Lois Won't See This

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"Lois Won't See This"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 568
2011
Original Upload date October 10, 2011
Running time 0:02:34
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by maladroit0131
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Smile"
Next →
"Wheezy Trailer"

Video

Transcript

[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. You been working on your smiles? Well, now it's time to go big. [Opens his mouth very wide and smiles. The smile dings and glints from inside his mouth. A leprechaun scurries up to his mouth. Craig whips his head so the leprechaun flies away.] Stupid leprechaun's always after my gold teeth!
[A clone emerges in the background and hops around while speaking in an old timey Western accent.]
[Clone:] Gold? Did somebody say gold?
[Craig:] Yes, Prospector Clone. It's in the alligator pit.
[Prospector Clone:] Well, that don't make a lick of sense. But neither does not having gold. [He leaps into the alligator pit. Yells as he's falling. The alligator munches. Craig smiles and nods.]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
That's right. I have gold teeth. Check it out.
[Extreme closeup of Craig's open mouth. He talks as subtitles for what he's saying appear onscreen since his speech is unintelligible due to his mouth being open.]
Right there. See? Right there. There they are.
Wait, something was missing in that shot. Oh yeah... [Craig takes a sip from a straw sticking out of a plastic cup.] Mmmm.
Why have an empty mouth when you can put smoothie in it? [As he says this, the words appear beside him onscreen: Why have an empty mouth when you can put smoothie in it. - Craig Benzine]
Want some of my smoothie? Here. [Puts straw up to the lens and makes swallowing sounds like the viewer is drinking the smoothie.] Delicious, right? Yep. It's strawberry. Yum yum. [Sound of drinking from a straw when there's no more liquid in the cup.] Hey! You drank all the smoothie! [throws the cup behind him] I'm taken aback! [Turns to camera labeled: Taken aback cam] [Slides back in his chair/singing rug, clearly taken aback.] [Turns back to main camera angle]
I will never forgive you for the thing that I already forgot that you did!
So as you can see from the title, today's video is about... uh... I'm making this up as I go and I still don't know what it's about yet. I'll just move my lips and overdub it later. Today's video is about [starts moving lips as if he's talking. The voiceover speaks:] my cousin-in-law Lois but first I talk about my Aunt Judy as a segue. [Craig is still his moving his lips like he's talking. The voiceover continues:] No, she's not one of those segways you ride around but a transition. Get excited! A song happens later. I think I moved my mouth for too long during this shot. [Voiceover Craig clears his throat as mouthing-words Craig finishes up.]
So remember my Aunt Judy who is, not to put too fine a point on it, the essence of pure evil? Aunt Judy! She was rightfully blamed for a lot of the problems in my life?
[Craig sits on the couch playing guitar. Text onscreen: 2 weeks ago. Craig hits a wrong note.] Aunt Judy!
Well, guess what? She's off the hook now. Isn't that right, cousin-in-law Lois?!!! Why did I even ask you? You're not even watching!
At one of my relative's weddings, my cousin-in-law Lois told me that she's only seen one of my videos. That's fine. I don't mind if people don't watch my videos, but she told me about it!!! You might as well say whatever you want in the comments about Lois. She won't see it.
[song begins. Craig sings]
Lois won't see this,
Lois won't see this. [Banjo face]
She won't even see me jump-kick my fist. [He jump kicks his fist.]
She won't see me small. [Craig crouches in the far background near the bathroom.]
She won't see me big. [Craig looms over the camera as it shoots him from below.]
She won't see me outside [Craig, out on the street, waves at camera which is still in his apartment]
Or Craigity Craig, Craig with a Wig. [Craig with a Wig stares at camera, turns his head and smiles (piano key)]
Careful when you fly! [Closeup of Craig's How to Survive a Fall From an Airplane video]
Or have a break-in. [Closeup of Craig's What to do During a Break-In video]
And you're not gonna know how to drive [closeup of How to Drive]
Or vacation. [closeup of Vacation 101]
You'll never know when the coffee is done [holds up coffee mug]
You think the number of songs about you is none.
Well, it's one.
Well, or maybe more than one. I don't know. I don't watch your videos. Lois.
[shouting a little] Lois!! Lois!!
You gotta say it loud.
She's not watching.
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[The camera shoots the street below. Craig walks into street. Waves at camera. Walks back to sidewalk.] Wow. All that work just to get a quick shot there. Worth it? Yes.
So remember my Aunt... [sound of shouting and yelling. Craig turns his head towards window where sound is coming from.] That must be the work of Aunt Judy out there.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, dinging glinting smile, leprechaun, Prospector clone, alligator pit, Craig quotes, taken aback cam, Aunt Judy, song, banjo face, Craig with a Wig, wink, outtakes

Related videos

The question at the beginning about smiling is a reference to his previous video Smile.
During the song, he references several of his videos:
How to Survive a Fall From an Airplane
What to do During a Break-In
How to Drive
Vacation 101

External links

Lois Won't See This on YouTube