Ode to Whale - Invade London

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"Ode to Whale - Invade London"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 677
Original Upload date August 15, 2012
Running time 0:04:18
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by
Episode chronology
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"How to Join Team USA - Invade London"
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Transcript (in progress)

Hey beardlovers. I have some great news. I found my whale. Hooray! Hooray!
And it's dead.
So today's Wednesday and I was thinking about trying out this thing called Explosion Wednesday but in explosion of recent events I can't. It's just not the time.
So here's what happened. Remember when pole vaulting gold medalist Jenn Suhr told me that she thought she saw my whale when she was at the apex of her pole vault?
Polvaux or as the French would say Polvuh honh honh honh.
I asked her what direction and she said...
- Like, south-southwest.
- Okay, I gotta go.
Well, what happened next is I ran and ran. There were even times when I wasn't running past known English landmarks. I decided to keep running until I saw my whale.
And, as some of you may know, if it were even possible for me to run the entire width of England, which it is now because of my Olympic training, I would end up... wait, let me get my approximation of England.
There we go. If I kept running, I'd end up right here in Cornwall. And that is where I ended up. And I saw what the media saw. A whale died on the beach.
I'm not gonna show you a picture of the whale. It's too sad.
But it was my whale. Poor girl.
Here's some onlookers. That's me. Right over there. And over here was what I thought was a long-haired Chevy Chase. It wasn't, but i got his autograph anyway. And just like the rowing photo I saw the other day, this one was taken by Mr. Getty Images. How is he always there for all the important events? Hmm. That's something that's very concerning that I'm going to forget about now and talk about something else.
So when I discovered that the whale was no longer with us, I fashioned a raft out of twigs and beard hair and sailed straight home to Chicago. Thank goodness for the Saint Lawrence Seaway.
And here I am. It's very sad. I made a song to help us all grieve.
Whale, whale, I can almost hear your wail.
I wish you were in jail or at a plankton sale.
Instead, whale, you're in the Daily Mail,
Onlookers hoping you'd prevail,
And / or checking their e-mail.
You're underneath the sonar.
Echolocate my heart.
Oh, whale, you're forever in my heart,
Yes, I mean every part,
No matter how pokey your fins are.
Bacon bits were what you always chewed,
So I'll put it on my food,
And eat it in the nude. Like you!
Oh whale,
You're underneath the sonar.
Echolocate my heart.
Wait, did you guys hear that? Are those whale sounds in my head or in reality? I'm gonna check the footage.
- And eat it in the nude.
Oh god! No man should ever have to see himself nude. Ugh.
But the whale sound is real. I guess the whale's back.
The whale IS back! I probably should have checked the tank first.
Whale, I thought you were dead. What happened?
Oh, that was your twin sister? I'm so sorry to hear that, whale.
Oh. You hated her. You just went overseas or underseas because you heard she was sick and dying and you wanted to collect the inheritance. Well, that's great. I guess. What was her name?
Susan? Come to think of it, I don't even know your name. What's your name?
Yes, I know you're a big whale. You always say that.
Oh, Abigwail. That's your name. I guess that makes sense.
Ah, Abigwail. I'm glad she's back. Everything worked out. Happy ending. Nothing's amiss here. Everything's back to normal. Absolutely. Nothing wrong. Nope. No way. Uh uh.
- Craig? We're all packed up. Ready to go... home. Craig? Craig?
So if you'd like to download that whale song or some of my other songs, click here. If the whale song's not available, it will be eventually. It just takes iTunes a while. Okay? Okay?
And another reminder that my band is playing a show tomorrow night in Chicago and a few more shows coming up. Click here for more info for that.
And that is all for now. Please be sure to check out all the other members of Team Super Jackal Hawk Tiger Explosion, all linked after this.
All done with the video, Chyna. You can come out now. Chyna?
Super Jackal Hawk Tiger Explosion. Team Wheezy Waiter. Super Jackal Hawk Tiger Explosion. Team Wheezy Waiter.

Recurring elements

[Coming soon]

External links

Ode to Whale - Invade London on YouTube