No Internet Song

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"No Internet Song"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 502
Original Upload date May 4, 2011
Running time 0:03:47
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by Person with cat
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
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[slides in/singing rug, playing guitar]
[singing] Can you feel the sweet emotion? It's Wednesday so let's have an explo... [He explodes]
[Craig (or a clone?) walks out from near the washer/dryer:] Stupid clone! Trying to do a video blog on a Wednesday. Emotion doesn't even rhyme with expl.... [he explodes]
[Craig comes out of a doorway] What's going on out here? Why is that camera recording? Oh geez, I should probably start making a video pretty soon.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So there's this new thing I want to try out now that I'm in my new apartment. New apartment, new things. [can hear sounds from outside] Birds.
So I wanna call this thing... [looks down] The sun is shining on my chest. Hey sun! You can shine on my chest all you want. Boobs are not plants and they won't grow here! [Sun enters the frame] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. [sticks his hands up into his shirt like boobs. The sun retreats.]
Anyway, I wanna call this thing EXPLOSION Wednesday. I'm gonna try it out. See if it becomes a thing or not. I don't care what you... I don't even care what you have to say about it. Nope, not listening. [Leans back, away from camera] How can I possibly hear you? I'm not even in focus. I'm not listening! I can't hear you through all the unfocusness!
Basically, every Wednesday will be an EXPLOSION-oriented video involving EXPLOSIONS in the news and whatnot, but since I don't have the internet, [cuts to him breathes deeply and angrily with wide eyes. Screams at camera:] FUU... [cuts to him talking again] I guess I'll just make a song with my clones. [looks around] Clones? Clones? Did they explode themselves?
Well, if you want something done right, read up on it a lot. Maybe take a class. Surround yourself with a lot of smart people who can help you out. Take lots of naps. [As Craig says this, the words appear on the screen beside him: If you want something done right read up on it a lot. Maybe take a class. Surround yourself with a lot of smart people who can help you out. Take lots of naps. - Craig Benzine]
In this case, though, I better just do it myself.
[Sexy Clone enters in the background:] I can help.
Oh there's Sexy Clone.
[Quiet Clone comes out of the kitchen, mumbling]
What? What? That must be Quiet Clone. [Quiet Clone mumbles some more] Alright. Let's do a song together.
[Craig plays guitar and sings]
If I have to bet what's worse than death
No internet, It's no internet.
I want to see
Pictures of your pet [picture of a cat]
Charlie Sheen [picture of Charlie Sheen]
Obama's cabinet [picture of Obama's cabinet]
Let's not forget hot Scarlett. [picture of Scarlett Johansson]
Oh, how about some more pictures of Scarlett. [another picture of Scarlett Johansson]
I want to read [three more pictures of Scarlett]
What's going on
So I can share it with you
On Wednesday!
Should I decide that it's a thing.
[Quiet Clone, sitting on the futon, sings]
The internet is a very good choice
I can talk with a louder voice,
Twitter and Skype and Google Chat,
In my Facebook picture I wear a funny hat [picture of Quiet Clone with a funny hat]
[Sexy Clone, in the kitchen, sings and dances.]
From Endeavour launch [picture of article about Endeavour launch]
To fires in Texy [picture of article about Texas fires]
Or how we broke into Bin Laden's complexy [picture of Bin Laden complex]
The internet news keeps me in checksy [Sexy Clone sits backwards on a chair]
Does this explosion make me look sexy? [explosion on Sexy Clone's chest]
Course it does. Trick question. I always look sexy.
[Quiet Clone shakes his head]
[They all sing together. Screen is divided into four parts: Craig, Sexy Clone dancing on the kitchen table, Quiet Clone sitting on the futon, and the guitar.]
I want to read what's going on
[Quiet Clone:] In explosion news,
Explosion news
[They all sing together] So I can share it with you
On Wednesday.
[Craig:] Should I decide that it's a thing.
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Woman holding a cat winks (ding)]
Basically, Wednesday videos... [sound of drilling] Someone's drilling. Someone's drilling. Someone's drilling. Someone's drilling behind me. [chant/sings] Somebody's drilling. Now they're not. I don't even know if you could hear that. I might add in a sound of drilling just to make sure you could hear it... what I heard. It's all about realism here at Wheezy Waiter. EXPLOSION.

Recurring elements

singing rug, clone, Explosion Wednesday, angry sun, Craig quotes, Sexy clone, Quiet clone, song, Scarlett Johansson, headlines, wink, outtakes

External links

No Internet Song on YouTube