[Footage of Wheezy] [Title on screen: MC Wheezy Waiter live at Schubas 09/03/07] [Title on screen: next may or may not show at Schubas with my band, Driftless Pony Club. also featuring Ben Weaver and the MC Chrissy Fiction 09/17/07]
Yeah this is May or May Not's practice space. This is their first night of a four-night series in four weeks. And the idea is they're gonna hone their skills every week and gradually get better and better. So... so what I'm saying is... [Female off-camera says 'We'll see.'] tonight will be their worst performance. But I'm sure it'll be great. May or May Not.
[wheezywaiter dot com chips and salsa intro]
Greetings wheezies. It's September 11th.
The fact that I'm posting a new movie after a long hiatus on such an historic day is mere coincidence. That tragic day in history on which our country was attacked by terrorists, perpetuating two wars, one a well-intended but practically abandoned war in Afghanistan, the other an ill-planned ill-motivated war in Iraq, will not be discussed. I obviously have no opinions on the subject. [sips beer]
The real reason that I'm making a movie is that I was gonna work a double shift but they sent me home because they didn't need me tonight. Lunch shift. Waaa! Dinner shift. Raspberry [and thumbs-down].
[clears throat] It seems to me that there are two types of blog posts that are most common among bloggers these days. The first one I will call the Dust Bunny. Because it floats with the wind into the shadowy corners to be forgotten. The Dust Bunny is a blog about having nothing to blog about. Here's an example.
[Wheezy wakes up in bed:] Huh? Aww, dude. Aww.. yesterday, like, I, like, went... I woke up and I ate breakfast ... uh yeah... then I went to work too. And, ahh, there's nothing to blog about!
I don't think I'm guilty of that one.
The second one is called the Lame Duck. Because it sinks to the bottom of the lake of laziness and guilt. The Lame Duck is a blog about why you're so lame for not blogging for so long. Here's an example.
Hi. Sorry I haven't blogged for so long. I've been really busy. Yesterday I had to work a double shift. The day before, my mom called for five minutes. The day before, I had a slight cough. And the day before, I had to edit a wedding. And the day before, I had to edit a bar mitzvah. And the day before, I had to MC at a rock show.
Nope. Not guilty of that one either. [Sound of ducks]
I'm not gonna pummel you with excuses for why I've been gone so long. I'm sure you'd rather see me at another baseball game or something.
Oh, an a completely unrelated note, here's me and my dad at a White Sox game.
It was a sold out crowd. [Shot of half-empty or mostly empty stands] White Sox fans sure like their space. I wonder how they pay for this stadium. [Shows lots of advertisements] Maybe with a lot of perseverance, these blue-collar hose holders can become a white-collar hose sprayer. Fireworks during the day just aren't the same. Let's check out the stats of Scott Padsednik. No, let's get a Big Mac. [zooms in on McDonalds logo above screen] My dad set his priorities straight.
[Wheezy's dad:] I don't have a beer yet.
Huh? On TV, the field looks much bigger. [shows a miniature field]
They handed out towels. Are they telling me I need a shower?
Nobody likes us. [Two people sitting in upper corner of the stands with no one around them.]
They paid tribute to Fox, Baines, Appling, Minoso, Aparisio, Lyons, Pierce, Fisk, and Walgreens!
The game really got us excited. And we were equally excited to meet my mom [hand up to the camera] at the opera.
[Symphony playing. Craig and his dad watching and listening. (His dad might have his eyes closed.)]
Hey dad, what are you gonna do tonight?
[Wheezy's dad:] Get drunnnk!
[Opera singer singing while symphony plays]
[Craig's dad fake-crying]
Eventually I really got into it.
[Wheezy in his apartment holding a beer and rocking/conducting the symphony to the opera music]
[wheezywaiter dot com outro while applause continues]
Driftless Pony Club (DPC), wheezies, "get drunk!", wink
Opera Sox on YouTube