[slides in/singing rug] Hi. [to alternate camera angle:] Hi. [to another angle above him:] Hi. [bangs toy keyboard] [to camera angle behind him:] Hi. [to another angle:] Hi. [to camera angle beneath him:] Hi. [to main camera angle:] Hi beardlovers. I'm back! Sorry about that last shot. That was a little awkward. [looks down at the camera angle beneath him and back to main camera angle] I did it again.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
I'm back from my week off! Unless you just subscribed to me in the past week. Then I'm back from your life off.
Life off. I like the sound of that. What would that be? Two people go up to each other. One's like, Hey man, life off! Go! And then you're locked in a battle to see whose life is better. Til you die. Then you need a judge. You need some sort of third party. What if he dies? Or she dies. We would allow life judges to be women. I would want mine to be a man though. Women don't understand me. Guess you'd have to document the whole thing with some sort of video. But then no one would be able to watch the video because it would last a lifetime. I'll work on it.
So at the beginning of my week off, I couldn't pull myself away. We are creatures of habit after all. Flashback.
[Title on screen: one week ago.] [Craig slides in/singing rug, wearing glasses, pretty disheveled, wearing his Snow sweatshirt. He just stares at the camera for ten seconds or so. He then stands in the middle of his room, looking at camera for a few more seconds. He holds up a blank page to the camera, like he does when he shows us a drawing. He turns to alternate camera angle. Stares for a few moments. Then turns back to the main camera angle. Smiles.]
Then later I started hanging out with my only friend, me with a wig. [title on screen: last Wednesday] [Craig sits at kitchen table with a mug of coffee. Craig with a Wig sits across from him, eating waffles.]
[Craig with a Wig:] What the *ding* is an Olympic?
[Craig:] I'll put a link in the doobly-doo. [points] Oh yeah, right. Reality. How are those Eggos?
[Craig with a Wig mimics Craig:] How are those Eggos?
[Theme song as Craig with a Wig turns his head to camera:] He's Craigity Craig, Craig with a Wig. [Craig with a Wig smiles] [toy piano key]
[Craig:] What are you looking at?
[Craig with a Wig:] Nothin'.
And then, well, just pretty much went back to what my life was like before YouTube. [title on screen: last friday] [Craig sleeps and snores, snorts in his sleep, wakes up, wipes his mouth, puts his head down and sleeps some more] Ahh, just like the old days. Wearing the same clothes all week.
Something I used to do. Something involving completion... or being finished. Something caffeinated. [long pause of realization] I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done! [runs to kitchen. A clone runs to kitchen behind him. Another clone gets out of bed and runs to kitchen behind them.]
[Craig:] Clones, there's not enough coffee for the three of us. Guess we settle this like men. [flashes in the kitchen with sound of two gunshots] [Craig sits with coffee mug in one hand and gun in the other] Ahhh. Thank goodness for my kitchen gun.
So commenters, what'd you do with your week off? Or if you just subscribed, your entire life until you subscribed to me? Other than cry. I'm sure there was a lot of crying.
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro graphic is visible as winker plays outro theme on big harmonica thing. Winks while voices sings "ding"]
[Craig looks up.] Hi. [bangs toy keyboard and looks to his right as the toy keyboard falls off printer and onto floor.] Hi.
singing rug, alternate camera angle, beardlovers, snow sweatshirt, Craig with a Wig, *ding*, doobly-doo, "I love it when the coffee's done!", clone, wink, outtakes
Life Off on YouTube