Nothing You Ever Wanted to Know About Wheezy Waiter

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"Nothing You Ever Wanted to Know About Wheezy Waiter"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 53
2008
Original Upload date May 28, 2008
Running time 0:04:16
Intro chips and salsa intro
Outro wheezywaiter.com outro
Wink submitted by WheezyWaiter
Episode chronology
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"I'm Swayze for You"
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"Shaving Face"


Video

Transcript

Hey wheezies, it's May 28th, the day after the day after Memorial Day.
Despite the Amish beard, I don't feel silly today.
[wheezywaiter dot com chips and salsa intro]
In the first two and half years or so that I worked at my restaurant job, I always wondered what it would be like to come into work and have absolutely no tables the entire shift. Well, last year, on Memorial Day, I had absolutely no tables, and I was borderline broke and very pissed off. And earlier that morning, I was debating calling in sick because I was really hungover. It was Memorial Day. None of my friends had to work, so we all stayed up late the night before. Now before you cast judgment, yes, I do have friends.
So here I was broke, not knowing how I was going to pay rent, and the end of the month was coming up, and then the manager says to me [speaking in an accent:] 'Craig, don't bother coming in tomorrow. It's not going to be busy.'
Don't come in tomorrow?
[speaking in an accent:] No sir. We don't need you.
Are you kidding me?
[speaking in an accent:] Nope. [shakes head]
Uhhhhh...
[speaking in an accent:] shoo ... Get out.
I never had a manager that talked like that. I have no idea where that came from.
So I got my things, and I walked to the bus stop. On the way, my facial expression was probably something like this: [panicked facial expression].
I was broke, and I didn't really see a way I was going to get money anytime soon. But then I started thinking about it some more, and I was thinking, I don't have to work tomorrow. And my shift today was really short. So half my brain was really worried and really pissed off about my life, and the other half was like, Awesome! I got nothing to do.
I started thinking about something that was in the back of my mind for a while, which was I wanted to make a movie every day.
So I spent the rest of the day watching Ze Frank. And pretty much all of the next day watching Ze Frank.
For those of you who don't know, Ze Frank does a show called 'the show with ze frank,' which is three to five minute movies similar to what I do. I owe quite a bit of my style to Ze Frank. But I also graduated with a Communication Arts Radio Television Film degree so let's give a small tap on the ass to education as well.
Oh yeah, education! Gimme some.
Anyway, by the end of the next day, I was pretty much convinced I was gonna do this. I knew that meant it was going to take a lot of time and work, and I would probably have to not work at my job as often. But the fact that I was completely broke, yet still happy that I wasn't at my job, is ultimately what convinced me.
So a few weeks later I began Wheezy Waiter. I didn't mean for that to rhyme.
And then I made a movie every weekday for five weeks. It pretty much took over my life but I was happier than I'd been in a long time. And then with some help from some friends of mine, I began some freelance work. Thank you most of all to Ryan Wolff. And I started to get paid to do what I love, and I started working less at the restaurant. Unfortunately, I also started doing less Wheezy Waiter movies.
And then ... holy crap! My beer just turned into a screwdriver.
And then I got a full-time job doing what I love. So why am I boring you with all of this? I don't know. Maybe I'm just feeling a little sentimental because it's been a year since that glimmer of inspiration hit me.
Umm... I guess the lesson is if you're ... [title on the screen: longest uncut shot in Wheezy Waiter history!!!!] if you find yourself in a place where you'd rather be [title on the screen: Eat your heart out, asshole who directed Atonement] completely broke than doing what you're doing, if you find that you'd be happier [title on the screen: Yikes, this is why I heavily edit my movies] broke and not at work, then I suggest [title on the screen: And don't drink girly fruit drinks] going with it and maybe starting up a new project. There it is for what it's worth.
One last thing. This is really long. I know. I'm sorry.
[wink (ding)]
[wheezywaiter dot com outro]
[outtakes:]
Oh yeah, education! Gimme some!
[speaking in an accent:] No! Shoo! Get out!

Recurring elements

wheezies, wink, outtakes

External links

Nothing You Ever Wanted to Know About Wheezy Waiter on YouTube