On the Meteor
|"On the Meteor"|
|Original Upload date||May 14, 2012|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||—|
Transcript (in progress)
Hey beardlovers. So a lot has happened in the past few weeks. Some of you may know a meteor has been plummeting to Earth, and I've been trying to stop it. Let me get you up to speed.
I discovered my meteor-repelling laser was missing. Corporate Clone recruited a bunch of clones to help Quiet Clone destroy the meteor with his ability to cause earthquakes while singing. Meanwhile, Clone in Love spotted a rogue team of clones stealing the meteor-repelling laser and leaving a target on top of a children's hospital. Will our brave clones be able to destroy the meteor in time? And what's with those other clones? And why is that clone not wearing a shirt? All of these questions, except the shirt question, will be answered. I'm certainly excited. It makes me want to do a banjo face.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah. Scarlett Johansson. Yowza! Am I right? I like her more than I hate the eagle. Anyway, let's talk about life.
- What's going on?
- Hey, Revenge Clone. You gotta stop that. Science Clone says we're landing soon so no more holodeck.
- Ruining my holodeck time.
- Come on. Come on.
- Landing successful. Hooray!
- Congratulations, clones. You landed the rocket. But don't go on holiday just yet. Now the real work begins. Science Clone, Sedimental Clone, you find a good spot for Quiet Clone to crack that meteor like an oyster, but don't stop for dipping sauce.
- Yes sir.
- Emotive musical Clone, you go with them to make sure that their daring actions have the proper musical accompaniment.
- What do I do?
- Sit tight. Man the rocket. Being trapped up there would be as bad as being trapped in New Brunswick.
- The city or the maritime province?
- The city.
- No free healthcare. Oh no!
- I'm likely to catch cold. Obviously.
- Expendable Clone, Science Clone tells me that that meteor has a small atmosphere that could dissipate at any time. Go on out ahead to monitor and warn us if anything changes.
- Where's my spacesuit?
- Last I checked, the canary in a coal mine didn't wear a spacesuit. If you start to not breathe, just give us a signal. Or gasping sounds. Or just die and we'll know to stay far away from you.
- The clock's ticking, clones. Humanity's fate rests on your shoulders. Get out there and show that meteor how we do things on Earth. By destroying things.
- Expendable Clone, get out there and test if the atmosphere's breathable. Science is all about experimentation.
- Ohhh! Woo. Aaaah. Still breathing. I can breathe.
- Splendid. Keep going until you can't breathe.
- I'm alive. Close to death. But I'm alive.
- Sedimental Clone, Quiet Clone, let's proceed to transform this giant meteor into a plethora of miniature meteors.
- Alright, let's go.
- Now's my chance. Hehehe.
- Suzanne, coffee! Where the hell is Suzanne? I'll get my own coffee.
Susan... I need coffee. Coffee. You know who likes coffee? Wheezy Waiter. Where's Wheezy Waiter?
What are they doing at the children's hospital? There's no time for kidding around.
- Sucks. This really sucks. Ohhh. Still breathing. Still alive. So... cold. What...?
- Everything go according to plan?
- Yes it did. We are indebted to you, oh great one.
- You can call me Dear Leader. Or Master of Ceremonies... Vladimir Putin... I'll get back to you on that one.
- Thank you, Your Excellency. We are at your mercy.
- I said I'll get back to you on that one.
- Aliens? I should tell the others.
- It's too heavy to move.
- What's it made outta? Your mom?
- I don't have a mom. I'm a clone. My mom is basically your mom.
- Whoa. Not cool, man. My mom's not fat.
- What are you doing? Fooling around like a couple of fools?
- We found this target.
- On top of a children's hospital? That can't be good.
- It was put here by a bunch of rogue clones who had the meteor-repelling laser.
- We have to move it, but it's too heavy.
- The only thing I know how to move is product. Let's put it on the market.
- Okay, but I'm a socialist.
- It's a pretty nice day out.
- Come on!
- Oh. Okay.
- The resident frequencies of these rocks are wholly different than those found on Earth.
- What are you doing here?
- I saw aliens.
- Okay, he's hallucinating. Get back to the rocket. Get some rest. You've done an excellent job, Expendable Clone.
- I saw...
- Quiet Clone will just have to find the right tune to match the frequencies.
- You will come with us.
- Who are you?
- I gotta tell the others.
On the Meteor on YouTube