Man Swallows Quarter
|"Man Swallows Quarter"|
|Original Upload date||November 3, 2010|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||vaprsnake|
[slides in/grunge rug]
Hey beardlovers. Still in Seattle. It's time for a Seattle fun fact. [shows Wikipedia page] Seattle is the northernmost major city in the contiguous United States and the largest city in the Pacific Northwest and in the state of EXPLOSION!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Take it away, clone. [A clone sits behind Craig, who plays keyboard.]
[Craig sings:] It's WEDNESDAY, it's WEDNESDAY, EXPLOSION Wednesday.
What happened to the last explosion? Huh.
[shows article] EXPLOSION flattens Hyde Park home.
Uhhhhhhhh.... [the clone looks around and shrugs but looks nervous.] I... I...
[reads from article] A contractor for a Boston Water and Sewer Commission was installing a water main when a gas line was hit. [Explosion]
[Craig:] Phew. I thought it was us.
[Clone:] Oh yeah. Me too.
[Craig:] Whew, I'm so relieved.
[Craig:] Big time relieved.
[Craig:] Oh yeah.
[Clone:] What a relief.
[Clone:] Whew. Yeah.
[Craig:] Get to the bear pit.
[Clone:] Such a relief. Wow. What?
Here's some steps on how to install a water main for The Boston Water and Sewer Commission. [In the background, the clone jumps offscreen. Growling and then munching can be heard.] Step one. Don't explode houses. Step two. Install water main. Step three. Continue to not explode houses. And don't be racist. Not that you're racist. I don't know. Really.
In other news, church blowed up. [shows video of church demolition on CNN. Shot of Craig reacting to video.] YEAH! WOO! [demolition] OH YEAH! [demolition] CHURCH BLOWED UP!
That was cool, but just to make sure, let's see it in slow mo.
[Slow mo footage of Craig watching the demolition:] YEAH! WOO! OH YEAH! CHURCH BLOWED UP!
Yeah, i was right.
Technically that was an implosion but they used explosives to make it happen. Sometimes you need explosion to make implosion. Just like what goes up must come down. And what goes in must come out. Unless you count that quarter that I accidentally ate in the second grade because Gregory Olson snuck it into my mashed potatoes. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of hurting my teeth so I swallowed it, and I liked it. But it never came out. But now I'm worth 25 cents more than the average human. [Cha-ching sound as Craig smiles. Bubbling sound as Craig runs behind him and out of the room. Comes back and sits down.] Not anymore. [Audience laughter and applause. Craig waves.]
In other news, [picture of a dog with a very fancy hairstyle] gaaah! That dog's head exploded. [shows article] Oh no, it's just an adorable pup that has 163,000 Facebook fans. [reads from article] Meet Boo, the Pom pup with a lion cut, doing his darndest to ensure pounds and Pomeranian rescues are bursting at their adorable seams just in time for Christmas.
There's video. [Video of the dog] Awww that's adorable. [Video of dog] Awww, adorable! [Video of dog] Awww, he's got a big head like I do. Aww, and he does this like I do all the time too. [licks his lips] [Video of dog sticking out his tongue and then retracting it.] [Shot of Craig licking his lips.] I should probably see that in slow mo. [Slow motion footage of Craig licking his lips.] Maybe not.
One more explosion news story. [Explosion over t-shirt with fist punching eagle] That's right. New eagle-punching t-shirts. And Spreadshirt is offering free shipping in the US and a discount in Canada if you use these codes until November 15th. That's for any of the shirts I'm selling. That makes me homesick. [Sound of squawking as eagle flies into Cynthia's apartment. Craig turns his head but misses seeing the eagle.] What was that?
[Viewer winks (EXPLOSION). Coughs.]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
So a little while ago I did a video with Morgan the tongue. Click here to watch the video. [points to annotation] We're running a contest right now for an iPod Touch. To enter the contest, you subscribe to youtube dot com slash curebadbreath and leave a comment. What's the comment, Wheezy? Well, I'll tell you!!! Sorry. I'm sorry about that. They wanna know what they should call their audience. You guys and girls are beardlovers. They want a name for their guys and girls. Just leave a comment saying what you think they should call their audience, but don't mention the iPod. Morgan and I will pick the best suggestion and that person wins an iPod but remember you have to comment on this video [points to annotation] and subscribe to their channel.
[As Craig points to where video was annotated, a dog in the background sits.] There's a dog in my shot. EXPLOSION! [The dog's gone.] That's better.
Just kidding. Sammy, come here! Sammy, come on! [Dog runs up to Craig. Craig pets him.] I wouldn't... I wouldn't explode a dog.
Speak. [Sammy barks. Explosion. Craig's gone.]
[As Sammy makes some noises, subtitles appear on screen: I'm thinking about making Explosion Wednesday a thing but I'm not 100 percent certain.] [Sammy barks] [Subtitle: you can't rush into these things.]
This is the first video in which Craig mentions a video he made with the Orabrush people.
Man Swallows Quarter on YouTube