[wheezywaiter dot com chips and salsa intro with "Wheezy Waiter clip" song]
Rod Blagojevich is a *ding*ing *ding*hole.
Us Illinoiees... Illi... Illinonians... Illinomads... we're proud of our governor and we're thankful for him giving us a break from being governed. You see, he was brought to court today for playing pay-to-play prol.... for playing pay-to-play politic.... for playing pay-to-play... for paying play-to-play politics. [sighs] I... I didn't say it right yet, did I? For playing pay-to-play politics.
Since he wasn't around to find out, I got to perform a little corruption of my own. Cockfighting. Yeah, I do cockfighting. It's sort of taking over my life and tearing my family apart. What was I.... uh... oh yeah... Rod Blagojevich is *ding*ing *ding*hole.
But I do hear that people were talking about our fine state today on the national news. Let's ... uh ... see what it's all about.
[Video of press conference of Patrick Fitzgerald, the US attorney for the Northern District of Illinois]
[Fitzgerald:] This is a sad day for government. [Wheezy raises his eyebrows, looks confused] It's a very sad day for Illinois government. Governor Blagojevich has taken us to a truly new low.
Hmm... well, that sucks. So what is pay-to-play politics? What exactly did Governor Blagojevich do?
[picture of Blagojevich]
No that isn't a real life version of Mayor Quimby [side by side pictures of Mayor Quimby and Rod Blagojevich] That's Governor Blagojevich.
Among many super corrupt-ass things, Blagojevich offered the Obama replacement seat in the Senate in exchange for *ding*loads of money. That's super illegal. [Pictures are used to illustrate this: pictures of Blagojevich, Obama, a chair (to represent Obama's seat), a picture of the Senate, money, and the Monopoly 'go to jail' square for super illegal]
What'd you think of that visual aid? [raising his eyebrows] I'm a video editor.
Oh Wheezy Waiter, you so sexy with your video editings.
Oh man! I can't take my eyes off of your editings.
[laughing bashfully] Just stop. Stop.
[the other angle Wheezy sits quietly, opens mouth to speak, closes it again]
Okay, a little bit more.
Oh Craig you so sexy...
Son of a bitch.
He is a pimp
He is a prince
[wearing headphones] Yeah, that was good. [looks off camera] You see, that's what happens when you elect a corrupt Republican into office. What's that? He's Democrat? Mmm. I think I voted for him.
[Title on screen: Please Subscribe at www.wheezywaiter.com]
Blagojevich, *ding*, headlines, song, wink
Lego my Blago on YouTube