List of Craig quotes

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Craig quotes (in chronological order)


"Options are good. Keeps people choosing." -Craig Benzine 2010

-- Noise Pollution, October 12 2010


People alive are better than people not alive. -Wheezy Waiter

-- How to be a Hero, January 7 2011


If you want something done right you gotta pay... pay... actually pay people what you said you'd pay them. I mean, do it yourself.

-- Antimatter Elmo, January 12 2011


The truth shall set you free, but lies will help you avoid conflict while in prison.

-- Sickly Waiter, January 15 2011


Mystery makes the heart go bonkers. -Craig Benzine

-- For the Love of Day, February 14 2011


Bird poop in the mouth is always a surprise - Craig Benzine

-- Empathy 101, February 18 2011


Don't headbutt the Sun, idiot. - Craig Benzine

--Beauty 102, March 2 2011


Don't get scared of death. Get rich. Then die! -Craig Benzine

-- Doomsday Bunker, March 23 2011


In this world, nothing's original, except Pringles Original. - Craig Benzine

-- The Most Original Video on Youtube, March 29 2011


Destiny's a one time deal. Turkey is forever. - Craig Benzine

-- Mercury, Turkey, and Clones, March 30 2011


You can just deny pain... until infection leads to amputation. Then it's really gone. -Craig Benzine

-- Love Fury!, April 6 2011


Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing... and that's a great way to lose weight. - Craig Benzine

-- Outside Adventure, April 7 2011


Compromise works best when - shut up! I'm talking about compromise! - Craig Benzine

-- Compromise 101, April 8 2011


Fish scales are pokey. Easy does it. - Craig Benzine

-- 200 Take Wonder, April 12 2011


I'm a smart. - Craig Benzine

-- How to Drive, April 13 2011


Everything is optional. Some things are illegal, and some things are really gross. - Craig Benzine

-- How to Drive, April 13 2011


Time travel is awesome and useful. That sentence had a typo when I published it... the first time. - Craig Benzine

-- China Bans Time Travel?, April 14 2011


There's nothing to fear but fears themselves such as monsters, rejection, food poisoning, redundancy, monsters, and oxford commas. -Craig Benzine

-- Fear 101, April 15 2011


A little fear is healthy, but too much hinders the enjoyment of bird poo -- I mean life. - Craig Benzine

-- Fear 101, April 15 2011


Inspiration doesn't exist. Coffee does. And if you're drinking decaf, hey... HEEEEEEY wake up. - Craig Benzine

-- The Most Inspiring Video on Youtube, April 19 2011


Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun, but you will die! - Craig Benzine

-- Kitchen Conspiracy, April 20 2011


Oh man. Dead kids are not good. NOT GOOD! - Craig Benzine

-- Moving Out, April 26 2011


When you get worried get drunk. Not of age? Watch Blues Clues or something. I dunno. Who let you into this party anyway? Ooh, jello shots. Want one? Bop. BOP! Not for you, Junior. - Craig Benzine

-- My 500th Video, April 27 2011


Words are just words. GUN POINTED AT YOUR HEAD! Don't be scared. It's just words, idiot. - Craig Benzine

-- My New Digs, May 3 2011


If you want something done right read up on it a lot. Maybe take a class. Surround yourself with a lot of smart people who can help you out. Take lots of naps. - Craig Benzine

-- No Internet Song, May 4 2011


"*nods*" - Craig Benzine

-- Positive, May 6 2011


"*shakes head*"- Craig Benzine

-- Negative, May 6 2011


It's always no good when not laser's are involved. - Craig Benzine

-- Bringing Internet Back, May 12 2011


Are inprefections is which make we grate. - Creg Benzene

-- The Most Limitless Video on Youtube, May 16 2011


Why be tough when you can just look tough or never leave the house. - Craig Benzine

-- Exploding Watermelon!, May 18 2011


Beauty's in the eye of the beholder, and everyone's a beholder, and everyone's watching like this: O.O - Craig Benzine

-- Apocalypse Yes, May 26 2011


Ugh. People who use big words are so meretricious. - Craig Benzine

-- The Lazy Professional, May 27 2011


Saving time is so important that I'm not even gonna finish this sen-it's lunchtime already? Yum yum. - Craig Benzine

-- Time 101, June 20 2011


Negativity's for naysayers and bad people who suck, which, unfortunately, is almost everyone these days and always. - Craig Benzine

-- Shocking Headlines Ignite Fiery Passion, June 22 2011


I would hate to be a bee. Be surrounded by bees all the time. -Craig Benzine

-- A Farm in the City?, July 8 2011


During a heat wave every dude stinks. -Craig Benzine

-- Heat Wave, July 21 2011


If you're a stinky dude you still hate the stink of another dude's stench. -Craig Benzine

-- Heat Wave, July 21 2011


Cars and bumper cars are very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car. -Craig Benzine

-- Hole in My Jeans, July 22 2011


Things that don't exist do exist. They're just really fast. - Craig Benzine

-- Competition 101, August 1 2011


It's good to have more than one pair of pants. You're less likely to back down if someone dares you to pee them. -Craig Benzine

-- Pant, August 3 2011


It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform. -Craig Benzine

-- The Other Side of the Van, August 8 2011


The grass is always greener when it's covered in money. -Craig Benzine

-- The Other Side of the Van, August 8 2011


Always say no to a joust. -Craig Benzine

-- Drumstick of Destiny: Hit Sam, August 13 2011


This quote will self-destruct in 4...3...2...1...just kidding...or am I? -Craig Benzine

