Lost in trainsnathan

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"lost in trainsnathan"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 39
2007
Original Upload date August 18, 2007
Running time 0:03:13
Intro chips and salsa intro
Outro wheezywaiter.com outro
Wink submitted by WheezyWaiter
Great People
Guests: Chris
Nathan Wells
Episode chronology
← Previous
"moth gum"
Next →
"the screen test"

Video

Transcript

[wheezywaiter dot com chips and salsa intro]
Greetings wheezies. It's August 18th. Today on CNN dot com [a man wheels a bike into frame, panting] bride happily ... [Craig turns around] who the fuck are you?
[Chris, panting heavily:] My name's Chris. I won the chips and salsa contest. I drove here as soon as I found out that I won. I came to claim my key. I've been feasting only on this homemade vanilla ice cream.
[Wheezy shaking Chris' hand:] Hey, it's Chris! He won the key to the old locks to my apartment for his chips and salsa song.
[Chris:] Congratulate me!
[Wheezy:] Congratulations!
[Chris:] Thank you.
So anyways, on CNN dot com, bride... [turns around] You're still here?
[Chris:] Yeah, where should I set up the cot?
Uhh, get out.
[Chris:] Go home... to Madison, Wisconsin? Just...
Yeah.
[Chris:] Turn around and...
I'm making a movie here. [points for Chris to leave]
[Chris slowly backs out of frame, leaning forward to stay in frame as long as possible and extending his arm, with ice cream in his hand, until the last possible second]
So anyways, on CNN dot com, bride happily ruins 800 dollar wedding dress.
In other CNN news, Iraqi rivals look for reconciliation formula.
Hmmm. Iraq. I've heard of that place. Hey! I think I know someone's who been there! And I think his name is Nate. Well, Nathan. It's time for The Nates I Know.
[Wheezy the waiter:] Greetings, Nate. Welcome to [music]. How are you doing today?
[Nate:] I gotta piss.
[Wheezy the waiter:] Oh, bathroom's ... it's right over there.
[Nate:] Where?
[Wheezy the waiter:] Yeah, it's just right over there.
[Nate:] Huh?
[Wheezy the waiter:] Yeah, it's just right over there.
[Nate gets up.]
[Title: 20 minutes later...]
[Nate:] Augh... dirty butt. I don't think I wiped right.
[Wheezy the waiter:] That's great. So what was it like growing up with someone as awesome as me?
[Nate:] I can roll my tongue in three loops. [closeup of Nate rolling his tongue in three loops]
[Wheezy the waiter:] Umm... I understand you spent some time in Iraq. How was it?
[Nate:] Flaccid.
[Wheezy the waiter:] What do you do for a living?
[Nate:] I'm a teacher.
[Wheezy the waiter:] Do you like teaching?
[Nate:] Do YOU like teaching?
[Wheezy the waiter:] I'm ... I'm not a teacher.
[Nate:] Psshh. [throws menu] Whatever.
[Wheezy the waiter:] How do you feel about working with kids?
[Nate:] I like kids. Just not shitheads. Are you a shithead?
[Wheezy the waiter:] I... I don't know what a shithead is.
[Nate:] Psshh. [throws menu] Whatever.
[Wheezy the waiter:] Okay, back to Iraq. Where were you stationed?
[Nate:] Taji.
[Wheezy the waiter:] What was your rank, soldier?
[Nate:] If I told you I was a staff sergeant, would you even know what that means?
[Wheezy the waiter:] No.
[Nate:] DAMNIT!
[Wheezy the waiter:] Are you a pole vaulter?
[Nate:] That's what I do.
[Wheezy the waiter:] Hey! You wanna pole vault over the EL train with a broom?
[Nate:] Fuck yeah!
[Wheezy the waiter:] Really?
[Nate:] Yeah I do.
[Nate stretching near the El train tracks, takes a sip of beer, holding a broom, runs down the sidewalk holding the broom like a pole, pole vaults over the El train while still holding his bottle of Pabst Blue Ribbon, lands, stands up, drinks beer to the sound of applause]
[Wheezy:] I pole-vaulted in high school a few times. I made 9 feet.
[Nate, off-camera:] Hey shithead. We're out of beer!
[wink (ding)]
[wheezywaiter dot com outro]

Recurring elements

wheezies, chips and salsa, headlines, The Nates I Know, music replaces the restaurant's name, wink

External links

lost in trainsnathan on YouTube