[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. So I don't have a lot of free time lately. I think a way that I wanna free up time is to do my entire morning routine while I do this intro. So I can [takes off deodorant cap with his mouth. In his other hand, he's holding a toothbrush and a neti pot] put my deodorant on, brush my teeth, [puts toothbrush in his mouth] and floss [pulls floss into his mouth with his other hand] at the same time as I do my neti pot [pours water from his neti pot into his nostril]. Like that. And... uh... and then I spill... Since I spilled water on myself, I can pee my pants and no one'll notice.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So today's February 2nd. Groundhog Day. Happy Groundhog Day, everybody. Everybody in the US and Canada. I realize other countries may not celebrate Groundhog Day. I'm very sensitive to other cultures here on Wheezy Waiter.
[A clip plays from the previous day's video labeled "yesterday."]
[Black-wigged Craig/clone speaking in British accent:] I'm British.
[Blonde-wigged Craig/clone speaking in British accent:] I'm British as well.
So the history of Groundhog Day is a... [sniffs air] Hey, the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done! But I'm saving time today. I don't have time to go get the coffee. Clone, go get the coffee!
[Clone runs past him towards kitchen:] Okay!
[In the lower left-hand corner of the screen, we see the clone's attempts to get the coffee. Craig glances down at the corner of the frame.] Consolidation is key to saving time.
So every February 2nd a groundhog comes out of his burrow and predicts the weather for the next six weeks. If it's cloudy out and he doesn't see his shadow, he stays outside and Spring is here early.
[In the kitchen, the clone grabs coffee pot and pours coffee into the mug he's not holding so coffee goes into the sink. He begins searching for the mug. Looks in various cabinets. Heads for the door. Leaves the apartment.]
If it's sunny, he sees his shadow, and he gets scared and he goes back into his burrow and there's six more weeks of winter.
[In the lower lefthand corner of the frame, we see the clone going down the stairs and opening the door to the outside.]
That's ridiculous. A life form living its whole life probably is used to seeing its shadow and will not be scared.
[The clone cries out in fear when it sees its shadow and turns to run back inside.]
Whatever is afraid of its own shadow is incredibly stupid and so is whatever created that stupid thing.
[The clone runs up the stairs and down the hallway, back towards the apartment.]
Also, looking at statistics, groundhogs have not been a predictor of weather at all. Maybe we should end this stupid tradition. [The clone runs through the door of the apartment. Craig turns to him.] What are you doing?
[Clone:] I couldn't find a mug.
[Craig:] Keep looking!
Some holidays are just a waste of time.
[In the lower lefthand corner, the clone keeps looking through cabinets for a mug.]
[The dinosaur on the bookshelf talks to Craig:] Hey! [Craig turns to look at him.] I got a new holiday idea for today.
[Craig:] Okay. What?
[Dinosaur:] Dinosaur Day.
[The clone looks under the rug in the kitchen for a mug.]
[Craig:] What do you do during that holiday?
[Dinosaur:] The Charleston. [Music starts playing and the dinosaur dances forwards and backwards.]
I don't have time to watch this. Put it up there. [The dinosaur dancing is put up in the upper right-hand corner of the frame. The music continues, and it continues dancing.]
[In the kitchen, the clone finds an egg shell in the trash.]
So what could we do instead of celebrating Groundhog Day? Well, we could celebrate World Wetlands Day. According to Wikipedia, that is today.
[In the kitchen, the clone pours coffee into the cracked egg shell.]
How do we celebrate that? I don't know. List off all the wetlands in your country?
[In the lower righthand corner of the frame, a clone enters, clears his throat and begins reading names of wetlands as Craig continues talking:] Ash Meadows National Wildlife Refuge.
There's also a huge list of birthdays listed on the Wikipedia page for February 2nd. We could also list all those off. [In the upper left-hand corner of the frame, a clone sits and begins listing birthdays as Craig and the other clone are talking, as the search for the mug continues, and as the dinosaur continues to dance.]
[In the kitchen, the clone shakes his head and pours coffee out of the egg shell back into the sink. The dinosaur is still dancing.]
[Lower righthand corner clone:] Bolinas Lagoon
[Upper lefthand corner clone:] King James the first of Aragon.
Well, I guess we could do all of those at the same time. Where's my coffee?
[Lower righthand corner clone:] Cache River National Wildlife Refuge... Refuge... Refuge?
[The clone in the kitchen is going to pour coffee into his shirt but decides against it, shaking his head. Craig falls asleep, snoring softly at first, then loudly. The dinosaur's still dancing.]
[Upper lefthand corner clone:] Happy birthday King John of Denmark in 1455. Woo!
[The clone in the kitchen gives up, puts the coffee down and jumps into the alligator pit, yelling as he falls.]
[Lower righthand corner clone:] Caddo Lake.
[Upper lefthand corner clone:] Happy birthday Bona Storza.
[Lower righthand corner clone:] Cape May National Wild...
[Wheezy Waiter outro]
[Viewer:] Hey clone.
[Viewer's clone, who's sweeping in kitchen:] Huh?
[Viewer:] Wink for me.
[Viewer's clone:] What... You're that lazy you can't even wink?
[Viewer:] Hey! Wink! Alligator pit. Make it happen.
[Viewer's clone walks to camera and winks (ding)]
[Craig has toothbrush and floss in his mouth.] Floss, put my deodorant on at the same time... Also doing my neti pot. [Sticks neti pot in his nostril] Okay?
101 videos, singing rug, beardlovers, "I love it when the coffee's done!", clone, toy dinosaur doing the Charleston, Wikipedia, alligator pit, wink, outtakes
Multitasking 101 on YouTube