-- Dinosaur Rocket Syndrome, August 17 2011


I stopped using my teeth a long time ago. They have blenders now, idiot. -Craig Benzine

-- Bitter, August 18 2011


Never go back on a statement. Conviction leads to success. Right? eh ih ah ih Am I right? -Craig Benzine

-- Quiet Clone's Secret, August 19 2011


Feelin' lonely? Start a family. Those people are obligated to love you. -Craig Benzine

-- Back to School Tips, August 23 2011


Dead people are so cold. It's like their heart isn't in it. -Craig Benzine

-- Canada Strikes Back, August 24 2011


Quitting's for losers. Unless the game is to see who can quit the fastest-I quit! -Craig Benzine

-- Quitting 101, August 25 2011


Relish? What is that? -Craig Benzine

-- Quitting 101, August 25 2011


I hate when heads explode, a lot. -Craig Benzine

-- Wednesday Takeover, August 31 2011


When your head explodes you're not sure of anything. -Craig Benzine

-- Wednesday Takeover, August 31 2011


Don't go chasin' waterfalls. You'll friggin' drown. -Craig Benzine

-- Pavement vs Water, September 2 2011


As long as they're not tearing limbs off, monkeys are hilarious. Sometimes they still are. -Craig Benzine

-- The Clone Family, September 7 2011


When life brings you down grab a down pillow. -Craig Benzine

-- Special Edition, September 14 2011


If you can't be perfect, why be? -Craig Benzine

-- Fat Action, September 20 2011


Coffee: it passes more than just the time. -Craig Benzine

-- Fat Action, September 20 2011


Nudity's immoral. -Craig Benzine

-- The Sky is Falling, September 21 2011


The Universe is spacious, and by spacious I mean filled with space parts-LOOK OUT! -Craig Benzine

-- There's Something out There, September 28 2011


Failure's not an option. It just happens all the time, like, all the time. -Craig Benzine

-- Failure 101, September 29 2011


Fail fail,
a tragic loss.
The more you lose
the more you're boss.

-- Failure 101, September 29 2011


No matter how hard I try vowels are always necessary. Dmnt!...See? -Craig Benzine

-- Man Eats Sandwich, October 3 2011


Sometimes less is more but always more is more. -Craig Benzine

-- Man Eats Sandwich, October 3 2011


I think I'll save death for last. - Craig Benzine

-- Add Time to Your Life, October 4 2011


Hey, crap is useful, too, for fertilizer and such. - Craig Benzine

-- Smile, October 7 2011


Why have an empty mouth when you can put smoothie in it. - Craig Benzine

-- Lois Won't See This, October 10 2011


Misleading things really get my goat. - Craig Benzine

-- Wheezy Trailer, October 12 2011


Nudity's not the only motivator. - Craig Benzine

-- Happy Fontanalia Day, October 13 2011


It's better to have loved and lost, only depending on how long you've loved and how much money they took. -Craig Benzine

-- Everything you Need to Know, October 18 2011


Scientists are smart and stuff, but only when they're thinkin' good. -Craig Benzine

-- 7 Billion, October 26 2011


I'd choose truth over cake, but I'd try to figure out a way to get both to be honest. -Craig Benzine

-- Ghosts, October 31 2011


The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up. -Craig Benzine

-- Average Hotel, November 3 2011


Without the letters of the alphabet... *grunts *double grunts *more grunts *Home Improvement grunts *grunts again *angry grunts -Craig Benzine

-- The New Alphabet, November 22 2011


Dudes love it when you take a wise quote from an athlete. -Michael Jordan

-- For the Dudes, December 1 2011


Why do habitable planets always have to be so prohibitively distant. -Craig Benzine

-- Habitable Planet Discovered?, December 6 2011


Always gotta check space news before you space travel. -Craig Benzine

-- Habitable Planet Discovered?, December 6 2011


Cyborgs who have fun are better than humans, unless fun to them is killing humans. -Craig Benzine

-- Fun, December 15 2011


I'm pretty sure I was alive when I said this quote, which to me is right now. -Craig Benzine

-- I'm Alive, December 20 2011


People who are dumber than me should just go away like on a rocketship off the planet, but then again I read 'The Road' and being the last person on Earth doesn't seem very appealing to me, so you can stick around, morons. -Craig Benzine

-- Listful, December 31 2011


Ah, the lottery. All for one and one for-get you. I'm RICH! -Craig Benzine

-- Granolja Boy, January 2 2012


Never put a foot down in the middle of a foot rub. -Craig Benzine

-- Meteors, Dinosaurs, and Foot Rubs, January 3 2012


Pure honesty will always lead to violence or nudity. -Craig Benzine

-- The Most Honest Video Ever, January 10 2012


This quote was originally yelled in a canyon canyon canyon canyon. -Craig Benzine

-- Strangers and Echos, Stranchos?, January 18 2012


A pig does not have a body conducive to backing. -Craig Benzine

-- Piggy Back, January 26 2012


More than one time traveler? Paradox city! Where the grass is green and the girls could be the same girls. -Craig Benzine

-- Biggest Waste of Time on Youtube, February 11 2012


Jealousy is the best motivator. Even better than money, unless your goal is to print better money. -Craig Benzine

-- American Beauty, March 6 2012


Efficiency leads to getting stuff done sooner so you don't have to do anything anymore. -Craig Benzine

-- OK Stop, March 24 2012



And one from Craig's dad


Welding is badass. - Eugene Benzine

-- Moving Out, April 26 2011