On the Go

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"On the Go"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 280
Original Upload date March 29, 2010
Running time 0:02:52
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by theonceaday
Episode chronology
← Previous
"A Coffee Story"
Next →
"Cats vs Dogs"



[slides in/singing rug] Hey, I'm a cat. [makes meowing sound and clawing gesture]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
It's that time again. Time for... [Many Craig voices say the name of this segment as Craig points to the words that appear one by one on screen as a title:] Wheezy Waiter is Stoopid! [audience laughter and applause] [Craig claps]
So in my last video, I referred to this picture [picture of skyline from previous day's video] as Chicago. Hmm. Some of you in the comments pointed out that that's New York? I guess I'll take your word for it since it was more than one of you and any time more than one person says something, I automatically think it's fact. Which is why I both believe and disbelieve... everything.
But come on, don't you think I know my city? It's Chicago. The city so nice they named it once. Tinsel city. Entertainment capital of... Oprah. The city by the bay. If by bay, you mean ... uh... you know, great lake. The Big Intermediate. The city that never sleeps... with the light on. Frisco. If you can make it there, then you could perhaps move on to something bigger or remain comfortable with a steady paycheck. Perhaps start a family. You may not be ready to move out just yet. The world's pretty crazy out there. Take it from me. But probably don't, because [Many Craig voices say the name of this segment as Craig points to the words that appear one by one on screen as a title:] Wheezy Waiter is Stoopid! [audience laughter and applause] [Craig claps]
[sits up in his chair, looking at his shirt] Look at this. This is a mess. I'm gonna button up this one here. [does another button] Better? [poses for camera] [poses again and does a kissy face to camera] [poses again and does another kissy face] Hair flip! [flips hair and smiles at camera]
But how do I look on the go? [gets up and poses, midstep, in the middle of his room.] Oh, I should have a bag. I should have a bag. [Now holding a bag, he poses midstep. The image freezes.] [looking at it in viewfinder] Eh, that's pretty good. Should probably wear shoes, though. [An arrow points to his socked foot in the freeze frame] Fashion tip. Always test yourself on the go. Because of that, I remember to wear shoes outside 70 percent of the time. On the weekdays. Don't expect me to wear shoes on the weekend.
[turns to alternate camera angle] Why's the camera over there? [turns back to main camera angle] Oh. Cause we're doing that thing. Okay, here we go. [clears throat] I think the coffee's done. [turns to alternate camera angle] I [turns to another camera angle behind him] love [to another camera angle in kitchen doorway] Line? [voice offscreen:] It! [Craig, to person offscreen:] Okay. Gary, I think you need a vacation. [to camera:] it [to camera angle facing coffee maker, as he pours his coffee:] when [to another camera angle in his room:] the [to another camera angle near his chair:] coffee's [to main camera angle:] done. [Sits and sips] I love traveling by camera angle. It's so convenient. And scary. Like all things that are convenient. Don't even get me started on toasters. Or valet parking. Has anyone seen Gone in Sixty Seconds? Hello! People steal cars! And sometimes they have sex in them. And it's gross. And it's hot. And it's gross. Hot because of Angelina Jolie. Gross because of Nicolas Cage. And general hygiene issues.
[Winker starts to wink as a clone sits up in bed and winks (ding). Winker shoots clone, turns back to camera, smiles, and winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[outtakes:] [turns to camera] Oh, cause we're doing the thing. [turns to camera] [turns to camera] Oh, cause we're doing that thing. [turns to camera] Oh cause we're doing that thing. Okay. Here we go.
[Puts bag on his shoulder and across his body. Holds it and then poses for camera midstep. Steps back where he started. Takes a big step again, attempting a pose.]

Recurring elements

singing rug, Wheezy Waiter is Stupid, alternate camera angle, "I love it when the coffee's done!", wink, outtakes

Related videos

The previous day's video in which Craig refers to a picture of the New York skyline as Chicago is A Coffee Story.


In this video, the segment Wheezy Waiter is Stupid changes the spelling of "Stupid" to "Stoopid."

External links

On the Go on YouTube