[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Hang on a second. Just a second. Hold on. Wait. There's something in my shoe. [Takes shoe off and shakes it. EXPLOSION.] I gotta stop playing in nitroglycerin puddles. But it's so fun. So fun! No more nitroglycerin puddles. Sucks to be an adult. [smells shoe] Might need some foot powder too.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey. So I got this new thing I wanna try once a week. We'll do it on Wednesdays. I'll call it EXPLOSION Wednesday. We'll try it out a few weeks. I'm not sure if we'll make it a thing or not. Test out the waters. FIRES. Who knows? Might catch on. Even if it does, though, we still need Oprah's approval to make it a thing. Delayed EXPLOSION. [long pause. then an explosion.]
Did you know the astrological sign of the planet Mercury represents Wednesday? [shows Wikipedia article with the symbol. Tries to recreate the sign by making a cross under his chin with his fingers and putting a bowl on his head] So this'll be our Explosion Wednesday gang symbol from now on.
Did you know that NASA just released the first images taken of Mercury from orbit? [shows article with photo] How apropos. [text on screen next to him: apropos. He looks at it.] EXPLOSION! [text now reads: apropro. Craig smiles.] More like aproprOH NO [text: aprop OH NO!] [closeup on picture] Look at all those previous explosions. My guess is they looked something like this [explosions in several of the craters on the picture] That one's my favorite. [arrow pointing to one of the craters] No, that one's my favorite. [arrow points to another crater] No that one's my favorite. [arrow points to another crater] [Craig is pulling at his hair] Agh, such a hard decision. Choosing a favorite explosion is like choosing your favorite child. Julia or Destiny's. [Two pictures come up side by side beside Craig. On the left, Julia Child holding a turkey upside down. On the right, Destiny's Child. Craig looks at them.] Actually, that's a really easy decision. Will she always be holding that turkey? Because then it's definitely Julia. Destiny's a one time deal. Turkey is forever. [Text on screen appears as Craig says that: Destiny's a one time deal. Turkey is forever. - Craig Benzine] [Explosion] Early EXPLOSION!
So in other explosion news... [Craig turns and sees a clone playing guitar in the kitchen walking towards him.] Oh great, there's a Musical Clone.
[Musical Clone plays guitar and sings:] Explosion explosion explosion explosion explosion...
[Another Musical Clone enters from the left of the frame as the first Musical Clone continues singing his song. Musical Clone #2 sings and dances:] What did I hear down the way?
[A third Musical Clone pops up from behind the chair:] Hey there, man, what's that you say?
[Musical Clone #1:] I think it's Explosion Wednesday [As he spins and sings, he falls into the alligator pit.] Aaaaa! [Sound of alligator munching]
I thought an explosion would kill him. [The other musical clones hide.]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Outtakes:] So fun! So fun! So fun!
singing rug, beardlovers, Explosion Wednesday, Wikipedia, headlines, Craig quotes, Musical clone, song, alligator pit, wink, outtakes
Mercury, Turkey, and Clones on YouTube