McDonald's Goo

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"McDonald's Goo"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 614
Original Upload date February 1, 2012
Running time 0:02:49
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by SocksForDobby97
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Hidden Talents"
Next →
"Multitasking 101"



[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. So today I wanted... ooh... my shoulder itches. [Rubs his beard on his shoulder to scratch it.] Anyway, today I want... ahh... it still itches. [Does it again.] Beard scratch, beard scratch. [Cries out as flames shoot out of his shoulder.] Shoulder's on fire! Oh god! No, don't do that! Don't do... [A clone throws water on the fire and it explodes.]
[Clone:] Why did it explode?
[Craig:] It was a grease fire.
[Clone:] A grease fire? On your shirt?
[Craig:] I keep bacon underneath my shirt for snacky time.
[Clone:] Can't you just put it in your pocket?
[Craig:] And mix it with Fruit Gushers? Gross. Other snack ruined.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So beardlovers, I'm doing this thing called EXPLOSION Wednesday during which I do EXPLOSION-related things every Wednesday. But I'm not sure everyone's gonna like it so it's not permanent yet.
Or set in stone. Concrete. Continual. Perduring. Diurnal. I've been reading too much thesaurus dot com.
So, without further ado, here's some EXPLOSION news. I can do that more thesaurusy. Hence, barring supplementary travail, hitherto subsists fusillade promulgations.
[shows article and reads headline] McDonald's drops use of gooey ammonia-based 'pink slime' in hamburger meat.
Mmm, hang on a second. My mouth is watering. Mmm.
Oh that's just great. What else are you gonna take away from my childhood that I loved? Candy cigarettes? Beer? Grand Theft Auto? Not the game. The act of.
Rural Wisconsin was a tough place to grow up.
I don't care if it's an ingredient that's also used in [shows article] fertilizer or household cleaners and some roll-your-own EXPLOSIVES.
You know what else they all have? The letters L and S. You gonna ban them too? Well, you're a bunch of ahoe.
You think I'm gonna obey you? Well, you're hit of uck, miter.
I mean, look at it. [shows picture] It's look like delicious strawberry ice cream.
Things that look good are good. Or television has been lying to us all along.
If that were true, then based on my childhood, there's no more hope left for me.
I would say about 95 percent of my decisions follow the question 'What would Balki Barotokmous do?' [picture of Balki] He may be a perfect stranger to our country, but he is no stranger to love! Don't be ridicalus. So I'm pretty sure about seven of you know what I'm talking about. Again, sorry. Grew up in a rough area. Rampant Balkiholism.
So, speaking of television... [shows article] 'Downton Abbey' creates tourism BOOM. [The boom explodes the article and picture of the castle.] I hope they're okay.
I have no idea what Downton Abbey is other than a British TV show, but here's a parody of it.
[Craig (or clone) in a black wig, speaking in British accent:] 'Ello, Abby! How are you feeling today?
[Craig (or clone) in a blonde wig, speaking in British accent:] Oh I'm feeling a bit down.....ton.
[Black-wigged Craig/clone:] Oh goodness. Perhaps a splotch of tea will make you feel up...ton.
[Blonde-wigged Craig/clone:] Oh quite right.
[Black-wigged Craig/clone:] Quite right.
[Blonde-wigged Craig/clone:] Quite right.
[Black-wigged Craig/clone:] Quite right.
[Blonde-wigged Craig/clone:] Oh quite right.
[Black-wigged Craig/clone:] Quite right.
[Blonde-wigged Craig/clone:] Quite right.
[Black-wigged Craig/clone:] A logical state of rightness.
[Blonde-wigged Craig/clone:] Very valid. Very appropriate.
[Black-wigged Craig/clone:] Quite right. I'm British.
[Blonde-wigged Craig/clone:] I'm British as well.
[Black-wigged Craig/clone:] I'm British as well.
[Blonde-wigged Craig/clone:] From the Queen's country?
[Black-wigged Craig/clone:] Absolutely. Oh yes.
[Blonde-wigged Craig/clone:] Quite right.
[Black-wigged Craig/clone:] Oh quite right. Yes.
[Blonde-wigged Craig/clone:] Quite right.
[Black-wigged Craig/clone:] Quite right. Oh quite right.
[The blonde-wigged Craig/clone makes funny faces.]
[Wheezy Waiter outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Craig addresses the camera with a clone standing behind him, near the cloning door:]
So I found this British clone in my apartment. He helped me with the parody. Thanks a lot, man.
[British clone:] No bother.
[Craig:] Okay. Now get to the alligator pit.
[British clone:] No!
[Craig:] Is that, like, British slang for yes?
[British clone:] No.
[Craig:] Okay, good. Go on. Another clone killed today. [British clone walks to the door and leaves the apartment.]
I need to learn to speak British.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, clone, Explosion Wednesday, headlines, wink, British clone, alligator pit

External links

McDonald's Goo on YouTube