Moving Out

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"Moving Out"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 498
Original Upload date April 26, 2011
Running time 0:04:39
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by JaeChongMusic
Great People
Guests: Craig's dad
Featured Clones

unnamed clone (in this video - see next one!)
Quiet clone
Revenge clone

Episode chronology
← Previous
"No Pants"
Next →
"Moving Out (Clone Point of View)"



[Craig sings a tune as he leans into frame]
Hey beardlovers. I'm at my parents' house in my bedroom. No singing rug here. So I was just taking a look at this picture of me from high school... [closeup of photo of Craig from high school] So young, so full of life... And then I took a look at this picture of me from mirror... [pans camera to the mirror. Standing in front of mirror] So bald and fatter and full of death... And then I started thinking about how my landlord is kicking me out in a week because he's renovating my apartment. For real. And I realized this is an opportunity for a new beginning. I can find a nicer apartment. Exercise. Reclaim that youthful vigor [points to photo] [pronounces it v-eye-gor] [text on screen: vigor?] The choice is obvious. Moving in with my parents. High five for quitting life! [puts hand up to camera for high five] Yeah!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Why you looking at me like that? Does being 30 and living with my parents make me a loser? I beg to not care. There are so many awesome ways to do nothing. Speaking of, I have to go not wash my car.
[Craig's dad is washing a car, wiping the windows.] Hey Dad, that car's looking pretty good. I can't wait to see how well you wash mine. [pans to his car, parked on the street, and back to his dad.]
[Craig's dad:] I'm not washing your car.
[Craig:] What?
[Craig's dad:] You're washing your car.
[Craig:] I can't. I'm wearing pajama pants. That would look ridiculous.
[Craig's dad:] Don't care.
[Craig:] Oh. Thought you loved me. [to camera:] Hey beardlovers, leave a comment saying how unloving my father is. [looks back at his dad]
[Craig's dad looks at Craig for a moment and then sighs:] Fine.
[Craig, to camera:] Never mind.
[Camera is pointing at the couch.] Alright, this is gonna be a new segment.... called Sleeping Positions. Camera's a little crooked. Ahh, doesn't matter if anybody watches. It's not like I'm gonna make a career out of this anymore. [lies down on his back] Ahhh. So this is the back one. The back position. And then we'll switch over to the next position [falls asleep, snores] [Phone rings.] [Craig wakes up, looks at his phone.] Me calling? [answers phone] Hello? Is this a clone? Don't worry about it. I'm not coming back. You're free. Forever. Hooraaaay! Bye. [falls back asleep and snores more] [Wakes up] Alright, I guess we'll only do one position today. [sits up]
[Craig's dad enters the kitchen]
[Craig:] Hey Dad, all done washing the car? What's for lunch?
[Craig's dad:] We have leftover lasagna.
[Craig:] Leftovers? Ugh. Ugh. Good enough.
[They stare at each other for a moment before Craig's dad sighs, opens fridge, and takes out the leftover lasagna, which he puts on the counter. They stare at each other again for a few moments until Craig's dad goes and puts it on the microwave. Craig smiles and nods.] There you go. [His phone rings again] Hmm? [answers phone] Hello? Is this Quiet Clone? I can't hear a word you're saying. I told you, you don't have to worry. Free rein. It's all yours. Bye forever.
So as you can see, living with your parents is quite a good... it's already 3 in the afternoon. I'm gonna go drink myself to sleep. Dad, finish my video! [Craig gets up and leaves the room, encountering his dad on the way out] Go! Finish it. [pushes his dad in the room] Finish it.
[Craig's dad sees the camera, stands there for a moment before sitting down.]
[Craig's dad:] As you know by now, I'm Wheezy Waiter's dad. I... I used to work at... uh... Stainless Tank and Equipment. I was there for 37 years... umm... but they decided last June that they're going a different direction so they let me go. And now I'm kinda in between jobs, working, you know, for places that need welders. Welding is badass. [As he says this, the words appear on screen: Welding is badass. - Eugene Benzine] It's interesting to see all the different... different places that... uh... do a lot of welding. There are places that just...
[Craig enters, hanging up phone:] Dad, Dad... I gotta go. There's an emergency at my apartment. Turn the camera off. [walks up to camera to turn it off]
[shot of road from the car]
[Craig, driving, on the phone:] So Sexy Clone dropped body oil into the whale's blowhole and the whale's suffocating? The alligator got out and it ate a clone? Oh wait, I don't care about stupid clones. He's going down the street towards the school? Oh man. Dead kids are not good. NOT GOOD! [As he says this, the words appear on screen: Oh man. Dead kids are not good. NOT GOOD! - Craig Benzine] The coffee machine's broke? Oh my god, I never should have left. [speeds up]
[Craig singing along to the radio:] Whoaaa, sweet child of mine. [does air guitar solo for a moment] Whoa, no, this is serious. [changes radio station and starts singing along to a new song] Lightning crashes. That's better. An old mother dies.
[Craig opens the door to his apartment:] I came home as fast I could...
[A clone runs out from the bathroom with a knife.]
[Craig:] Is everything okay? [sees the clone with the knife and cries out, runs away] [Another clone peeks through the doorway]
[Craig trips and falls on the floor near the fridge. The clone brandishing the knife falls on top of Craig (out of frame) with the knife raised]
[Revenge Clone, laughs, still peeking through door:] We tricked you! Now you shall die! [laughs]
[Craig stands up.] No. The clone has not defeated me. But you're right. I have mistreated all of you clones. I have no will to live. Get to the alligator pit... me. [walks to alligator pit and jumps in]
[Revenge Clone:] I guess the plan worked! Come on, let's go. I have more plans for us! [hurries towards the door, which we hear close behind him.]
[The clone (or is it Craig?) gets up off the floor.]
[The clone calls from the alligator pit:] Hey Original Craig, did they buy it?
[Craig:] Yeah. What...?
[Clone:] Sorry I attacked you with a knife. I had to save you. I love you, Craig. [Alligator munches. The clone cries out as he dies.]
[Craig:] What was that about?
[Winker plays outro theme on his cello and winks (plucks cello string)]
[Title on screen: go to to see the clone point of view with some images of clones doing their chores. Sexy Clone is whipping some pots with a towel:] Hey-o!

Recurring elements

alternate POV videos, beardlovers, clone, Quiet clone, Sexy clone, whale tank, alligator pit, Craig quotes, Revenge clone, wink

Related videos

The clones' point of view is presented in Moving Out (Clone Point of View).

External links

Moving Out on YouTube