Life Finds a Way
From Wheezy Wiki
|"Life Finds a Way"|
|Original Upload date||July 27, 2010|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||screwdat27|
|No. of Attempts||2|
|Did His Wallet Fall Out?||Yes|
|No. Without the Wall:||0|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Did you know that there are people out there who don't like hair on the face? When I meet people who do like hair on the face, I come at 'em like this. [Raises his chin and puts his beard up to camera] When I meet people who don't like hair on the face, I come at 'em like this. [Lowers his chin and puts his balding scalp up to camera.]
[points to beard] Hair, [points to bald spot] No hair. Best of both worlds! And a sore neck.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Who am I kidding? I don't go up to people who don't like hair on the face. Who are you people? Society tells you not to like hair on the face.
Humans are hairy hairy beasts. Deal with it! Except for Powder. [picture of him] You know, that movie from the 90s that may have come out after you were born? [shows movie poster] But he had special powers with lightning or something. [picture of Powder with lightning behind him] I don't know. I've never seen the movie. But that might cancel out his hairlessness.
Lightning [picture of lightning] trumps [picture of Trump] hair [picture of chest hair].
It also had Jeff Goldblum in it. And Jeff Goldblum [picture of him] trumps [picture of Trump] ... well, everything [picture of the universe]. Am I still talking?
Judy's gonna be so bored by this video. Listen, Judy, I'm gonna go get some coffee and then it's gonna get crazy up in here! Cause I love it when the coffee's done! Now I will Jeff Goldblum myself to the coffee. [turns towards the kitchen. turns back] How do I do that?
[A picture of Jeff Goldblum is superimposed over Craig. Audio of Jeff Goldblum:] I'm... I'm simply saying that life... uh... finds a way. [Picture flies offscreen and Craig sits there with coffee.]
Indeed it does, Jeff. Indeed it does. [sips coffee]
Shouldn't it be pronounced Goldblum [rhymes with "plum"]?
[A picture of Jeff Goldblum is superimposed over Craig. Audio of Jeff Goldblum:] That is one big pile of *shirt*. [Picture flies out of frame.]
Okay. I was just... just saying.
Alright, now time to get crazy! Let's do the clone dance!
[Craig and a clone dance side by side and sing:] Yah-dada-dada-da. Yah-dada-dada-da. Yah! [kick] Yah! [kick] Unh! [jump] Unh! [jump again] Unh unh unh unh unh! [Repeatedly jump. We hear the whale tank cover break and the clone falls into the whale tank] [whale sounds]
[Craig:] There we go. [smiling happily]
Into the whale tank. Hehe. You suck. I hate you, clone.
See, that was crazy! Right, Judy?!
It's handstand time.
[standing near wall] I'm gonna try to be away from the wall a little bit more. [Does a handstand. Wallet falls out.] Away from the wall, away from the... [Handstand over.] [Does another handstand. Handstand over.]
Think I still need to use the wall. Failure. [A pigeon flutters into frame above Craig's head.] Oh no, pigeon's back. Hey, that reminds me, another one of those sketches that I edited has been uploaded to YouTube. It's about Gerard the pigeon. Click this pigeon to go watch it. [A clickable annotation appears over the picture of the pigeon.]
[Fanning himself with his hand] Whew. I'm gonna go walk away and turn the fan on before this pigeon poops on me. [gets up and walks towards fan] Whoa! [falls into the whale tank] [whale sounds] Oh hey clone. Uh, forget about that trick I pulled on you earlier. I was just kidding. [Pigeon poops into the whale tank.] Oh god! Augh! Pigeon poop! Pigeon poop!
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
It's handstand time. It's handstand time. [says it funny] It's handstand time. It's sam sam sam. It's som som som.
[Black screen except for the pigeon. After a moment, it poops again.]
The pigeons made their first appearance in the previous day's video, Kings of Pigeon.
Life Finds a Way on YouTube