Oodles and Oodles
|"Oodles and Oodles"|
|Original Upload date||July 16, 2010|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||MamasCloset|
|No. of Attempts||3|
|Did His Wallet Fall Out?||Yes|
|No. Without the Wall:||0|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Come here. Come on! [Closeup of Craig] Come on. A little closer. [Closer up closeup of Craig] Come on. Closer. [Extreme closeup of Craig's nose and mouth] Closer! [Even closer extreme closeup of Craig's mouth and part of his nose] Alright, now lean in. Lean in to the screen. Lean close into the screen. Are you close up to your screen? [Sound of a chicken squawking and a picture of an egg yolk] Ohhh man! You got egg all over your face! That must be really gross for you! What if it had a pathogenic bacteria? You totally got, like, salmonella or something. What if it was fertilized? You got egg baby all over your face. Hahaha. [Chicken squawk and the picture of the egg is superimposed over Craig's face] What the... [moves his head and the egg moves with him] Gaaah! [wipes his face and egg picture disappears] Ugh!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So thanks to this girl [points a picture], Meekakitty, there is a slew of new subscribers coming to my channel.
Thank you, thesaurus dot com.
And thank you Meekakitty. Beards have just gotten more love.
Welcome, new subscribers. In time I may learn to love you as much as my old subscribers. Like whenever my old subscribers yawn, they have to stretch and they make a little sound, kinda like a cat. [makes a yawning sound that sounds like a cat] It's adorable. You gotta hear it. Or whenever we go out to eat, they have to order a cup of decaf before the meal and caffeinated after the meal. It's quirky. But it's fun.
Do you do those things?
You better learn if you want me to love you. Hehe. Just kidding. [Makes a serious face again]
I'm sure I can learn to love every single one of you. Not you, though. Get out! Get out! [A clone gets up from sitting off camera and walks towards the kitchen] Get to the alligator pit!
This is one of my clones. I feed 'em to the alligators. [The whale tank cover breaks and the clone falls in] I also have a whale tank. [whale sounds] [Michael Phelps does his stoner laugh] Oh you better not be smoking weed with Michael Phelps in there! There's alligators to feed! [shakes his head for a long time.] Still shaking my head.
Craig with a Wig is happy about all the new subscribers. Right, Craig with a Wig?
[Craig with a Wig:] I love meeting new people. Reminds me how much I hate everyone. Also, I hate love.
[Theme song:] He's Craigity Craig, Craig with a Wig. [Craig with a Wig turns and smiles] [toy piano key]
Always a good time.
Hey, let's hear me say 'oodles' again.
That was good.
Something about the way the spirits of those consonants and vowels mix together into a delicious auditory martini of poetic inebriation. Or... sounds awesome, bro!
Alright, enough of this nonsense. [Chicken squawks and Craig has egg on his face again] Gaah! [Wipes his face until the picture of the egg disappears] Gross!
Time for my fourth attempt at a handstand. One of these days I'm gonna be able to walk on my hands to the coffee. But not today. Today I'm gonna do a banjo face. [Craig attempts a handstand. Then attempts another one, way more successfully, and his wallet falls out as he does it. His keys fall out too.] Wallet and keys. [He does another handstand. Does a banjo face. Makes a serious face. Does a banjo face again. Serious face. Banjo face. Stops the handstand.]
I asked you for some advice on Twitter about how I'm doing. [Shows some Twitter replies from SuperPermanent, unsignedletters, JeffKapochus, somewheretofit, GeekoftheRings] A lot of you said I needed to improve my upper body strength. Psh... whaaaat?! Check out these babies. [Flexes his biceps and pictures of muscular biceps are superimposed over Craig's biceps] They're huge! I'm loving it! Okay, these are superimposed pictures. Show the real biceps. [Now pictures of Big Macs are superimposed over his biceps] I'm loving it.
You might be right. From now on I'll do handstands and then pushups. [Does pushups] One... two... [collapses on floor] Oh god! Oh I'm dying. Oh I'm dying.
Alright, let's have a wink.
[Viewer does a handstand, walks on his hands towards camera, winks (ding).]
Jealous. Not of the handstand. Of the armpit hair.
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
I'm sure I can learn to love every one of you. Not you! Get out! Get to the alligator tank! Tank? Pit. Alligator pit. Whale tank. Oh! So hard to keep track of these animal containment units!
This is the first handstand in which the wallet falls out.
Oodles and Oodles on YouTube