[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers, how's...
[Closeup:] How's it going?
[Medium shot] Okay that was weird. What's...
[Closeup:] going on?
[Medium shot] ...going on? [looks around] Okay, what is hap...
[Medium shot] Stop it!
[Closeup:] Stop it!
[Medium shot:] Hey!
[Craig in the medium shot sticks out his tongue. Craig in the closeup sticks out his tongue. Craig in the medium shot grabs his tongue. Holds on to it for a few seconds and talks while holding it.] This isn't gonna work.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Craig is still holding onto his tongue. He lets go.] Hey. [waits a couple of seconds, looks around] Whew. I've been making too many videos.
So I wanted to share something with you today that is both super cool and awesome cool. [looks down at his hand on which he counted the super cool and awesome cool qualities of the thing he's going to share.] I almost hit myself in the face. And that is my love for the element cadmium.
[plays guitar and sings]
With atomic number 48 [turns to alternate camera angle]
It's a chemical element you can't hate [turns to main camera angle]
[A clone leans into frame and sings:] Cadmium. [Then leans out.]
I like to put in my coffee, [sips coffee]
You don't like it, you *ding* offee,
Oh I loves me some cadmium
[shows Wikipedia page]
If Fredrich Stromeyer saw me now, [sentence about Stromeyer discovering cadmium is highlighted]
He'd be glad-me-um.
[stops singing] Let's check the news in the middle of this song for no reason.
[shows article] McDonald's recalls 12 million Shrek glasses? Huh. Because the paint used contains cadmium, which can pose health risks? Hmm. Long-term exposure to the metal can cause adverse health effects? Kidney and bone damage?
Agh, my kidneys! Agh, my bones! Well, guess I'm gonna die quicker.
Now it's time to do my thing. My thing, which is breathing. Breathing is my thing. [Takes deep breaths, in and out, in medium shot, closeup, and extreme closeup.] That's two times in a row I breathed in a video. Now breathing's my thing. Any time you breathe in a video, you have to credit me.
Oh *shirt* it's Free Bagel Friday. I'm gonna put on my flash shirt and get there quick before my boss gets the bagel. [Puts on another shirt] Alright, ready to go. [Gets up. Sped-up footage of him leaving.]
[Craig walks up to the bagel area, singing to himself. His boss walks up.]
[Craig's boss:] Gimme that bagel.
[Craig:] Psh. No!
[Craig's boss pulls his arm back to punch Craig.]
[Craig is now in a different position, and it's him punching his boss, who's holding the bagel. His boss flies backwards. Craig grabs the bagel and walks away.]
[Craig's boss, lying on the floor:] What the *ding* is a switchdodge?
[A little girls winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
What? I just punched my boss for a bagel and now I'm back in my apartment? Magic of video editing. [points to a clickable annotation] Click here to watch Part 4 of Episode 3 of Platoon of Power Squadron. It's a web show that I'm in. I shoot lightning out of my hands. It's really awesome. We worked really hard on it. You should watch it. It's pretty good. Watch iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii... Did you click on it yet? ... iiiiiiiiit.
singing rug, beardlovers, song, alternate camera angle, clone, *ding*, Wikipedia, headlines, breathing being his thing, *shirt*, Free Bagel Friday, wink, Platoon of Power Squadron
Ode to Cadmium on YouTube