My 500th Video

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"My 500th Video"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 500
Original Upload date April 27, 2011
Running time 0:03:44
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by WheezyWaiter
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Moving Out (Clone Point of View)"
Next →
"My New Digs"



[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Today is a day to joice again. [text on screen: rejoice?] [banjo face] Some people who shall remain Aunt Judy! ... I mean nameless... say that celebrating silly arbitrary milestones like numbers is a waste of time. Those people are bitter and friendless. I mean, have a point sometimes. Maybe we place too much importance on moments that are just divisible by 5 and 10... I mean, like, especially in the case of being 30 years old. [turns to camera angle labeled math cam] I mean, it's just a number 10 times 3... it's not like it's a benchmark to indicate that your youth has gone away [camera angle now labeled denial cam] and you're getting old and losing your memory and you're only as old as you something something I forget. [turns back to main camera angle]
But in many cases, these moments are important even though they're arbitrary. They give us a reason to reflect and appreciate what we have.
I appreciate my beard. I remember all the fun beard times. Sometimes people forget to do that about their whatevers. It might need a zero or a five at the end to remind them. I don't. I'm always thinking about my beard.
Over the past four years or so, I have made a lot of videos, and I couldn't have done it without you watching. Thank you.
Well, I could have done it but it would have eventually just devolved into different ways that I cry because no one's watching. Such as the drowning mule. [Craig cries in bed, sounding like a drowning mule. Text onscreen: "the drowning mule."] Or the gasping walrus. [Craig cries in bed, sounding like a gasping walrus. Text onscreen: "the gasping walrus."] The wandering dog. [Craig cries in bed, sounding like a dog. Text onscreen: "the wandering dog."] The pathetic human. [Craig cries in bed, sounding like a pathetic human. Text onscreen: "the pathetic human."] The lone moan. [Craig cries in bed, emitting one single crying moan. Text onscreen: "the lone moan."]
But I don't cry anymore these days because you're here. Well, sometimes I still cry when I see the Charlotte's Web movie because while a spider and a pig's friendship is unlikely, sometimes the strongest friendships come from the most unlikely places. And their friendship is love. [fighting back tears] And their love is forever. [crying]
The thing I'm trying to get at is that it's with a lot of beard love and beard pride that I cherish this moment. 500th video. [His voice echoes and the number 500 grows large on the screen. Then it explodes.] It's also Explosion Wednesday.
So you know what? Since it's such a special video, I will hereby [camera zooms in and music plays] officially make Explosion Wednesday a THING. [music stops] Someday. When I feel that it's ready. If ever.
As I've mentioned before, my landlord is remodeling this apartment. You probably have heard some hammering in this video. Well... [sighs] today is the last video in this apartment. [Cries one lone moan as the title "the lone moan" pops up on screen]
I know what you're thinking. Don't worry about my whale and alligator. Ear slap! [ear slap] My advice? When you get worried, get drunk. Not of age? Watch Blues Clues or something. I dunno. Who let you into this party anyway? Ooh, jello shots. Want one? Bop! Bop! Not for you, junior. [As Craig says this, the words appear on screen: When you get worried get drunk. Not of age? Watch Blues Clues or something. I dunno. Who let you into this party anyway? Ooh, jello shots. Want one? Bop. BOP! Not for you, Junior. - Craig Benzine]
The alligator and the whale are outside on the sidewalk ready to go. The whale's in a puddle. It's raining. We're about to head to our new place. That's right. Moving out. I've already packed up everything I need that isn't easily replaced by an exact replica. I'll certainly be taking the SuperNote trophy with me. [holds up SuperNote trophy]
I'm currently concealing a jet pack on my back. This chair is rigged to blow up the entire apartment as soon as I stand up. Gotta conceal any evidence of cloning or illegal pet ownership or, you know, racketeering, money laundering, light treason. So... [looks around] I'm gonna miss this place. But it's time to... [stands up, ticking sound can be heard, sits back down, ticking sound continues] Hang on... I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done! Oh god, it's gonna blow!
[Craig gets up and runs for the kitchen, holding the SuperNote trophy, as the room explodes behind him. In the kitchen, he leaps through the air as explosions happen behind him, to grab the coffee pot from the coffee maker. He flies up into sky holding coffee pot in one hand and SuperNote trophy in the other. As the eagle flies over, he strikes the eagle with the SuperNote trophy, takes a sip from the coffee pot, and strikes the eagle again. He lands on the sidewalk, takes a sip of coffee, looks up at his building.] There it goes. [Turns his back to the building. We can see and hear flames coming out of a few of the windows.]
[Sings the outro theme] Wheezy Waiter. [A few more windows explode with flames protruding from them. Craig winks (ding). Looks down to the sidewalk, where the whale and alligator must be.] Let's go, guys.[Walks out of frame. Sound of alligator munching. Craig cries out in pain.] Ow! Alligator! Ow! Heel! Heel!
[Music plays as two side-by-side images of Craig's apartment come up on screen (his room and the kitchen). Title on screen: Rest in Peace Apartment 2007-2011. Fade out to black.]

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, Aunt Judy, banjo face, math cam, denial cam, Explosion Wednesday, whale tank, alligator pit, ear slap, Craig quotes, Supernote, "I love it when the coffee's done!", eagle, wink


This is the first appearance of denial cam.

External links

My 500th Video on YouTube