National Coffee Day?

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"National Coffee Day?"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 399
2010
Original Upload date September 29, 2010
Running time 0:03:45
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by RossTubeDotCom
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"High Tech Lifestyle"
Next →
"400"

Video

Transcript

[Shot of Craig's empty room. Explosion.]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. It's WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAY EXPLOSION Coffee Day!
What?
That's right. It's National Coffee Day. I know this is true because a bunch of people on Twitter said so. And a Google search brought up a bunch of websites I never heard of that were really excited about it without mentioning its origin or reason. [shows Wikipedia page for September 29th.] And it's nowhere to be found on Wikipedia. So National Coffee Day is definitely a thing. Not sure about Explosion Wednesday yet, though.
[sniffs air] How appropriate. I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done so much! So much! Explosion jump to the coffee! [Several explosion jumps to the kitchen. Runs back towards camera sipping coffee.] Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm. Oops. Spilled coffee on my shoe... [looks down] Sock?! Where's my shoe? [Looks around. Sees his other foot is socked as well. Gasps.] Where's my other shoe?
[Slow mo of explosion jump with an arrow pointing to his feet with words "yes shoes" by arrow. Slow mo of next explosion jump with an arrow pointing to his feet with words "no shoes" by arrow.]
Oh yeah, I exploded 'em. Psh. Who needs shoes anyway? Last time I took 'em off, I was fine. Explode to flashback! [Explosion transition to footage of Craig juggling and falling against his bedside table. Closeup of foot injury.] Fun times.
[Back in present] That looks pretty bad, but that lump actually helps me predict the weather. Yes, my lump lingered. I have a condition. I'm a lump lingerer. Sometimes people call us lumperjacks. Don't worry, it's pc. So yeah, it predicts the weather. When it's gonna rain, my lump is bloated and painful. When it's gonna be sunny and nice, my lump is small. And painful. So that's a good thing, right?
Yeah! Who needs shoes?
[Walking down sidewalk in socks] See? Walking outside without shoes and everything's fine. Ah, gum! Gross! Ahhhh, broken glass. Painful.
[Sits back down] I think the gum has flavor crystals in it too.
[Clone enters:] You can wear my shoes. They're just like yours.
Wear a clone's shoes? Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahaha! That's like Penn wearing Teller's shoes. That's like James Bond wearing Moneypenny's shoes. That's like Chuck Norris wearing...
[Clone:] I get it.
... everybody else's shoes. I'll just wear some of my old shoes. [holds up black shoes] These are shoes I used to wear as a waiter. Puts on shoes. [Bends down as he puts shoes on.] Hey clone, come here for a second.
[Clone comes back into frame:] Yes?
[Craig:] How are you doing on drinks? Can I recommend an appetizer? Would you like to hear about our special? [Clone looks around, confused.] Are you interested in dessert? Will this be separate checks? Oh god, this is making me too helpful! Takes off shoe. [Bends down again. Throws shoe behind him. It explodes.]
Here's Rhett and Link's shoe they asked their audience to help them design. [Holds up shoe.] These make me too jealous. [Throws it. It goes up in the air where the eagle is flying and explodes, sending eagle flying backwards.] Not bad eagle deterrents, though.
Wait a second! [gasps] No. [gasps] Maybe if the camera were a little closer. [Camera is closer.] [Gasps] Yeah, I got an idea! [Explosion] Ideas are dangerous on Explosion Wednesday. Possibly if it exists.
You wanna design a shoe for me? [covers his mouth] Yes we do, Wheezy. [uncovers mouth] Okay, let's do it! You know what? You can design the shoe for you too! Let's ask Tweak, a company that can help us. [Puts phone to his ear] Hey Tweak, can you help us? Yes? Okay. [puts phone down] It's on. I shoulda said goodbye first.
Here's what gonna happen. You out there are gonna make ideas. And I'm gonna take those ideas and work with a designer at Tweak to make the best most awesome Wheezy shoe possible. Is it gonna be a high top? Low top? Mid top? Big top? Carrot Top? Golf shoe? Curling shoe? Do they have a specific shoe?
Beardlovers, I tend to think you're awesome. Whether you love beards, coffee, clones, alligators, whales, eagle, hating, male pattern balding weirdos [points to himself], or EXPLOSIONS! How can we make a shoe tell the world that you're awesome?
Go to facebook dot com slash wheezywaiter to answer that question using pictures, video, or those language squigglies. I think they're called text? If you hate the typey and you prefer the clicky, there's a link in the doobly-doo.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get the glass out of my feet. EXPLOSION! Oww! Now I'm going to call the hospital. Explosions don't make very good tweezers. Very sterile, though. Very sterile.
[Viewer tosses pen, which explodes. Winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
I've got an awesome shoe coming but what can I wear in the meantime? Ah, this terabyte hard drive with all of my important files is a nice flat surface. [Leans down] Oh! And so is this iPhone. Okay. [Leans down. Then stands up. Cracking sounds of those things breaking.] Oh! [sits down again] There's always a breaking-in period with new shoes.

Recurring elements

Explosion Wednesday, singing rug, beardlovers, Wikipedia, "I love it when the coffee's done!", clone, eagle, Wheezy shoe, doobly-doo, wink

Firsts

This is the first mention of the Wheezy shoe.

Related videos

The flashback footage of Craig's injury comes from the video Foot Lose on his alternate channel.
Handstand 27 - Dare to be Pointless

External links

National Coffee Day? on YouTube