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WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 504
Original Upload date May 6, 2011
Running time 0:02:10
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by WheezyWaiter
Episode chronology
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"Bringing Internet Back"



[slides in/singing rug]
[Sighs in disgust. Shakes his head.] [Text appears on screen beside him: *shakes head* - Craig Benzine]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Guess what? You suck! Oh god! Ugh! It's hard to even look at you. Ugh! Ugh! [makes gagging sound] You never cease to amaze me. Because you never began to. You suck!
You're dirty too. Filthy filthy man. Woman. And not in the cool hipster way either. At least then a group of people would like you. They don't. Stinky gross dirty!
Knock knock. [covers mouth] Who's there? [uncovers mouth] No one. They ran away. Wrong house. They don't like you.
I don't like you either. I'll be careful. You'll be dead! That was a Star Wars quote. I'm not actually gonna kill you. I wouldn't waste my time.
When you think about it, you're probably the worst person I've ever talked to. Nah, I take that back. You don't even have to think about it.
[out of focus] Kinda just want to sit here out of focus for a while. Hopefully you can think up ways to be better. [leans in towards camera so he's in focus] Nope, still suck. [leans back]
If there was a Venn diagram measuring the overlap of all bad things in humanity, it'd look like this. [holds up Venn diagram] You're even worse than Aunt Judy. Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! You probably thought that quote was funny. It was funny when Joey Lawrence said it on Blossom in the 90s, out of date person who sucks.
[turns to camera angle labeled "untruth cam"] Oh wow. I really like you. Like a lot. Like I might like you like you but I'm not sure. But I really do like you a lot. Wow! [turns back to main camera angle]
This isn't the type of video that I'm making with the intention of having people send it around to people that they hate. This is for you. You suck. Let's be serious. You don't have any friends to send this to.
[talking in funny voice] Aww! What's the matter? Can't take all this negativity? Waah waah waah waah!
Tell you what. Since I'm such a great person, here's a video of me lying to you that I really like you. [points to a clickable annotation leading to another video] You can click on it to watch. Yeah. Now I'm just gonna sit here and scoff at you. Ugh. Augh. Disappointment. Ugh. [makes a couple of other untranscribable noises] Ugh. [makes many more noises and blows a couple of raspberries] Dur dur dur dur [makes many more noises and then winks (ding)]. Some of those were scoffs.

Continue here

The video in which Craig says he lies that he really likes you is here: Positive

Recurring elements

singing rug, Craig quotes, Aunt Judy, untruth cam, wink

External links

Negative on YouTube