig with a Wig sits at the table with waffles in front of him and a clone sitting next to him.]
[Craig with a Wig:] These waffles are delicious. I hate them.
[Craig with a Wig's clone:] I hate them more.
[Craig with a Wig:] I hate that you hate them more.
[Craig with a Wig's clone:] I hate that I hate them the most.
[Theme song:] They're Craigity Craigs, Craigs with Some Wigs.
[They turn their heads and smile] [toy piano key]
[Craig with a Wig's clone:] You take up more of the screen. I don't care. Just an observation.
JasonRobbo writes [shows comment] Shouldn't the smartest clone kill Craig and all the other clones and start again? Self-evolution at its finest.
There's been a lot of speculators in the comments... Spec you later! [Audience laughs. Craig laughs and starts coughing. The audience laughter stops.] I think I saw stars when I did that... in the comments wondering if I'm a clone that killed the original Craig and took over. I honestly don't remember. I do, however, wake up every morning and make the clones and then kill them every night. So for all intensive purposes [text on screen: intents and purposes], I am the original Craig. And I'm also the smartest. So Mister Robbo, no evolution needed. Judging by the fact that I'm on the far right [text on screen: left] side of the screen leads me to believe there's a clone coming on. [A clone moves into frame, fists up.]
[Clone:] I'm the smartest!
[Craig:] There he is. Let's not solve this with violence. Let's use our minds. [The clone drops his fists.] Thought microphone on. [Craig puts his finger to his temple, like he's thinking.] [His thought mic:] Punches.
[The clone reacts as if punched. Puts his finger to his temple. His thought microphone:] Punches harder.
[Craig reacts to being punched. Puts his finger to his temple. Thought mic:] Punches hardest.
[The clone reacts to being punched. Puts his finger to his temple. Thought mic:] Punches hardest times infinity.
[Craig reacts in pain. Puts his finger to his temple. Thought mic:] Kills. [sound of a gunshot. The clone collapses, dead.]
[Craig:] Hehe. I'm the smartest.
[Clone raises his head and puts his finger to his temple. Thought mic:] Raises from dead. Kills hardest times infinity.
[Now Craig collapses. Dead.]
{Clone:] New original! [looks at Craig] You're super dead.
Feels good to be on top! Wait, I died. Does that make me a zombie? Probably not. [sniffs] I think the coffee's done. [turns to alternate camera angle] I love it when the brains are done! Let's pretend I didn't say that. Okay? Okay. [gets up to get coffee]
[Comes back with coffee, sits down, sipping it] Mmm. Delicious brains. Coffee! I said coffee. These are not brains from another clone. Hehehehe.
So I've listened to all of your new outros submitted and I've narrowed it down to some of my favorites. But it's not over. You can keep sending me more. Let's set an end date. Two Fridays from now. 21st. Send me a new outro. Same melody, same length. Send it to wheezyoutro at gmail or make it a video response. [Smiles]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
There's been a lot of speculators in the comments wondering whether I'm the original Craig or a clone that killed the original Cleg. Cleg? Cleg? That's my new name now, I guess.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, comments, Craig with a Wig, Craig with a Wig's clone, clone, laugh track, thought microphone, alternate camera angle, wink, outtakes

External links

Original Craig on YouTube