|Original Upload date||April 6, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||Rachel00917|
[slides in/singing rug]
Oh hey beardlovers.
Today's April 6th. Chakri Day. Happy Chakri Day! You don't know what Chakri Day is? Chakri Day is the day commemorating the Chakri Dynasty in Thailand.
[A clone leans into frame on the left side of screen]
[Clone, whispers:] Psst! Hey! [The clone beckons.]
[Craig:] The Chakri Dynasty...
[The camera moves closer to the clone. We can still hear Craig in the background.]
[Clone, beckoning:] Psst! Come here!
[Craig, in the background:] ...has ruled Thailand...
[Clone, beckoning, whipsers:] Psst. Come on. Psst. Come on.
[Craig:] ...since the founding of the Ratthanakosin era.
[The camera moves even closer to the clone. We can barely hear Craig anymore but can hear him murmuring in background.]
[Clone, still beckoning:] Come on. Come on. Psst. It's cool. Come on. It's cool. Come on.
[Camera moves even closer to the clone.]
[Clone, beckoning:] Come here. Gotta tell you something. Come on. Come here.
[Camera moves even closer. We couldn't be closer.]
[Clone laughs as camera is back in its original position.]
[Craig:] And that's the meaning of life. [looks over shoulder at clone leaving, then back to camera] Oh... what's the matter? Is your face burnt off? That's because you weren't listening to me. Lesson learned. You kids today don't listen!!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[playing guitar, singing:] It's Wednesday, Wednesday, Explosion Wednesday, not sure if it's a thing or if it's nay. I'm wearing the same shirt I wore yesterday.
[Box appears in upper left-hand corner of screen with an image from yesterday's video, with the title Yesterday. Craig is wearing the same sweater.]
Shirt change EXPLOSION! [Craig's shirt is on fire, but it's the same shirt.] Oh, I thought that would work! I thought that would work. [Gets up, fanning himself]
[Sits back down with new shirt and wearing his jacket] There. All shirted up. And I didn't even burn myself. [obviously in pain] Ha ha ha. Burn denial burn denial.
You can just deny pain. Until infection leads to amputation. Then it's really gone. [Text appears on screen as Craig says this: You can just deny pain... until infection leads to amputation. Then it's really gone. -Craig Benzine]
I look like I just came from a wedding reception. But I don't feel like I just came from a wedding reception.
[Clone leans in:] No one will ever love you!
Now I do! [banjo face]
[turns and looks at clone as he backs out of frame] Clone changed his shirt too.
Ah, weddings. [looks like he's about to cry] Oh god, I can't cry. It's Wednesday. It's too dangerous. [starts crying. His tears are explosions. Rubs his eyes with a cloth that explodes. He tosses it away. Clone cries out. Clone, on fire and screaming, runs and jumps in the alligator pit. Alligator eats.] Great. Now the alligator's gonna want all the clones served flambe. First world problems.
So yeah, sometimes I cry explosions. It's kinda bad*pants*. And sad at the same time.
So in explosion news, [shows article] Silicon Valley experiencing new hiring BOOM. [closeup of picture of Asian man] I represent a hiring boom.
Apparently a lot of internet companies are doing a lot of hiring and there's a lot of startups everywhere. I know. I was just there. Ugh. There's some startup on my shoe. Eww. It reeks of opportunity.
But careful, this hiring frenzy might be a bubble. And we all know what happens to bubbles. He's a recovering heroin addict on The Wire [picture of Bubbles] and then on Fringe he's a cab driver [picture of character from Fringe], which is what you're all gonna be when the bubble EXPLODES [picture explodes]. That explanation had more words in it than it needed to.
Nothing wrong with being a cab driver, though. It's a fine profession. Just don't honk so much, okay?! There's a red light, okay?!! And even if it's green, sometimes it takes a while for the movement to catch up to you. You expect me to just go?!! There's a bunch of cars in front of me!!!!!!! [forces himself to calm down and smile] For example.
Speaking of love, remember, a few subjects ago I was talking about weddings, so ... it makes sense!! I wonder what happened to Clone in Love. Remember that clone that got away because he was in love with somebody?
[Craig opens window and calls out:] Hey! Clone in Love!
[Clone in Love, offscreen, calls back:] Hi there!
[Craig:] Are you still in love?
[Clone in Love:] Yes!
[Craig:] How's that going for ya?
[Clone in Love:] It's awesome! She's into the weird stuff!
[Craig:] Whoa. I don't need to know that.
[Clone in Love:] You asked a question. I gave you an answer! It's a traditional form of conversation!
[Craig:] When are you coming back home so I can send you to the alligator pit?
[Clone in Love:] Level 7 Love Fury!
[Hearts start flying through the window and exploding in Craig's apartment. He dodges them, hides behind a chair, and throws himself into the kitchen, out of the path of the exploding hearts.]
[Winker:] Happy Explosion Wednesday! [makes Explosion Wednesday gang sign. Winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
Hello again beardlovers. Just a reminder that this Saturday my band is playing in Chicago at a place called Schuba's. It's a CD release show. It's 18 plus. But if you bring a parent or a guardian, legally... guardian. Well, it doesn't matter how you bring them, legally or illegally. But they have to be a legal guardian to get in. I recommend bringing them legally. Don't speed or kidnap them. I think it'd be cool to be a legal guardian. I could always say stuff like, "I am guardian!" [his voice echoes] And speak with an echo like that. Just sounds really tough, you know? And epic. Tepic. Epough. [looks at spelling of epough] Epoe? What's with the g-h? Makes me wanna fift [text on screen: fight] somebody tonift [text on screen: tonight]. Hopefully they're lifter [text on screen: lighter] than me, though. [Sound of a ghost] What's that? Sounds like there's a foest [text on screen: ghost] in here. Think I've been spending too much time in here. I've been home for like, what, three days. [check wrist] I think I'll go outside tomorrow at some point. What should I do outside? Tell me in the comments.
Tepic / Epough = tough + epic
Love Fury! on YouTube