|Original Upload date||March 24, 2012|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||TheWadertater|
audiences in Cincinnati, Nashville, Marietta
[Craig's in the tour van]
Hey beardlovers. On tour again with Driftless Pony Club. I know I said I'd be standing up in my videos, but I can't really stand up in the van. I did try to stand up on the roof earlier. [A graphic shows Craig standing on the roof of the van.] It's like I'm flying! [He flies off the back off the van.] I am flying. Whoaaaaa. [As he lands on the ground, his body breaks in half at the waist.]
Yep. Then I broke in half. See? [Tilts camera down to show the empty seat he's sitting on (because he has no lower body.)] Don't worry. I'll get it fixed. [Tilts camera back to his head] It's actually kinda nice. I had a foot cramp earlier. Now I have a foot gone.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Gosh, I'm so lucky to have happy-go-lucky [Jeff sleeping in front passenger seat, twitches while he sleeps], exuberant, fragrant friends like you to go on tour with [Sam weeps, sitting next to Craig. Sniffles.] All across the country. [Matt murmurs, mimicking Craig. Blows a raspberry.]
Like the show we played in Cincinnati a few nights ago, for example. [Cincinnati audience waves and cheers.]
And then in Nashville. [Nashville audience waves and cheers. Footage of DPC playing.]
And then in Marietta, Georgia. [Audience waves and cheers.]
And I'm certainly glad I don't live in a parallel universe where our drummer Jeff moved backwards in time. That would be terrible. And confusing. Nope. It's good to be back in good ol' our universe. Or have never been out of our universe.
[Jeff:] Well, I guess that clears that up.
[Craig:] Clears what up?
[Jeff:] Nothing. What are you talking about?
[Craig:] What are YOU talking about?
[Music plays. Jeff turns to look at Craig, who arches an eyebrow as he looks at Jeff. Jeff's eyes narrow as he looks at Craig.] [Jeff:] Runs away.
[Jeff:] I'm not here anymore.
We're currently headed to Playlist Live in Orlando. And then our next show is on Tuesday in Durham, North Carolina.
And down there in the doobly-doo is the info for all the rest of the dates on our tour. Tar. Towr. I still don't know how to say that. How do you guys say that word?
[Jeff:] [backwards talk]
[Matt opens his mouth widely. After a few moments, we hear his voice:] Tour. [He closes his mouth.]
[Sam sobs:] Tour. Tour.
[Craig:] What's the matter this time, Sam?
[Sam, crying:] I ran into an old flame in Nashville.
[Ripple effect to Sam standing on the sidewalk near the tour van.] I know you're always crazy happy all the time. I just... I have something serious to ask you right now. We've had some good times together, and I was just wondering, [kneels and looks up] Will you marry me? [Sam is kneeling next to one of those giant tall floaty things you often see in front of car dealerships. This one's in front of a Subway.]
[Sam's voiceover, crying:] It said no. I hate it. [Sam stands up and punches it. Walks away.]
So you know that OK Go video where they're driving the car with all the mallets and hammers sticking out of it hitting pianos and guitars and other instruments? If you haven't seen it, you should. There's a link in the doobly-doo. It's seriously amazing.
[Matt:] More amazing than me?
[Matt:] That's unpossible.
But then I got thinky and I thought, We could do that. They're a band. We're a band. They're from Chicago. We're from Chicago. They make astounding viral videos that launched them to incredible wealth and fame. And we make videos.
Theirs took, like, four months to plan. I bet we could do it in ten minutes. That's more efficient.
And efficiency leads to getting stuff done sooner so you don't have to do anything anymore. [As he says this, the words appear onscreen beside him: Efficiency leads to getting stuff done sooner so you don't have to do anything anymore. -Craig Benzine]
And who wants to do stuff?
[Matt:] I did stuff once. In college. Technical college.
So the following is us playing our song He Plans Houses Like Trees with the van. No trick editing here. What you hear is the actual sounds we made while shooting. Enjoy.
[The guys "play" various parts of the van while the song plays -- the paper blind in the backseat, tapping the steering wheel, punching the roof of the van, Matt opening his mouth real wide, hitting the van's antenna, Jeff banging his head against the seat as he drives. Craig "sings."] He plans houses like trees. He plans houses like trees. They don't make 'em like him. They don't make 'em like him.
[Wheezy Waiter outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
So beardlovers, we got a fundraiser going on for water dot org. Follow the link in the doobly-doo to donate. And come to one of our shows on this tour if we're coming to a city near you. What cities are we going to, Matt?
[Matt turns his head and answers but his mouth is filled with a sock so what he says is unintelligible.]
[Craig laughs and makes rock sign to camera:] Hahaha! Rawk sawk! [The title Rawk Sawk spins onto the screen.]
[Matt:] Not good. Not good at all.
[Craig:] Oh, go on.
[Matt:] Well, we're going to Durham, North Carolina. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Hamden, Connecticut. Boston, Massachusetts. New York, New York. And then Cleveland Heights, Ohio.
[Craig:] And then we're going home?
[Matt answers but the sock in his mouth again.] [Craig laughs and makes a rock sign to camera.] Hahaha! Rawk second sawk! [Title spins onscreen: RAWK 2nd SAWK]
[Matt:] Not good again. Not good at all. Ever again.
Craig's reference to Jeff not traveling back through time is a reference to a recurring theme in the previous set of tour videos, which started with Heat Wave and culminated, with implications for the future of our universe, which is what Craig is referring to, in Drumstick of Destiny.
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