[wheezywaiter dot com chips and salsa intro]
Greeting wheezies, it's August 16th.
In the comments, no, i got the internet goin' nutz said, My apartment has come under attack by moths again. Can you help me with that?
Yeah, my apartment comes under attack by moths sometimes too. I've come to learn that we are all products of nature, and we must get along with even the little ones too. But seriously, get some insecticide and kill every last one of 'em.
Personally, I like to use flytraps cause then I can mount the dead ones for all to see. Bwahahaha.
Anyway, yesterday I made a movie.... Anyway, yesterday I sent in a movie... Anyway, a couple of days ago a friend.... Anyway, a couple of days ago a friend of a friend was... Anyway, a couple days ago I found out that a friend of a friend was doing some market research and needed people to send in movies about gum. I did it, and I'm getting paid for it. [Ka-ching sound effect] Paid to do something that you like to do. I'm still getting used to that idea. Anyway, this is what I made. Enjoy it. [Fade out]
[Wheezy hurtles a piece of gum towards the camera simulating slow motion. Title on screen: GUM! Wheezy puts a piece of gum in his mouth and chews.]
Gum. Gum. Gum. Gum. Gum. Gum. Gum. Gum. GUM!
Hi, my name is Craig Benzine and I like gum. I like spearmint gum, peppermint gum, sugar-free gum, but my favorite gum is the super icy gum, like Dentyne Ice. I like my gum with a kick! That was actually a punch but whatever.
Gum does a lot of great things to the inside of your mouth. For one thing, it gets all that stuff out from between your teeth, kind of like flossing. Not sure if it's scientifically proven or anything, but I think that's what happens.
Also, after you get done eating something really strong like garlic or whatever, as delicious as that may be, you don't want to keep it in your mouth forever. Something about people knowing what I just ate kinda bothers me. But I could keep the awesome taste of gum in my mouth for quite a long time. I don't care if you know that I chew gum. I'd tell the world! [smacks gum loudly]
Another cool thing about gum has to do with where I work. I'm a waiter and sometimes us waiters will go out after a late shift and throw back a few cold ones. [drinks beer]
[Craig from today, not wearing the same shirt as in the gum video:] Allow me to interject here, if I may. Get drunk!
[Back to the gum video:]
[Craig drinking and acting drunk:] Hehehehe.
And then the next day, you feel like, ugggghhhhh. And you probably get up too late and you don't have time to brush your teeth. Otherwise you'll be late for work. And you come in and you avoid breathing on your manager so he doesn't send you back home. And you stand five feet away from the table you're waiting on so they don't think you're an alcoholic. But you know what you can do? Pop in a stick of gum and cover up your bad lifestyle choices.
And finally, a great thing about gum is it's a way to connect to people and let 'em know that, hey, you're thinking about them.
[Craig and a clone sit side by side.] So listen, man...
I was thinking about grabbing a stick of gum. You want one too?
[Clone:] No way! Oh my god, thank you! You do care.
It was nothing.
[Clone:] You do! Yeah.
[Craig looks bashful.] No.
So that's gum. [Craig smiles widely. Dinging sound is heard as his smile glints.]
[Craig from today:] No, that's not how we end it. It's like this. [winks]
Then cut to black. Then the website fades in.
[wheezywaiter dot com outro]
wheezies, comments, "get drunk!", clone, dinging glinting smile, wink
This is the first appearance of Craig's dinging glinting smile. It does not recur again until several years later.
moth gum on YouTube