Northern/Southern

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"Northern/Southern"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 228
2010
Original Upload date January 8, 2010
Running time 0:03:17
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro Sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by ClarkeSurrey
Great People
Guests: Mike Benedetto
Episode chronology
← Previous
"My TV is Thick"
Next →
"Decaf"

Video

Transcript

[Video begins with the screen filled with plaid. After seven seconds, Craig (in a plaid shirt) backs up from camera and sits down.]
I just made you look at a bunch of plaid. Ha ha ha! You're like, Oh my god! Look at all those perpendicular lines and overlapping colors. What do I do?! What do I do?! There's nothing. There's nothing you could do because I control what you see and hear. [sees something hanging on chair behind him] Is that... is that my underwear on that chair over there? That's embarrassing. [Craig's face turns red. Really really red.] I'm embarrassed.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
In the comments for yesterday's video, a bunch of you in the Southern Hemisphere said how it's summer and it's not cold there at all.
You shut up! You shut UP!
That's right. I just told an entire hemisphere to shut up. That's probably the most people I've told to shut up in my life. Well, there was that one time in gym class. How many people are in the Southern Hemisphere? 15? 20?
Oh, that underwear's still there. I was gonna put that away. [reaches over] [The underwear's now gone]
Why do you do everything opposite, Southies? When it's cold up here, it's warm down there. When it's warm down there, it's cold up here. That's... that's the same thing. I said the same thing twice. Down there it's probably opposite.
When I take a nap, you go for a jog. When I watch a movie, a movie watches you. Creepy.
When I jump up [jumps up], you probably dig down in. [mimes digging] Dig on in [still digging], dig on in [digs again], dig down, dig down, and get up!
Yeah, we have a stupid song called "Jump Around," but your digging song is probably really smart.
You're not even listening to me right now. You think I'm listening to you because down there when voices go out of mouths, that means that someone is listening.
Yeah, I'm really wise when it comes to assumptions about places I've never been. Well, to you I probably have been there. And if I actually did go visit, then that would mean I had never been there. This is getting weird.
Alright, the point is it's cold here and it's warm there and I'm really angry.
[turns to alternate camera angle:] I'M REALLY ANGRY! [makes angry faces]
[turns back] So... in the comments, could you please tell me something that's the opposite between the Northern and Southern Hemispheres? Or if you have some sort of problem with dividing the entire world in half, could you tell me something that's the same?
Now this is all for good silly fun. Not for bad serious racism.
Now let's have a wink and I'll see you Monday.
[Juggler juggles five balls]
[Craig:] Hmm? Psh, I can juggle too. [Craig juggles three balls]
[Juggler spins in a circle while juggling]
[Craig:] Uhhhh.... [Craig, juggling, spins in a circle, stumbles and nearly falls over.]
[Juggler juggles some more]
[Craig:] Oh. And you're juggling five.
[As he stops juggling, the juggler catches all the balls.]
[Craig:] You win.
[Juggler walks to camera and winks (ding)]
[Craig:] Ow, I think I hurt my foot. Ahh. [replays footage of spinning, stumbling, and nearly falling over]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
Oh *shirt*, guess what? It's Free Bagel Friday at work today.
[Craig's boss reaches in bag, takes out bagel, and prepares to cut it. Craig walks up.]
[Craig:] Is that a sesame bagel? Gimme it.
[Craig's boss:] Oh. Absolutely!
[Craig:] Oh! [smiles]
[Craig's boss goes back to cutting the bagel.]
[Craig:] Are you gonna give me the bagel?
[Craig's boss:] Oh, I thought I was in the Southern hemisphere. Nope.
[Craig punches his boss who flies backwards, knocking stuff over. Craig grabs bagel and turns and leaves.]
[Craig's boss, lying on floor amidst stuff he knocked over:] That felt great. Oops. I mean terrible.
[Over slow-motion footage of Craig juggling, spinning, stumbling, and nearly falling, an annotation title appears on screen: Click here to see a video about what happened to my foot on my alternate channel.]

Recurring elements

turning red from embarrassment, comments, alternate camera angle, wink, *shirt*, Free Bagel Friday

Related videos

The video about what happened to Craig's foot that is annotated at the end of the video is called Foot Lose.

External links

Northern/Southern on YouTube