[Wheezy on the phone]
No! I'm said I'm not *boing*ing interested. Go peddle your tainted sh*gong* someplace else. [hangs up]
Since when can Girl Scouts sell cookies over the phone?
[wheezywaiter dot com chips and salsa intro with a new theme song playing over it]
[Intro song:] It's time for a Wheezy Waiter clip. [Wheezy rolls into frame miming strumming along on his acoustic guitar] It's time for a Wheezy Waiter clip. [Wheezy pulls out a lighter] You don't need your roach clip. [Wheezy nods in understanding, puts lighter away. More guitar miming] It's time for a Wheezy Waiter clip.
Thank you James Ignacio for the theme song.
Welcome to the show.
People are always coming up to me and asking me the same question.
How do you irrigate your nasal cavity?
With a neti pot. [holds up a neti pot]
A neti pot is a nasal irrigation system, in which the nasal cavity is washed by dumping salt water up your nose, thus moistening the mucus membranes of the nose and sinuses. It has been practiced in India for centuries as one of the disciplines of yoga.
[Holding the neti pot to his ear like a telephone.] Hello? I told you I didn't want any *boing*ing cookies.
Clinical testing has shown that this is safe and beneficial with no significant side effects. The benefits of using a neti pot are one-hundred-fold. Here are all of them. 1. Deeper more relaxed breathing. 2. Clearer vision. 3. Decreased use of medication. 4. 97 other benefits.
The neti pot comes in many different shapes and sizes. [shows different pictures of neti pots] Tee hee. That's naughty. [Imposes the word 'censored' on one suggestive picture]
Using a neti pot is simple. You just need the neti pot, some warm water, and some saline powder. Unfortunately we live in a reality where girl scouts sell cookies instead of saline powder. But not to worry, you can find it at most pharmacies. Now simply dump the saline powder in the water and stir. Dealing with fine powder that will go in your nose should be second nature to most cokeheads. Now if you've managed to make it this far without snorting the powder, dump it into the neti pot. [pours water into neti pot] And then dump it in your nose. [uses the neti pot] It should come out the other nostril like this. And then you're done. [blows nose] Oh, it feels good. Though you should do both nostrils. So, does that answer your question?
[Craig in the other angle looks very freaked out.]
Laura, let's close it out with a wink.
[Title on screen: send more winks everybody]
[Outtakes - audio only:] Tee hee. Tee hee. Tee hee. That's naughty.
[Title on screen: Please Subscribe at www.wheezywaiter.com]