Lois Won't See This
|"Lois Won't See This"|
|Original Upload date||October 10, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||maladroit0131|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. You been working on your smiles? Well, now it's time to go big. [Opens his mouth very wide and smiles. The smile dings and glints from inside his mouth. A leprechaun scurries up to his mouth. Craig whips his head so the leprechaun flies away.] Stupid leprechaun's always after my gold teeth!
[A clone emerges in the background and hops around while speaking in an old timey Western accent.]
[Clone:] Gold? Did somebody say gold?
[Craig:] Yes, Prospector Clone. It's in the alligator pit.
[Prospector Clone:] Well, that don't make a lick of sense. But neither does not having gold. [He leaps into the alligator pit. Yells as he's falling. The alligator munches. Craig smiles and nods.]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
That's right. I have gold teeth. Check it out.
[Extreme closeup of Craig's open mouth. He talks as subtitles for what he's saying appear onscreen since his speech is unintelligible due to his mouth being open.]
Right there. See? Right there. There they are.
Wait, something was missing in that shot. Oh yeah... [Craig takes a sip from a straw sticking out of a plastic cup.] Mmmm.
Why have an empty mouth when you can put smoothie in it? [As he says this, the words appear beside him onscreen: Why have an empty mouth when you can put smoothie in it. - Craig Benzine]
Want some of my smoothie? Here. [Puts straw up to the lens and makes swallowing sounds like the viewer is drinking the smoothie.] Delicious, right? Yep. It's strawberry. Yum yum. [Sound of drinking from a straw when there's no more liquid in the cup.] Hey! You drank all the smoothie! [throws the cup behind him] I'm taken aback! [Turns to camera labeled: Taken aback cam] [Slides back in his chair/singing rug, clearly taken aback.] [Turns back to main camera angle]
I will never forgive you for the thing that I already forgot that you did!
So as you can see from the title, today's video is about... uh... I'm making this up as I go and I still don't know what it's about yet. I'll just move my lips and overdub it later. Today's video is about [starts moving lips as if he's talking. The voiceover speaks:] my cousin-in-law Lois but first I talk about my Aunt Judy as a segue. [Craig is still his moving his lips like he's talking. The voiceover continues:] No, she's not one of those segways you ride around but a transition. Get excited! A song happens later. I think I moved my mouth for too long during this shot. [Voiceover Craig clears his throat as mouthing-words Craig finishes up.]
So remember my Aunt Judy who is, not to put too fine a point on it, the essence of pure evil? Aunt Judy! She was rightfully blamed for a lot of the problems in my life?
[Craig sits on the couch playing guitar. Text onscreen: 2 weeks ago. Craig hits a wrong note.] Aunt Judy!
Well, guess what? She's off the hook now. Isn't that right, cousin-in-law Lois?!!! Why did I even ask you? You're not even watching!
At one of my relative's weddings, my cousin-in-law Lois told me that she's only seen one of my videos. That's fine. I don't mind if people don't watch my videos, but she told me about it!!! You might as well say whatever you want in the comments about Lois. She won't see it.
[song begins. Craig sings]
Lois won't see this,
Lois won't see this. [Banjo face]
She won't even see me jump-kick my fist. [He jump kicks his fist.]
She won't see me small. [Craig crouches in the far background near the bathroom.]
She won't see me big. [Craig looms over the camera as it shoots him from below.]
She won't see me outside [Craig, out on the street, waves at camera which is still in his apartment]
Or Craigity Craig, Craig with a Wig. [Craig with a Wig stares at camera, turns his head and smiles (piano key)]
Careful when you fly! [Closeup of Craig's How to Survive a Fall From an Airplane video]
Or have a break-in. [Closeup of Craig's What to do During a Break-In video]
And you're not gonna know how to drive [closeup of How to Drive]
Or vacation. [closeup of Vacation 101]
You'll never know when the coffee is done [holds up coffee mug]
You think the number of songs about you is none.
Well, it's one.
Well, or maybe more than one. I don't know. I don't watch your videos. Lois.
[shouting a little] Lois!! Lois!!
You gotta say it loud.
She's not watching.
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[The camera shoots the street below. Craig walks into street. Waves at camera. Walks back to sidewalk.] Wow. All that work just to get a quick shot there. Worth it? Yes.
So remember my Aunt... [sound of shouting and yelling. Craig turns his head towards window where sound is coming from.] That must be the work of Aunt Judy out there.
The question at the beginning about smiling is a reference to his previous video Smile.
During the song, he references several of his videos:
How to Survive a Fall From an Airplane
What to do During a Break-In
How to Drive
Lois Won't See This on YouTube