No Pants

From Wheezy Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search
"No Pants"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 497
Original Upload date April 22, 2011
Running time 0:02:25
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by F4rl30d
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Clone Kitchen (Alternate POV of Kitchen Conspiracy)"
Next →
"Moving Out"



[Camera is facing the window. Craig leans down to look into camera.]
Hey beardlovers. It's Earth Day. Let's take in some earth. And some day. [opens window and looks out, sighs happily] Ahhh. Mm, pretty flowers. [shot of flowers] Gross exhaust! [camera pans quickly to passing car] Hey, fresh clean air. Oh! Stinky sewer! Ooh, fun puddles. Dirty puddles! But what a gorgeous tree. Lack of leaves!! Cigarette! Cell phone! Half a tumbler! Tow zones! More exhaust! Still no leaves! Ahh, pretty flowers. Hmm. I love the outside. [gets up to walk away from window]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. So today is Earth Day. And Earth Day's all about... [A clone enters, wearing boxers and no pants.]
[Clone:] I'm not wearing pants.
[Craig:] I understand Earth Day's about celebrating the natural environment, but you've gone too far.
[Clone:] What's Earth Day?
[Craig:] Put your pants back on.
[Clone:] No!
[Craig:] Yes. Put 'em on. Put 'em on.
[Craig and the clone talk at the same time.]
[Clone:] But I like the feeling.
[Craig:] Nobody wants to see that.
[Clone:] I like being in the wind...
[Craig:] That's... ugh... I don't want to see that. No! Gross.
[Clone:] Yeah!
[Craig:] You look like... you're a badly-shaped rhesus monkey.
[Clone:] I'm out there, man.
[Craig:] Ugh!
[Clone:] I'm keeping 'em.
[Craig:] God doesn't even want to see that, and he's supposed to be forgiving. Ugh. No.
[Clone:] No! I'm keeping 'em on.
[Craig:] Gross. Just put 'em on.
[Clone:] No!
[Craig:] Just do it!
[Clone:] No.
[Craig:] Yes! Yes!
[Clone:] No.
[Craig:] Yes!
[Clone:] No.
[As Craig and the clone go back and forth, a beat starts building, like for a song and a voice can be heard throughout chanting:] No pants
[Craig:] Yes.
[Clone:] No.
[Song:] No pants.
[Craig:] Yes.
[Clone:] No.
[Song:] No pants.
[Craig:] Yes.
[Clone:] No.
[Song:] No pants.
[Craig:] Yes.
[Clone:] No.
[Song:] No pants.
Craig:] Yes.
[Clone:] No.
[Clone turns to camera and starts singing:]
No I don't wear pants. [slaps thighs]
Slap those thighs. [Craig looks confused.]
No I don't wear pants.
Don't apologize.
Just take a look at Lance [picture of Lance Armstrong]
And how he won the Tour de France,
No pants.
More like pantanoways.
On the beach with Obama [picture of Obama on the beach]
No pants!
[picture of George W. Bush, talking like him:] Have some pants Dalai Lama,
[pans to the Dalai Lama in the Bush picture, talks like the Dalai Lama:] No chance.
No I don't wear pants.
That pattern looks nice.
No I don't wear pants.
Now I'm looking at it twice.
[Craig starts singing:]
Once I had a brother who left without his pants,
He laid in the grass and got ate by fire ants.
Then he died.
[The clone sings, pointing to a Wikipedia page on the fire ant]
Despite 280 species of fire ants worldwide,
You never had a brother. You lied.
More like pantamoons. [turns so his butt is towards camera. Two moons are superimposed over his butt.]
No I don't wear pants,
Slap those thighs.
No I don't wear pants. [The clone dances]
[song over]
[Craig stands up:] Okay, okay, you convinced me. I'll take off my pants. [Craig drops his pants.]
[Clone, horrified:] Oh god! Ugh! [covers his eyes and runs, hands over eyes, towards the alligator pit, into which he jumps. Alligator munches.]
[Craig looks down] Ooh. Guess I... uh... took my underwear off too.
[Winker in an elevator sings the outro theme:] Wheezy Waiter [He winks just as the elevator dings.]
[outtakes] [Craig, wearing headphones, clearly recording the song.]
Slap those thighs. Don't apologize. [laughs] What am I doing with my life?
Pantalones? More like pantanoways! [laughs and shakes his head] Oh god.

Recurring elements

beardlovers, singing rug, clone, song, Wikipedia, alligator pit, wink, outtakes

External links

No Pants on YouTube