Lincoln's Revenge

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"Lincoln's Revenge"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 254
Original Upload date February 15, 2010
Running time 0:03:07
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Dad vs. Abraham Lincoln"
Next →
"No More Holidays"



[Craig rises up from below the frame]
Guess what, beardlovers? It's Presidents Day. Yay! [pumps fists in the air] Yay! [pumps fists in the air] [stops for a minute and breathes] Yay! [pumps fists in the air]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[singing. With every syllable, he's in a different position in his room:] We wish you a Presidents Day. We wish you a Presidents Day. We wish you a Presidents Day. [now in one place] And a happy new 4 or 8 years... depending on whether or not you get re-elected. [song over]
I suppose it could be any other number between zero and eight. Cause you could get impeached or assassinated or something. I suppose it could be more than that too. During wartime. Well, anyway, happy Presidents Day, America.
[pushes glasses up his nose:] Um, technically, it's Washington's birthday.
Then why do we call it Presidents Day?
[pushes glasses up his nose:] Um, lots of convoluted reasons I don't wish to go into because the commenters will tell me I'm wrong.
Oh. Well, happy birthday, George Washington.
[pushes glasses up his nose:] Um, technically George Washington's birthday is on February 22nd.
Uh... what what what?
[pushes glasses up his nose:] Um, well, in 1968 Congress passed the Monday Holidays Act, making every federal holiday fall on a Monday, giving government workers a longer weekend. Washington's Birthday falls on the third Monday in February.
Oh, well, happy... [thinks for a few moments]
[pushes glasses up his nose:] The holiday is called Washington's Birthday.
Happy birthday Washington.
[pushes glasses up his nose:] No! Washington's Birthday.
Oh. Happy George Washingt....
[pushes glasses up his nose:] Not George! It's Washington's Birthday.
Happy Washington's Birthday! I'm still calling it Presidents Day.
[wearing glasses:] Grrrr!! Wait a second... [pulls glasses down nose, pushes glasses up nose] Grrrr!
Well, in honor of this holiday, Presidents Day, I wrote 43 songs about each of our American presidents. Yes, there were 44 presidencies but that's because Grover Cleveland served two non-consecutive terms, and I am not about to write two songs about Grover Cleveland. He's lucky to get even one.
[turns to alternate camera angle:] I hate Grover Cleveland! [turns back]
Alright, let's do this. Gonna play all 43 songs starting with George Washington. Here we go.
[plays guitar and sings} Son of a gun, George Washington is number one... [Abraham Lincoln walks in from the kitchen, pointing a gun at Craig]
Is that Abe Lincoln with a gun behind me? [sighs] He raises from the dead and tries to kill me every Presidents Day.
[Abe Lincoln:] Washington's Birthday.
[Craig:] Shut up.
What should I do? I have a gun right here on the desk. I could turn around and shoot him. Or I could run away. [Two clickable annotations appear on the screen: Shoot, Run]
What is it? Click one of the links below to, uh, decide. But you better hurry because he's gonna shoot me if you don't.
What should I do? Fight or flight? Is violence the answer? Or is being a pansy the answer? What should I do? Better hurry. Seriously, he's getting a little bit an.... [Lincoln shoots Craig] Oh! [Craig falls from his chair] You took too long. Now I'm dead.
[Abe Lincoln walks to the camera.] Looks like Wheezy Waiter's been abolished. Now what do I do? Guess I can die too. [falls down on floor, dead]
[An annotation appears: Click here to go back and choose]

Continue here

Lincoln's Revenge

Recurring elements

beardlovers, song, alternate camera angle, interactive video

External links

Lincoln's Revenge on YouTube