Numbers Numbers Numbers

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"Numbers Numbers Numbers"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 652
Original Upload date June 6, 2012
Running time 0:03:24
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by
Episode chronology
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Transcript (in progress)

Hey beardlovers. When I wheeled in I realized I didn't know what to say for the intro so I decided to just move my mouth and overdub it later. So this is me from the future talking to you right now because I....
Oh that's right, it's Wednesday. Oh. I from the future also forgot that. I can't believe I forgot that again.
I trimmed my beard and I'm wearing a suit coat so you know I mean business.
So let's get down to business. Today's Explosion Wednesday, which I'm not sure is a thing but I'm testing it out to see if I want to make it a thing or not.
Why do I mean business? Because that gets me the cha-ching.
See? Like that one there. And that one. Not that one! That one too.
'Cause you know I'm all about the Benjamins.
I'd even accept five Jacksons.
Actually, I prefer four Jacksons, three Lincolns and five Washingtons. I have to fill my bus card.
From the bottom of the drawer, please. No crinkles.
No crinkles!
And no Kringles either. That's not legal tender. He may have sleigh bells but they don't go cha-ching.
So I know what you're thinking, Why is Corporate Clone doing today's video? Well, I'm not Corporate Clone.
- Hey Corporate Clone, when you're finished with today's video, I've got some paperwork for you.
Well, I am Corporate Clone.
But it doesn't matter. For all intensive porpoises, I am Wheezy Waiter today.
So why am I talking to you? Well, a week ago, Wheezy Waiter made a video saying numbers don't matter. Well, numbers do matter! If I hit you once, that's bad. If I hit you twice, that's worse.
And the microphone gets into the shot.
See? Numbers do matter. The more you hit someone, the more the microphone gets into the shot.
Right now I'm using two lights. Now I'm using one. Ooh, that's dark and scary.
Now I'm using none. Double scary!
Now I'm using the other one. Kinda scary? Maybe?
Or just jazzy apparently.
Now I'm using both. Perfection!
Numbers are important. Without them, I'd never know how many retweets this quote will get.
To further my point...
- You said you were gonna do an Explosion Wednesday video. Numbers aren't important.
- Numbers are important.
- No they're not.
- Yes they are.
- No they're not.
- Yes they are.
- No they're not.
- Yes they are.
- No they're not.
- Yes they are. Yes they are times 20.
- No they're not times 40.
- See?
- What do I even believe anymore? I am but a shell of my former self.
I think what Wheezy Waiter was trying to say in the last video is that numbers are important to measure your progress if you're trying to do something great, but don't let that be all you think about because it will ruin your life. Unless you're me, Corporate Clone. I have to think about the bottom line all the time. Plus I'm really good-looking. That last part's irrelevant, but it's also relevant at the same time in that it's super true. I suppose you gotta care about numbers if you're building address numbers to put on houses.
Or if you're the count. Bla.
Or if you're a phone book. But phone books aren't sentient. Yet.
Actually, what's a phone book?
So anyway, the lesson here is numbers are important, but don't pay attention to them too much. Focus on what you're creating. Unless you're a corporate stooge like me. How many explosions did this video have? It only had one, didn't it? Ah, numbers don't matter.
So how's my impression of Wheezy Waiter been? I'm trying to talk with a slight lisp. Overenunciate my words a little bit. Slight b.o.
Just kidding. Massive b.o.
So asking Twitter this morning, I've discovered a couple YouTube channels that deserve a lot more numbers that don't matter.
For no reason other than I think they're good channels, check out williamhaynestv and check out frigginboom. There's another explosion.
Also please donate to the Indiegogo campaign Wheezy Waiter has going on for Habitat for Humanity. It's linked in the doobly-doo.
- Did you say I have b.o.?
- Yeah. As in... bodacious... orbs. Your eyes. They're really bodacious.
- Are you coming on to me?
- No.
Numbers are important. Without them, I'd never know how many quotes this retweet will get. I said that backwards. That'll probably also get retweets.

Recurring elements

[Coming soon]

External links

Numbers Numbers Numbers on YouTube