Noise Pollution

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"Noise Pollution"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 406
Original Upload date October 12, 2010
Running time 0:03:34
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by generictechguy
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
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"Wheezy Eagle"
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[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. We live in an exciting modern time with so many different sources of information that we can custom-tailor to each individual. Sometimes I think, uh, you might as well start this article with Dear Craig because it goes directly here [points to his forehead] and makes my brain tingle with knowledge that I need. Like this article I found today. [shows headline] Urinary incontinence in women - what happens.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
That's what happens. [takes notes on notebook] Good to know. [notices camera] Oh hey! In other news, [shows article] Michael J. Fox wasn't the original Marty McFly.
That article featured never-before-seen footage of the first five weeks of production of Back to the Future. Originally Marty McFly was played by Eric Stoltz but they eventually decided he wasn't funny enough.
I had a very similar problem. When was that? Oh yeah, today when I started filming today's video.
Here's some never-before-seen footage of my first choice to play Wheezy Waiter today. Mel Gibson.
[Mel Gibson slides in/singing rug. Mel Gibson's face is superimposed over Craig's head but it's his voice from those calls to his girlfriend:] I don't believe you anymore!! I don't trust you! I don't LOVE you! I don't want you!
[Craig again] You should never pander too much to your audience but I found him a little bit abrasive. And he kept saying the same thing over and over again as if it were prerecorded. And he didn't move his lips when he talked. [Craig doesn't move his lips.] Which is really creepy.
You'll never work in this tow... apartment again, Mel!
In other news, [shows article] Frito-Lay silences noisy SunChips bags.
They're going back to their old non-biodegradable bags because those bags were too noisy for people.
YAY! [claps] Hurt the earth more so I'm not annoyed! Way to go, human nature!
I stopped recycling altogether because the whole process was too exhausting. And loud.
[Text on screen: reenactment] [Craig runs and jumps in air as he throws trash in a bin:] HEY-O! I'm better than you. Better than you. Save the environment.
I may jump back on board if they can figure out a way to reduce my pride.
Craig with a Wig has figured out an effective way to reduce what goes in the trash bin.
[Craig with a Wig sits at the table, trying to spoon out any remnants from soup can. He licks the spoon and drops it on table and throws the empty can over his shoulder onto the floor. He wipes his face with a couple of napkins, tossing them on the floor afterwards.]
[theme song:] He's Craigity Craig, Craig with a Wig. [Craig with a Wig turns and smiles] [toy piano key] [Craig with a Wig wipes his mouth with another napkin and tosses it on floor. Wipes his face with a handful more and throws them down.]
Now it's time for an update on the Wheezy shoe! [holds up his bare foot.] It's not made yet.
Emily Utzler writes [shows comment] I think the shoe should have options for the color.
[Closeup of her icon, which is a photo of two people.] It looks like you have options for who you are as well.
You're right, Emily. Options are good. Keeps people choosing. You can quote me on that. [Text appears on screen beside him: "Options are good. Keeps people choosing." -Craig Benzine 2010] I'm profound.
So there'll be three options. Right shoe, left shoe, or both. Just kidding. They'll all come in pairs, and there'll likely be a couple different options for color. I'm thinking pea green or yellow. But I might change my mind on that. In fact, I just did. Neither one of those.
Grace Eckles writes, [shows comment] There should be no eagle. I hate that eagle.
[Closeup of her icon, in which she's looking up at camera.] But Grace, it looks like the eagle took your picture.
I agree. I hate that eagle too! [Eagle squawks. Craig looks up.] But I told him we would include eagle [leans to camera and whispers] hating.
Oh that reminds me. I gotta get the eagle's signature for a release form. [Grabs a piece of paper. Throws piece of paper into air. Eagle, with a pen in its beak, squawks and writes something. The paper falls back into the apartment. Craig picks it up and looks at it.] Psh. Wingdings? [shows piece of paper to camera] Figures.
Gabe Lam wrote, [shows comment] One shoe should be a clone of the other.
I like your thinking, Gabe. You got smarts. Moxie. Je ne sais quois. Chutzpah. The problem is that would leave us with two right shoes or two left shoes and we'd all be walking in circles. But I think we're on the right track here with the clones.
[A clone leans into frame:] Yaaay!
Alligator pit now, please.
Also many of you suggested we use the alligator pit or the whale tank, and I think we might. If you'd like to leave more suggestions, go to facebook dot com slash wheezywaiter or facebook dot com slash tweakshoes. Next time I do a video about the shoe, the final design will be revealed. [Manual zoom/dun dun dun music/Intense face]
Now here's another Supernote wink.
[Viewer:] Aaaaaaaa... [Text on screen pointing to clock counting to 2:03: Holy crap!!] [Text on screen: Current Supernote Leader] [Winks (ding)] There's a wink for Team Beard.
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Craig runs into his kitchen, jumps in air, and throws trash into bin.] HEY-O!!! [It bounces off rim and onto the floor.] I'm better than you. Better than you. Save the environment.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, headlines, Back to the Future, Craig with a Wig, Wheezy shoe, Craig quotes, eagle, clone, alligator pit, whale tank, Supernote, wink, outtakes


This is the first appearance of Craig quotes.

Related videos

Handstand 34

External links

Noise Pollution on YouTube